


The romantic aspects of a warlock, a king and a knight

by crazyforthisloki



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 02:38:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 49,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyforthisloki/pseuds/crazyforthisloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin hated Arthur but Arthur was curious of Merlin. Then it was Lancelot who made every aspect far more complicated that it should ever been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lancelot

**Author's Note:**

> My very first fanfic.  
> English is my second nature so it will probably not be as coherent as i could dream of.  
> Also, I do not own these characters.  
> I have been informed that they belonged to the BBC  
> even when you could made the agreement that they in fact belong in history.

As terrible as it seems, Merlin fell in love with Lancelot the minute he saw him in the woods the day he saved his life. It was the worst of feelings: joy, bliss, confusion and sadness. A mixture of emotions inside one man`s heart already troubled by the presence of a blonde-haired prince that could never love him... because now there was a man, born to be the greatest of all the knights standing in front of him, a man who could never love him as well.

In the moment he was resting -not by choice- in the ground while he watched Lancelot risked his life for a stranger, Merlin said to him self : "What on earth is wrong with me?"

Because that was the only possible explanation for all of this troubles, there must be something wrong with him that was forcing him to fall head over heels with beautiful people he could never reach. Merlin thought that if he could found the answer to this his life would become much more easier to endure.

Or maybe it was not love after all, he thought, maybe it was nothing but a crush. A stupid, stubborn and annoying crush on a beautiful, brave and kind man. "It`s not going to last more than a day or two" he finally said to himself while he ran next to Lancelot, hidding behind a log and patiently waiting for the griffin to go away.

"He is problaby going to ask for some money in return for this favor and leave to never return. That will be the end of it and I will never see him again"

But when he saw the crimson mark surfing through his clothes and all colour disappearing from his face, Merlin knew this was only the begginning.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The fact that Gaius placed him on his bed did not help at all. The thoughts that invade his mind were almost incontrollable at first and when he was forced to lift his shirt to show the wound more clearly, he had to use every ounce of strenght in his body to not sigh at the sight. Merlin had only see one other man`s naked body before -Arthur`s body- and while he left the room looking for fresh water to remove the dry blood, he could only think about how this man`s body did not look at all like Arthur`s. It wasn`t a pleasant feeling.

He used to think that Arthur was the most perfect man in the entire five kingdoms and he had worshiped his body and presence every second since he got into Camelot but now, he wasn`t so sure about any of this. Lancelot had shaked his mind and soul ever since they shared a brief glimpse before he would turn around and tried to stab the mighty beast in order to save both of them. Now, where Arthur`s blue-as-the-sky eyes use to be, resting in front of Merlin`s sight at all time, there was a presence of darkness and surprise instead.

He said to himself: "Lancelot is handsome and I like handsome men" but he knew very well that wasn`t the explanation he needed. Neither the truth. Arthur was handsome, nobody could denied that .It was a strong and stated fact around Camelot that every woman sighed when he appear at his horse wearing his armor -Merlin not being the exception for that- but sometimes it was hard for everyone see through his good looks and actually see him for what he truly was: an arrogant, selfish and ignorant prat. Or so Merlin thought that. Point taken, his face could bring back the dead with a smile but it was very hard for Merlin to say the same after he spend a five minute conversation with him -being more like orders from Arthur`s side and silence from Merlin`s-. A sea of orders and insults from Arthur could make even the most romantic person in Camelot forget his good looks. Yes, Arthur`s smile was a gift from the gods but his actitude was nothing but a nigthmare from hell it self.

Somehow, Merlin knew that Lancelot was different from Arthur and he will be damned if he could know why he thought of that while he watched Gaius touched his unconscious body on his room. 

"He is probably not going to wake up until the next morning" said Gaius "so you will have to watch over him during the night and make sure he is resting".

Merlin would have liked to ask Gaius who was going to make sure that he kept his hands of him but he skiped the thought before he could regret it.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He watched him breath all night. He said to himself he was checking if he had any problem or if he could used some help if he wake up. Merlin knew this were all lies and in fact, he was nothing but terrified at the sight of Lancelot opening his eyes because if he was awake then it was more likely that he will be gone. And Merlin did not wanted to loose the sight of his face too soon. So he watched him sleep in silence, enjoying the movement of his chest and the silence of the night.

Until he was certain that everything would be okay, he closed his eyes, relishing the thought of rest after a night of turmoil in his head. He managed a short thirty minute nap before the familiar sound of Arthur`s voice woke him, like a slap straight to his face.

Merlin didn`t even got the time to be upset by it because the noice that woke him up, disturbed the sleep of his new found bed-user as well.

Lancelot rise from Merlin`s bed, surprised and most likely scared of the whole situation, with his mind filled with questions about where he was or who could be screaming so loudly at the strike of dawn. Lancelot looked at his left very slowly since his body was still aching from his past wounds and found Merlin`s blue eyes. Or so, he remember they were blue because what he encounter were two pair of sleep deprived ones that seem to have been stolen from an old-man`s face instead of a young black haired young boy. A very nice good-looking young boy if he was allowed to add.

They -once again- shared a brief glimpse of each other faces before one of them would turn around and run away. These time it was Merlin and these time, there were no migthy beast between them, just a very needy and upset prince. 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthut did not like incompetence even when he wasn`t the most efficient of all men in Camelot but at least he understand the importance of keeping a schedule tight and consistently. Merlin aparently did not agree with him on this and even when he sometimes hate to admit that he enjoy the idea of being waken by Merlin every day, he hated as well the fact that it was more usual for him to be awaken by his own than by his manservant.

It was his duty to fulfill his daily chores so his father would not be dissapointed at him but ever since he was appointed with what could only be described as the most useless of all servants in the history of Camelot, he had been facing the wrath of his father more often that he could prefer.

He wondered why he should maintain such an idiot behind him at all time when they were far more suitable options to replace his job. He then reminded himself that he was only alive because Merlin had save his life. He did not enjoy that tought, having Merlin as the reason why he was there and why he would become king one day.

Sometimes Arthur thought that his life would be far more easier with out him but then... it only took one sight at his face for him to forget every single one of this thoughts.

Yes, Arthur did not like him for a servant and he was damned that no one could ever said that as well and yes, Arthur wasn`t the most kind of men when he was around him but it was something in Merlin`s face, in Merlin`s smile and in Merlin`s way to tell him that he wasn`t going to stand when he behave like a child that made him think how lucky he was everyday to have him at his side.

Of course, this ideas come with more difficulty when he has to wake very early to leave for a quest and his idiot servant -the reason why he lived- wasn`t around at time.

Arthur sighed with frustration and after taking a long breath screamed without caring if someone else could heared him. He did not had the time for such worries, he already had many duties under his shoulders and he could not add the weight of concern about his servants`sleep with out having to delete something else.

In that morning, in a very inconvenient time for everyone involved in this story, all that everyone could hear in the castle was: Merlin!!!!!

 

 

 


	2. This will end in a mess

After Merlin arrived with a hurry in Arthur`s chambers and helped him get dress for his ordeal, placing his armor on his naked torso and his cloath on his shoulders, trying his best to ignore the comments the prince made about his inefficiency and clumsy hands, he never thought of Lancelot untill he was preparing Arthur`s horse in the stables and the handsome man appeared behind him with a smile on his face.

Merlin`s face blushed entirerly from white-pale to crimson-red in a brief moment and when his eyes met the eyes of the man who had slept on his bed, something inside Merlin`s stomach began to moove with violence. He turned around to face the horse, thinking that if he stare long enough at the eyes of these formidable creature, the feast that had started on his body would soo come to an end but it was worthless. Lancelot aproach him and placing a hand on the back of Arthur`s black horse, he stayed next to him in silence.

What so easily seem like an eternity was in fact brief seconds before they were interrupted by Arthur it self. The prince stood at the gates of the stables and stared at the picture that his servant and a black-haired stranger were making. He cleanse his troath, waking both men from their silence and aproached the skinny figure that Merlin was.

" _Where you planning to bring my horse today or tomorrow, Merlin?_ " he asked with a half-smiled on his perfect face. He did not notice at first the impact of colour on Merlin`s cheeks but when he finally did, something inside his own chest this time, seem to moove fighting to go outside. He tried to ignore such strange emotions and took the horse`s reins from Merlin`s hand.

Once Merlin finally stare at him with the proper position that a servant owns to a prince, Lancelot had positioned himself at his side and was looking at him with respect.

Arthur`s first train of thought was to the fact that Merlin and this man seem so right standing side by side but he ignored it quickly before he could talk. Like his thoughts about his servant, Arthur decided that the best curse of action would be ignored the man as well; he said to himself he would have plenty of time to inquire Merlin about the truth about this strange situation but at the moment, time was short and he could not waste anymore seconds before leaving for his quest. 

" _Merlin, I need you to go back to my chambers and bring my pack and my riding-gloves. Also, I would need for you to visit Gaius and asked him for the list of herbs that he is short of so you can fetch them while we are there... also, you must go and pack all the food for a five-days journey and sufficient water for my horse_ " he said without taking away his eyes from the bright mane on his horse. " _Do you think this is something you could possible do without mistakes or not?_ " he asked with a glare of mockery on his eyes.

" _It will be no problem, sire_ " Merlin replied, staring at the back side of the prince, trying to supress the feelings that had filled his body by the presence of Lancelot and the words that had filles his head with the words of Arthur. When he turned around and leave the stables next to first, he was certain that what ever he could be feeling inside for him was already much more pleasent that anything he had felt for the prince before.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot was many things that morning and intrigued was easily the most dominant of all aspects. He had found himself sleeping on a bed inside the walls of the castle he had dreamed of visiting his entire life and next to such bed he had found the sight of the man for he had fought in a moment of stupidity the day after in the woods. His head was filled with questions but before he could had opened his mouth, the boy had ran away from the room, storming outside the doors like his life depended on such action. It was in that moment he remembered why he was even awake: a scream, the shout of another man and the words that had infiltrated his dreams.

" _Merlin_ " he thought and even he could not have possible knew, he understood that it was the man`s name. 

But, was he even a man? His body, skinny and frail seem more like a boy entering the sight of man-hood, but his eyes were completly different. With just one sight, Lancelot knew that there was something far more important and ancient inside the stranger. " _Merlin_ " he repeated to himself while he caressed the sheets with his fingers; " _Merlin`s bed and Merlin`s chamber_ s" he thought with a hint of proud. He did not know the boy -the ancient man- but his possesions where now his untill the return of their rightful owner; it was a strange sense of power that filled his body, a strange sensation that would accompanied him for the rest of his life. 

After Lancelot had taken all the medicine that Gaius had brought to him, with a smile and kinds words of gratitude for such favor, he inmediatly asked for Merlin, curious of his whereabouts. Gaius simply told him that Merlin had a very important job and that he was probably running around the castle as they speak doing anything that prince Arthur could asked him to do. 

" _Do you know where he could be at this moment? I only wish to tell him how deeply grateful I am to him for all of this_ " he said with a humble smile that could have melted the heart of Uther it self.

Gaius pointed that a this hour, Merlin should probably be at the stables, and after having explained to the man where he could find the horses, he added that if he wished to thank the boy he should hurry: " _Once he will be gone with the prince, who knows if they could both came back alive_ " he said.

Lancelot ran away from the physcian`s chambers and while he dissapared through the door, the old man told himself: " _Surely this will end in a mess_ "

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin ran looking for everything that Arthur had asked him and Lancelot ran next to him.

While he was visible worried with a somber look on his face about his delate and the prospect of Arthur humillating him in front of the rest of the knights, Lancelot could not help but to smile time to time while he watched him do his chores. He chuckle at the sight of Merlin fighting with the cook who at first had denied him the food for the journey and acused him of being a burglar and he had laughed even more happily when Merlin was makind an absolute mess of Arthur`s chambers looking for the prince`s gloves that laid on his bed and not on his closet.

Merlin of course, did not found any of this amusing in any sense of the word and retain a serious face when he was walking back to the stables with everything on his back. He never asked for Lancelot`s help because he did not wanted to cause him any more harm on his injuries and because he was scared of facing his face for more than two seconds without mentioning the idea of talking to him.

Both of them remain silent at all times and never looked at each other directly but then of course, Merlin could not helped but steal a  brief look at Lancelot`s back neither Lancelot could prevent to watch his hands packing an amount of food big enough to fit an entire army in one single backpack. He smiled at the idea of Merlin being nothing but a wizard in the art of packing for a quest.

Once everything was settled, they returned to Arthur`s side who had waited impaciently beside his horse at the gates of the stables.

Arthur tried to ignore the image of Merlin walking next to the man whose name still did not know. Arthur tried very hard to focus his blue eyes on the sky than in the two figure that approach him in silence: one, looking very tired and the other looking very pleased." _Why does he looked so pleased?_ " Arthur asked himself, hating the fact that his inner voice seem filled with an idea of anger. " _Why am I even upset?_ " he said again, " _I know now, because I have an idiot for a servant_ " he concluded with something he knew very well was a lie.

Merlin prepare his horse with everything that was missing while the prince and the knight stare at him, standing on the same direction. One blonde figure with a frown on his perfect face whileanother brunette one uttering a shy smile of content.

The warlock felt both stares on his back and could not helped but to blush at the idea of being observe by both the prince he had dreamed for so many nights and the man who he had slept beside. It was something bizarre for him but he understood that this picture - the three of them standing side by side with their head filled with hidden thoughts- would eventually become a familiar one in their lifes.

 


	3. The unloved prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters seem to be gettin longer as i write which i guess is good :)

Merlin and Arthur left for Arthur`s quest on that same morning.

Merlin did not get the chance to even say a goodbye to Lancelot before the prince had uttered his name with exasperation and made him ride to his small and slow horse to the entrance gates of the castle. Even though Merlin regret the fact that he could not talk with him, a part in his inside knew very well that words would not be a significant element in their relationship.

“ _Relationship?_ ” he asked himself with surprise in his tone. “ _He is nothing but a stranger, why do I even care? I will be gone for five days and when I come back, he will be gone and forever_ ” he added.

Merlin reminded himself they have not even spoke yet and did not even know the man`s name for any certainty. He did not know anything about him except he could describe the way he used his sword and the expressions his face made when he was in pain. Merlin could tell more facts about the sheets in Arthur`s bed tan the life of the man he owned his own life. It was not a fact to be proud of.

As it always happened, Arthur was more than happy to interrupt his thoughts by mocking Merlin`s poor skills at riding in front of the rest of the knights that had been chosen to accompanied them. Merlin simply rests his eyes on the dark and dry colors that show the hair of his horse, trying his best at ignoring the cruel words. He did not wanted to be such a girl about it but a part of him could not help to feel humiliated and depressed about the way his life was: standing in the shadows of a man who could hardly be call that.

Arthur was not honorable. Yes, he could be very brave and loyal to his knights but he lacked the set of skills that could make him in the future a beloved King. There was no doubt that he one day would become a fear one, someone who will made every other King and queen in Albion to kneel at his sight and remain quiet until he said otherwise but being loved by his people? With that sort of personality, with that sort of touch whit his inferiors? There were far greater chances for everyone in the kingdom to strike death in one single morning before that could happen.

Thoughts like this had made Merlin`s life more easier. He said to himself that even when Arthur could make him loose his attention for any other person he could encounter for the rest of his life, the moment he would open his mouth would be the moment he could start to hate him. Thoughts like this filled Merlin`s mind on a daily basis but now, as he rides next to the prat he had to called master, all that could Merlin look in his head was Lancelot`s smile.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Well Merlin, would you like to tell me who is the stranger I have left back in my castle?”_ said Arthur with a smile he knew very well was not a genuine one. He tried to peak through the corner of his eye Merlin`s reaction but he could not read it through so he stared at his front with the most serious face he could possibly make at the moment.

“ _He is a friend of Gaius_ ” Merlin lied.

“ _Then why was he following you all around the place, then_?” Arthur added with cruelty in his voice “ _He looked more like a hurt puppy then a friend of Gaius_ ”

“ _He was just eager to help_ ” he said, ignoring the scrutinizing look on Arthur`s eyes.

“ _By not carrying any type of bags_?” Arthur said laughing.

Merlin could hear the others knights holding back a silent laugh behind him and felt his heart pulled back to his chest. “ _He simply wanted to offer me some company, that is all_ ” he said.

“ _Where could Gaius had met someone like him?”_ one of the knights ventured to ask from the back of Merlin and Arthur`s side. “ _Is not him a little bit young for Gaius`s sake_?” the man added. The others started to laugh more loudly while Arthur smiled with content for his men.

“ _He could break his back and there would be no one like to cure him from his illness”_ another one said from a different corner of the group. In response everyone including Arthur –especially Arthur- started to make noises of pain and lust, like a group of small children making fun out of his teacher.

On the other hand, Merlin did not seem happy at all. He already hated the other men for the way they treated him but this was by far too much for him. Gaius was more like a father for him than his actual father had been in his short life and to stand there while these dishonorable men made fun of him was too much.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin was not thinking about his actions when everything happened. He simply could not stop the gold in his eyes and the magic that filled his body like it was his very own blood. It was the most important part of him, such as an extra member of his body and in some occasions he could not control it entirely. Such like on this one.

He was upset, angry at the knights, angry at Arthur and angry with himself so when they had to cross the river he could not suppress one simple idea: to see them fall into the water while he ride along completely dry.

And as it always happen the gold hide the blue on his eyes and before Arthur could said the word  “Idiot” he and other five people fall straight their asses to the current.

While Arthur searched for the rest of his ass in the water, Merlin crossed the river smoothly with a smile on his face. 


	4. The impossible beast

The quest went terrible and Arthur`s mood was even worst. Merlin did not try to ease his anger as if such task could even be possible for him and remain silent the entire ride back to the castle. His mind was by far more occupied on the idea of his reunion with Lancelot than Arthur`s state of mind.

While Merlin picture in his head the charming smile that he knew Lancelot could make even when he has not seen it yet, Arthur was busy trying to understand what went wrong in this journey. They had arrived into the attacked village and had spoken to the people who had lost their homes and animals. He listened patiently how they described a beast with wings and fangs, more similar to a mythical monster than any other type of creature he had faced in his past. The knights held silent when the villagers showed them the destroyed corpses of what used to be their cows and horses or so they said because for Arthur, what he saw was more similar to the one time Merlin burned down the stew than any actual animals. After that, they stayed in the village for two days, patiently waiting at the entrance, looking for any sign that could possibly give away the location of this mystery beast but after two very long and cold nights, he and the knights not only did not found any new lead but three of them got a cold. The search party that had left the castle five days ago returned with a grumpy prince, three knights that resemble more closely to three little boys and a servant with an “idiotic smile” on his face according to Arthur`s words.

When everything seem as if nothing else could go wrong, that was the moment when Arthur could have stroked himself with his own sword and left in the woods to die because it was the moment when Lancelot appear on a horse, with a charming smile on his charming face, riding directly at his very own manservant. All that Arthur could think in that moment was “ _I could just kill him_ ”.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot was not ashamed about missing Merlin and had calculated the possibilities of taking a horse and marching down into the woods after him but he did not even had one of his own and he was not a thief to take one without the permission of prince Arthur.

In the completely opposite specter, he only wished for the prince good-sight at him since he was the only obstacle on his live long dream of becoming an actual knight. A knight with a shiny armor and a sharp sword, a knight that people could respect and admire and treat him with the same amount of consideration as he was noble born itself. He knew it was an impossible dream for someone common born like him but he also knew there was no actual harm on hopping for a chance and before he had awaken himself in Merlin`s chambers, inside Arthur`s castle, he had never thought of a time were his dreams could turn into reality. Now things could be so different for him.

He saw Merlin`s horse from a distance and he had felt his heart beat at a stronger rhythm than normal. He did not understand why but he did not pester himself searching for a logical answer when the actual reasons were as simple as clear is the day: he liked Merlin and he was almost as certain to know the Merlin liked him as well. He was content about it as he considered Merlin one of the most intriguing people he had met before and he had met many other people.

Like this encounter, the first time he had met Merlin was not truly an accident. He saw the skinny figure of the warlock when he was walking down the woods looking for a moment of clarity so he could think about his life. He had saw him from a safe distance, able to stare at his features –his very sharp and attractive cheekbones and shiny eyes- without been seen by him. Since he was not truly involved in any substantial task, he decided to follow him driven by curiosity and boredom not entirely certain about his true intentions. He stared at the back of the boy`s body and saw how he bend down to pick flowers and herbs into his small leather backpack. From these Lancelot correctly deduced Merlin most be involved in the art of healing and he smiled slightly at the idea that the stranger was not only good-looking but also, smart and cultural. He like a well instructed man.

The forest was completely silent while he followed him for a couple more minutes and Lancelot did not seem to notice anything unusual about this, worried as he was about the bone structure of his picture than his proper surroundings. He should have paid more attention to these small details: the rabbits hiding in their holes and the birds flying up in the sky, as far away possible from the trees. He should have notice that when nature goes quiet it could only be to hide from a menace. The beast appeared flying with violence over his head and directly against Merlin in such sudden moment that Lancelot lost his balance and felt into the ground. While he was trying to regain his position, he lost sight at Merlin who had left running as fast as he could and as far away from him. At first Lancelot thought that the beast had taken him with his claws up into the sky but when he heard the noise of broken branches and rapid passes coming east from him, he pick up his own body and started running in the same direction. He did not understand why but he felt compelled to protect him from any harm.

He almost got there too late: late for saving him but also late to have seen what he saw. He was no fool and he could easily identify the use of magic in any person whose eyes turn to gold but he was not prepared for such surprise from someone like him. While the hand of the boy stood firmly in front of his chest and some strange words came from his mouth, he watched all with admiration from his side. “ _An actual magician_ ” he thought as he realized he had never truly met any other magic user before.

When he remember the prohibition against magic –the fact that any active user would be burned down in a pyre- and saw that whatever spell the boy had used not only failed but upset the beast even more, he knew not only he was going to save him but that he was going to stay at his side for a very long time. 


	5. A fine line indeed

What Morgana saw from her window was a strange sight. The search party that looked so menacing at the time of departure seems so little in comparison. At first she thought that Arthur could have lost some of his knights fighting whatever he had to fight but she was quick with her mind and after counting down the man and seen the numbers matched, she was even more curious about the actual unfold of the events. She knew that Uther would be like this as well, possibly even more upset at his son for what it could only be a failure in his quest. True, she did not necessarily like Arthur on a daily basis but she dislike with more intensity the face Uther would make when he screamed at him with disappointment. Worried as she was staring at the prince and foreshadowing the events that will occur on the throne room, she did not pay much attention to her own maid –Gwen- who did not take away her dark eyes from the handsome stranger that did not leave with Arthur but seem more than happy to return with Merlin.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Morgana was sitting on her chair in the throne room, left side from Uther`s chair and held her breath without noticing at the moment Arthur enter the room with a filthy face and a suspicious smell from his clothes. From her angle it could be difficult to read the expression on Uther`s face but not impossible and as she watched the features of the king turn from peacefulness into angriness, she prepare herself for what would become of the arrogant prince.

“ _How can you explain you did not found anything on the woods?”_ Uther asked with sarcasm and violence, clearly upset at his only son`s misadventures. He expected so much from him and somehow, he was always seen to receive so little in return.

“ _There is no greater explanation father. We simply could not found any sign of a beast in our time there_ ” said Arthur. Morgana notice how Arthur`s eyes shifted from one side to another of the room and the chair that stand in front of him but never truly looking at Uther`s presence or her own. The shame he must be feeling was a complicated matter for her, a feeling she could not easily come to explain even to herself.

“ _And what do you propose had caused all the death you claimed to have seen? An imaginary beast perhaps?”_ the king said with a grin on his face.

With this, Morgana stopped searching for Uther`s face and stared firmly to her front. She did not care for his cruelty or Arthur`s feelings but she knew there was a difference between teaching a lesson to one`s child and humiliating a man in front of an entire court and every time Uther had crossed these imaginary line defined by compassion and attention, she could not helped but feel anger towards him. A sentiment she had always felt when Uther had sent someone to the pyre on the accusation of magic or treason. _Could such cruelty even be real in this world?_ She asked herself as she watched Arthur leave the room like a hurt puppy with his tail caught between his legs.

She hope deep in her heart for a negative response.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin entered to his chambers follow by Lancelot close into his back and as he stared directly into the floor, pacing by the curious glare of Gaius, he tried his best to ignore the bliss that had filled his heart at the moment of his reunion with the future knight. Seen him riding into his direction with the sun glowing on his hair and a smile so peaceful yet so full with provocation –or so Merlin thought about it- was more than enough of what he could handle at the moment. As he closed behind Lancelot`s entrance the door of his small chambers, he looked away at Gaius`s face with his prominent eyebrow raised and his eyes laughing in silence at this dysfunctional situation.

Once inside, they stared one more time, none of them ready to make the first move, a move so simple as the act of breathing, -they just need to talk, say any word-.  Finally, Lancelot broke down and started laughing.

“ _This is truly bizarre, isn`t?”_ he said.

Merlin, staring at his dark eyes, could not help but to laugh as well, realizing the true in his words. It was just too weird for the two of them to hold silence for one more second. They had met six days ago, shared a room in one night and fought to save each other’s lives with their own set of skills and the fact that they have done all of this without saying more than one word was enough for them.

“ _I agree_ ” said Merlin with a smile on his face as he finally relaxed his body and took a step forward to his bead. He had not take a proper shower in almost an entire week and his body was soared from all the time spend in riding and sleeping on the floor of the village`s gardens. He needed to take a shower immediately but he did not want to stay away from him.

“ _I would say how funny everything is since I normally tend to know a man`s name before I slept of his bed for six days_ ” Lancelot said while himself took a step forward, closer to Merlin side. He did not care for the bad smell as he was convinced that it would take far more significant defects to lower his interest on Merlin.

“ _I am Merlin_ ” said he in the middle of laughing.

“ _Well I am Lancelot_ ”

“ _I suppose now you can feel allowed to sleep on my bed?”_ said Merlin. _Why would he say something like that?_ He immediately asked himself knowing that if he could be alone he could probably be kicking himself in the ass. It was not something he would normally said but he was convinced he had uttered similar words before, in his dreadful yet enjoyable dreams with Arthur. Why does he have to be such an idiot all the time?

“ _Do not take this in the wrong way my friend, but as comfortable as these seem to me, I don`t think I can abuse of your hospitality no more_ ” said Lancelot with an even bigger smile. He was not the type that tend to blush easily –“ _Lucky for me_ ” he thought- since Merlin`s comment seem so damn adorable and so off character from him.

“ _Where would you be staying then?”_ asked Merlin, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice knowing he was failing at it but he did not care at the moment. Lancelot was leaving and something inside Merlin`s chest seem to leave as well; he did not know what it was but he could have betted Arthur`s sword that it was the possibility of happiness that seem to live in his smile.

As Lancelot was picking a bag from under his bed, Merlin felt bitterness in his mouth and tongue. Everything felt so sudden and terrible: first the quest and Arthur`s bad mood and now this. He did not get to share any moment with Lancelot where he wasn`t in danger or he wasn`t sleeping. It simply did not seem fair.

“ _I am not staying, there is nothing in here for me_ ” said Lancelot as he prepared his belongings on his shoulder. He arranged his sword on his waist and felt the emptiness in his chest. He obviously did not wanted to leave but he also had some shred of proud as he was waiting for Merlin to tell him how much he would need him. He was vain in those aspects, wanting to feel himself needed, desired from people and eager to help them in every way. He wanted to be the biggest of all knights but he wanted to be the most loved one as well. As he waited for the words he wasn`t so sure he would hear, the door slight open and a beautiful face appear with shyness from the outside.

“ _Merlin?”_ the face said and her voice was sweet and angelical. Lancelot felt his heart race and for a moment, he had forgotten that Merlin was even there. Something similar had happened to Merlin since he had forgotten he was there as well as he felt more likely drowning on a lake than in his chambers, saying goodbye to the second man he had cared about. He thanked in that moment for Gwen interference, something that in his ignorance of the future did not know he would never do again.

“ _Gwen, what is it?”_ said taking away his eyes from Lancelot`s.

“ _Morgana is looking for you_ ” said Gwen feeling the gaze of the boy he had a crush on and the man she knew nothing about. She felt the difference in their intensities, one bleaker than the other. “ _She said that when you could you should go to her chambers but I suppose it would not hurt if you took a bath first_ ” she said with a friendly smile.

“ _I suppose you are right_ ” said Merlin with a fake smile on his face, a façade he had perfected with time. He looked back at Lancelot who was not looking at him anymore –“ _as if could make any difference_ ” he thought- and with another of his smiles said to his bad luck in life: “ _If you are leaving, you should let Gwen teach you a proper exit without been seen by the guards_ ”.

Merlin smiled and Lancelot did as well but something in the warlock`s head told him that such charming reflection wasn`t meant for him this time.


	6. Friend of mine

Arthur and Merlin drowned their bodies on water at the same time, although it happened on opposites sides of the same castle. Both of them were tired and exhausted not from the long ride back home but more likely for their poor luck in life. Arthur had keep telling himself his father`s words full with discontent while Merlin replayed like an old story his final goodbye to Lancelot. Seen him leaving his room next to Gwen was more difficult that he could ever had predicted and standing in the throne room while his father made poor jokes about his failure was troublesome as well for the blonde one. In a way neither of them could understand, in that exact moment the prince and the servant`s hearts were connected through their sadness.

As they both dried their bodies in silence, with the sun coming to set in their windows, their minds seem to wonder far away from the troubles and more into another person. Merlin was imagining Lancelot riding his horse away from the city`s gates and into the woods while Arthur picture Merlin laughing along the mysterious stranger that his manservant had claimed was a friend of Gaius but behave more like a friend of his. A close friend indeed.

“ _Why does it bother you?”_ he asked himself the heir to the throne. He knew of Merlin`s other friends: there was Will who had lived with him during his childhood, there was Gwen –Morgana´s maid- who always seem so eager to spend some time in Merlin`s company and there was him. Or so he thought foolishly. He did not wanted to open that door in his mind and start wondering if he was or not Merlin`s friend. If he actually was, then their friendship was far away from conventionality as one of the parties was the master of the other. He was sure Merlin could never consider him as an actual friend or see him in the same light as he had seen Will before. These thoughts flew through his head while he dressed himself for a nap and a new wave of melancholia arrived at his heart.

Merlin was certain that Lancelot would only be a memory for his future self and Arthur knew, as he closed his eyes on his pillow, that he was alone in his failure and on his path to become a king.

“ _What a depressing pair_ ” someone thought inside the caverns, under the main halls of the castle.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin knocked Morgana`s door with the small range of energy that still live in his body. He wasn`t sure what this visit was about but he was absolutely certain that he prefer to be anywhere else but this place. As he listened to the words “C _ome in_ ”, he remembered how in his first time in the castle he had fell under Morgana`s spell of beauty and charm. Of course that had been a long time ago, a time before he had fell under Arthur`s spell as well.

“ _Merlin, I am so glad you could pay me this short visit. I am sure you would prefer to be resting from your journey so I will be as short as possible_ ” said Morgana, appearing from behind a curtain wearing nothing but a light and delicate nightgown.

They were many things Merlin did not liked about people overall, specially highborn people like Arthur and Uther but he had always appreciated Morgana`s sense of cutting straight to the point. Someone who could be direct was one of the features he respected the most.

“ _What happened to Arthur?”_ asked the king`s ward no longer with a smile but with a serious expression that seem anticlimactic with her beautiful features. Her green eyes seem to possess a life of their own while they waited for an answer Merlin was not sure he could provide. He was not sure about what failed on the quest and since he had not asked Arthur about it, it took a moment for him to realize he was under the same dark light as her.

“ _I am not entirely sure_ ” he said while Morgana`s face when from expectation to disappointment.

“ _Arthur said to the King the knights found nothing but the death animals were still there_ ”

Merlin took a second to remember everything: they had gone looking for a beast that had killed all the cattle in the nearest village, the same beast Lancelot had try to slain the day they met... the same beast he had encountered in the woods but could not admit to do so since he was practicing magic while everything happened.

He knew of the beast`s reality but no one else could said the same; Arthur had not seen it and there for, had no further proof for his father to send help to the attacked village. He understood in that moment that everything was his fault. If he did not have lost his attention, being more focused on Lancelot`s smile than in the troubles of his prince, then he could have helped him finding the beast and everything would had been solved. Or so he thought.

“ _It is true. We stay there for two nights watching for any sign but nothing came across so we were forced to leave_ ” said Merlin avoiding the stare in Morgana`s face, an action that did not occur unnoticed by her. She knew Merlin was not telling everything to her and if she wanted to save Arthur`s honor in front of his father, she would have to found a way to learn the entire truth.

She sent the boy away from her chambers after thanking him for his words and as she closed the door and saw him walked away with a slow pace, she tried to think how she could found the truth about this mess. Little did she know that her own maid was uncovering a piece of true by her own as she went to bed.


	7. Guinevere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looooong

Lancelot had thought that Gwen was charming, perhaps not as interesting as Merlin but charming none the less. Her face seem to glow when she looked at him and he appreciated her easiness to engage in small talk about their lives, learning while walking about her father the blacksmith and his brother Elyan –“ _Who knows where he could be right now?_ ” she said with a smile that seem to hide something else- and as he listen to this, he started to think about his own simple life. He had never had a home for more than six months and never quite settled with any other friend in his life, eager as he was to come to Camelot and become a knight. He laugh in his head at the irony of the situation as he understood that not only this could be a terrific home for him but that the people that had saved his life –Gaius, Gwen, Merlin- could be the friends he had escaped from in his past life.

As he reached a hidden gate on the east side of the city`s walls with no guards, he had learned more from a stranger`s life in one single conversation that he had known in his entire life about anyone else.

He only wished to know the secrets that Merlin hide with more passion. After this realization and with this thought in mind, he decided he was not leaving anywhere for the moment while he walked looking for a second entrance to the city. At least, he will not be leaving without letting the young warlock know he knew about his secret. And how much he wanted to be a part of this mysterious life that promise a life-time of adventures and unexpected events, both elements significant in a mind of a knight. Somehow, Lancelot knew that if he did not keep Merlin at his side, his life would end much more dull that he could possibly bear. It was not a risk he was willing to take.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

When he reached out to Gwen`s door, hours after they had said their goodbyes at the gate, he did it as a friend but for Gwen, the picture meant more: not only she had taken a significant interest on Lancelot after the brief moment she had saw him entering the city with the rest of the knights but after their long talk while she showed him a proper exit, she had started to feel things that she had only dreamed of before. And most of these dreams had been about her and Merlin.

It was the middle of the night and as guards walk down the city looking for intruders, it only took one small second for her to take his hand and invited him in, even when she knew her small and humble home was not the place that would allow her to take a guest over as it could hardly contain one small bed and a very rustic kitchen. None the less, she gave him her bed and as she walked behind a curtain to sleep on the floor, covering her body with an old and small blanket, she never felt cold or regret about her decision.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The morning after seem more like the lost scenes of a very strange dream. The door had knocked and when Gwen went to open, she had found Merlin`s sad eyes looking for comfort but as he stepped inside her place and had seem Lancelot`s figure sleeping on Gwen`s bed, the young warlock`s head seem to spin around the place with no actual direction. At first Gwen got scared about the boy`s reaction and as Merlin said he had to leave immediately since he had forgotten something for Arthur, Gwen noticed how a small tear felled from his blue eyes into the cheekbones she had admired before. It did not take her more than two seconds to place all the pieces of the puzzle together and as she remembered Lancelot riding back home next to him -with a smile on his face that seem so genuine- she understood the pain of his friend and the heartbreak that such picture had provoked him. She understood the reason of that single tear and her heart broke after noticing the similarities between her own problems. After all, she was still the maid who had fallen in love with the prince`s servant.

“ _Merlin_ ” she said, with tenderness in her voice and a sweet gaze on her face but he did not seem to listen to her. He left as quickly as the wind and as Gwen stared at the shadow his body reflected on the ground, she thought it must be magic to someone to run as fast as he did.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

When Lancelot woke up, he had found her sitting on her table at the left side of the bed, looking at him with sadness on her beautiful eyes. He composed himself as quickly as he could and asked what was wrong but she did not reply and simply remain there as if he somehow already knew the answer.

“ _Why did you stay?_ ” she finally asked after a couple of minutes in silence. Lancelot had already left the bed and was placing his belongings in his back, knowing that this would be the end of his stay in her home but also knowing he did not have an actual response to her question.

“ _I decided I wanted to try out my luck and see if I could talk to the prince_ ” he ventured with a half truth answer, expecting his desires of becoming a knight would hide his curiosity for Merlin. As comfortable as he could be around her, he did not feel compelled to discuss the magnitude of confusion inside his heart and decided in the split of a second that his best tactic would be to lie. At least, lie in some parts.

“ _To become a knight?_ ” she asked without changing her expression.

“ _Yes_ ” he answered, hopping that this would make her happy and hopping as well that this could make him content. After all, it was not an entire lie: he did wanted to speak to the prince –the king if he had to- and address his dreams of fame and immortality but even so, he knew that he had stayed for him, for Merlin.

“ _And Merlin does not know any of this?_ ” she asked. “ _Because if he did know, he would not have asked me to escorted you away from the castle and would probably be at this exact moment doing everything he could to help you in this_ ”

She was smart, she was clever but more importantly, she was hurt. There was something Lancelot was not telling her but she did not have to possess magic to have an idea: there was something far more important between him and the prince`s servant that she could be a part of. This idea made her sad as she has thought during her entire night how uneventful her life had been until she had met Merlin because if she had never approached him on the stakes and had become her friend, she would have never met Lancelot. And a part of her was yelling inside her heart that he would be important for her future. The most important one of her life to be accurate but he did not belong to her as much as she did not belong to Merlin.

She had to let him go so he could fixed his problems with her friend even when she did not wanted to and only desire to keep him on his house one more night so she could dream in peace and with a smile. But none of these dreams could ever be possible because, even when she was not entirely sure about it all the time, she knew that Guinevere was a good friend and a honorable woman and could never risked the happiness of her friends over her own. Especially if her friend had seen the cause of his unhappiness before her.

“ _You need to go and let him know why you are still here_ ” she said with enough strength to fight back the tears that she felt were flourishing in her eyes. “ _Let him know about your dreams because if there is one person that could help you with the prince is him_ ”

Lancelot smile at her, understanding her actual words, not the one he had heard but the one she was screaming with her eyes. “ _Such beautiful eyes_ ” he thought as he leaved her home and walked –once more- to the castle, to Merlin.


	8. One small second

“ _Have you been crying, Merlin?_ " but there was no response from the warlock`s side.

" _Why do you have to be such a girl?_ ” Arthur`s voice was the perfect mix of teasing and preoccupation, one shred more prominent than the other and there for, an untrained ear such as Merlin`s could not hear the combination and only keep the slight idea that his words were another joke from him. These was a technique Arthur had been perfecting over time –like Merlin`s fake smile- ever since he found himself curious of his servant`s troubles yet to proud to actually admit such vulnerability out loud.

Merlin obviously denied any accusations Arthur had offer him and shrugged his shoulders while making the prince`s bed and preparing his clothes for the day. Curiously enough, both of the men standing in the room at the moment were lying in some way or another: of course Merlin had been crying and of course, Arthur was pretending to tease him when in fact he was worried that the cause of his servant`s sadness was the other one. The other man.

“ _The other_ ” Arthur thought with bitterness in his inner voice. If he had made Merlin cry, he would surely found a way to see him pay for it even when Arthur could not truly come to understand why he care so much about the boy`s happiness.

“ _I must go the stables and feed the horses now, sire. Is there anything else I could do for you?_ ” said Merlin, avoiding his sight, worried as he was that the resent crying marks he had on his face would reflect with the bright daylight of what it was so far a truly terrible day. He knew Arthur would found his words suspicious as there weren`t proper of him to address the prince with such politeness but he just wanted to get out of thechambers as soon as possible. He did not wanted to spend one more second next to Arthur if that meant he would be rude and mean to him, he needed a friend in that moment but Arthur was not such thing.

Arthur was his prince and master but his friend? Not in this lifetime. 

Arthur looked at him with curiosity written on his eyes but knowing there would be nothing for him to gain in a new form of inquisition, he sent him away with a gesture of his hand. Whatever troubles had made Merlin cry before he had come to his presence, they were one more mistery on his mind, an idea that caused far more preoccupation that he could wanted.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur was training with the knights when the figure he had learned to hate for no real reason appeared on the corner of his eyes. He was walking, staring at him with a mixture of emotions he could not truly read as clear as he had seen Merlin`s past tears early in that morning but none the less, he smile: if Merlin`s story had any shred of honesty, then this man was a commoner and was not allowed to be in the knight`s training yard. He relished at the idea of taking his arm with violence and throwing him outside from his castle but he restrained himself as he made everyone stopped and walked down to intercept him.

“ _Can we help you with something? Looking for Gaius perhaps?_ ” he said with an arrogant grin on his face, a feature that only increase once he saw the man shrunk his own body back and bowed in front of him. He had always felt a slight sense of satisfaction when people treated him with such respect but being who this man was, the feeling seem to increase by the double.

“ _Sorry sire but I am looking for Merlin_ ” the man said with a quite tone, a clear indicator of how small he felt in front of Arthur. Lancelot was being cautious and tiptoeing around his presence because even when at the moment, he did not need of the prince`s favor he understood it was vital for him to be his ally in the future.

A small part of Arthur`s chest seem to shrunk as well with these words. “ _Are you going to make him cry again?_ ” he thought, listening to his upset in his mind. As he close his jaw, he allowed himself to look at the man`s face, trying to see what his servant had seen in him: yes, sure, he was handsome and seem very pleasant for the eye but he did not saw nothing more special or unique about him. _Then what is it about this man? Who is he?_

“ _I haven`t seen my idiot servant since these morning but he probably is in the tavern right now_ ” he said with the softest voice he could make trying to hide the violence of his inner one`s. He heard the knights that were more close to him laughed at his comment, being a recurrent joke Merlin`s strange fascination with spending entire hours on the tavern doing who knows what but he also noted how the man`s face seen to get more serious. Was he offended by his words? Arthur thought for a moment but he did not remove his smile from his face as he was convinced he will win this round.

The man seem to missed the point of his comment and as he vowed once more to said his goodbyes, he stared at Arthur`s eyes for the split of a second.

One small fraction of time that made Arthur felt very disgusted about himself and his words. He saw many things on the stranger`s eyes: he saw bravery and suffering, he saw dreams of a reality that seem too distant to be the actual present but more importantly he saw recrimination, a silent judgment on his presence. And he felt guilt upon himself, a bitter sentiment he could not shake off as easily as he always did before.

When the man left and the knights resumed their training, Arthur felt his head was miles away from the yard and his body, feeling his thoughts flying into the air and inside the woods.

Just for a brief moment, a second split of a second, Arthur saw Merlin walking away from his side and leaving into the darkness of the trees. Unfortunately –or very luckily is someone has asked him at the moment- the thought and the picture did not prevail as a wooden sword fell on his head and left him unconscious, falling down to the mud with a sad expression on his face.


	9. And the broken heart`s club

Merlin was washing Arthur`s clothes with cold water and a rock to remove the old marks of mud in the expensive attires when Lancelot found him.

He did not hear him come inside the kitchen at first as he was more preoccupied of finishing his chores and going back to bed. He had to tend for Arthur`s head when he was brought back to his chambers after hurting himself in the yard. He had washed his face and cleansed all the dirt in his perfects features but he did not found time enough to sigh when it was the moment of removing him from his clothes once Gaius told him to do it so he could see if there was any more damage. He had far more important things on his head than Arthur`s body, as unnatural such thought would appear to his older self.

The picture that haunt his mind was too terrible for him to discuss out loud but it seem his mind was prepared to upset him on a daily basis since it was the only thing he was able to see. It keep playing over and over again and the old sentiment of him, running back to the castle with tears falling from his eyes made him feel his shoulders more heavier than normal and therefore, he felt more tired than ever.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot saw him washing the fancy clothes that could only belong to the prince and felt a flinch of pain in his heart. For what it seem the split of a second he thought with grief " _He is the servant of the prince and I am nothing in comparisson... I am no prince_ _"._

“ _Merlin, I am so glad I found you, I have been looking for you everywhere_ ” the knight said. As unusual as it was the fact that Merlin did not stole a single glance at Arthur`s vulnerable body, Lancelot felt without knowing a similar idea as he did not said these words with a smile. The knight was in fact serious as the night and he felt Merlin`s mood no more different than his own.

He knew these was mean to be a difficult conversation but he was prepared for what could come ahead as he had learned where Merlin was almost immediately after he had seen the knights carried Arthur`s body back to the castle. He had not run after him at once because he was in fact afraid. The most brave and loyal of knights was scared of the reaction he would found on the warlock`s face as well as he was afraid of what he could said. It was a strange feeling, unnusual for his own true nature.

“ _I thought you were gone_ ” said Merlin without turning his face, concentrated as he was on his duties. He felt so lucky about it, Lancelot finding him when he was busy so he could have an excuse to not look him in the eyes. His words came from his mouth with austerity and as he noticed the coldness leave from his lips, he told himself one more lie: he could not care any less if Lancelot was there or not.

“ _I was gone but I returned_ ” the man said without approaching him, instinctively knowing that it would be the best for both of them in this situation to keep a distance and more importantly, to not look directly into each other eyes. It seen that this small gesture was the doom of them and their consciences. “ _I returned because of you_ ” he ventured to add doubting of the consequences of his words.

“ _Really? I thought it was for Gwen or at least, her bed_ ” Merlin answered, searching for anger in his voice and failing at finding it as he only felt heartbreak in his chest, in his throat and in his heart. Finally, he turned around and found the eyes he feared but it was not like before -the first times in the woods or the stables- because this time he did not felt his legs faltered or his chest violently moved inside of him. In fact, he felt nothing he had felt before.

“ _There is something you don`t know but you most. It is something very important”_

“ _I do not care what you have to say_ ”

“ _Why are you upset with me? Have I offended you in some way_?” said Lancelot once the harsh tone in Merlin`s voice was far too obvious for him to ignore and he decided he could not justified his hostility with the fact that he could be tired. He heard not only violence but more importantly, he heard hatred. A small and almost untraceable shred he had heard before in his life, too distinctive for him to avoid, and there for he was fully aware of what it would come next: rejection and loneliness. _Had he already loose Merlin before he ever had him?_ He asked himself. _Had he offended him then?_ He obviously had seen him sleeping in Gwen`s bed but it was not his fault and it was definitely not a crime to receive aid from a friend. “ _I know I should have stayed but the important part is that I am here now_ ” he said.

“ _That sounds very good for you and I am sure you will love the city of Camelot and she will love you back as well_ ” he said while picking up the wet clothes from the bucket. As he stood up to leave, he was still uncertain if his legs would hold his weight or if he would be able to take the first step. “ _Now I must go so I wish you luck_ ”

He took it, he venured to do so -the dreadful first step- and it felt horrible. What was he doing? This was not like him and it certainly was not the reunion he had envisioned in the morning but he did not felt in the mood to run back to Lancelot`s arms searching for the heat of his body. He simply did not know how to react and bitterness was his best choice. When he tried to leave the room, Lancelot held his wrist around and made him stop completely. It was the first time they had truly touched each other -or at least the first time they were both conscious enough to remember it- but it did not felt as angelical as neither of them could have wanted to or dream about as well.

“ _Why are you upset with me?_ ” he repeated. Lancelot look at Merlin, straight into his eyes searching for a proper response but all he could see was sadness, a blue sentiment he felt his own eyes reflected as well.

“ _I am not upset with you_ ” he said with a mumble

“ _You clearly are_ ” Lancelot replied raising his voice more that he could have wanted to. 

“ _To be upset would imply that you could matter to me and you clearly don`t!_ ” Merlin seem to scream this time. “ _You do not matter at all_ ” he repeated, knowing how his words hided away the truth in his mind. And in his heart.

Lancelot let go his hand and looking directly into his face, said “ _I did not wanted to leave_ ”

“ _I did not wanted for you to leave_ ”

“ _But you asked me to!”_

“ _Because I thought you would found a way to stay!”_ Now they were screaming, Merlin thought and if they did not calm themselves or at least, lower their voices they were going to be found by another servant in a compromising situation. Or at least a very difficult one to explain since after all, Lancelot technically did not exist inside the castle or in the city.

“ _I have to go_ ” Merlin said now more calm with himself and the situation. He had to think many things and if he hardly had the time to eat properly, he would not have the time to resolve the problems of his heart in the near future.

He walked out of the room as quickly as he could, leaving one broken heart inside and another one inside his chest.


	10. The Knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting a little bit more close to the end....

Morgana felt instinctively nervous when she heard that Arthur was in need of more knights. It could only mean he was eager to leave once more to try and find the beast no one had seen so far.

It upset her that someone so important for the destiny of an entire kingdom would be so anxious to leave everything behind, risking his own life for a simple matter of pride. _Is this the king that Uther will be leaving us once he will be gone?_ She asked herself.

“ _There is no point in you looking for more men if you do not know what you are facing_ ” she said with the usual judgmental tone in her voice, a sentiment Arthur completely detested.

“ _Is not better than to be prepare for the unknown?_ ” Arthur asked. They were both walking down the corridor, him already inside his shinny armor and her with a long and beautiful green dress but it seem she was more ready to run into battle than him.

“ _Then why do you not send a search party into the woods? Why do you risk your life so foolishly?_ ” she asked.

“ _Are you worried about me?_ ” Arthur asked with a grin. He had never truly felt for Morgana something near to romance but then again, he had never felt anything for any other woman before but sometimes, he had seen into her beautiful green eyes and felt something he could not quite explain; if it was care or not, he did not know for sure but he value her opinion even when he would never admit it, he valuer the words of Morgana like she was his family.

“ _I am worried about the kingdom. Your are Uther`s heir, if you die, who will take the throne once the king is dead?_ ” she said with a serious face.

“ _You could be the queen_ ” Arthur said laughing. He looked in her eyes once more but at the moment he saw her honest concern, he looked away. It was not the time for him to be thinking about sentimentality, he had too many problems in his head for now and when he reached the exit to the knight`s yard, he turned to her and hold her frail shoulders with both hands. “ _I am not going to die but if I did, you would not be a terrible ruler_ ”.

He finished the conversation with this, leaving the king`s ward standing alone at the door, revolving in her head the picture of a new queen. She did not desire any of that, she only had wanted for Arthur to behave more like an honorable man than a rebellious prat. She felt she was not asking for the impossible.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur had tested all the candidates with disappointment written in his face. The problem was not that the men were terrible with their swords or did not know how to pick a shield. In fact, they were quite impressive in some aspects but they were not what Arthur had expected from them. He was expecting magic, something truly unique that could make him said with proud: “ _These are the knights of Camelot, the bravest men in all five kingdoms_ ”. The group of sweat and tired men that were standing in front him did not say such thing.

He had felt the weight of Morgana`s words in his mind: if he did not know what he would be facing, there was a strong chance he could die the next day. But he did not fear death like a common man and the possibility of him not breathing at that time the next day did not frighten him as well. In fact, the only thing he was scared of was that he could die with this type of men at his side. He feared of a death with no honor and nothing more but he could never admit such thing to her. Or anyone in that case.

He presented the exercise he knew so well: if a man was able to defeat him in battle, then he would be knighted that same night. He gave the candidates a fair chance but only four of the twenty men were able to succeed –with a little help from him- and his disappointment seem to plummet to the ground with this perspective for his end.  

He was ready to send the men away from the yard when one more candidate took a step forward from the group. His face was covered with an armet and all of Arthur could properly see were the man`s eyes. The man bowed in front of him and placed his sword on the ground, ready as he could ever be to face the prince in a duel. Arthur thought how he did not really have much to lose at the moment so he gave him a chance. Huge mistake.

The stranger was not only better than the other men but he was dangerously closed to be better than Arthur himself. He moved his sword with elegancy, as if it was another member of his own body and his feet seem lighter than air itself. _This man is not fighting_ , Arthur thought, _this man is dancing around in armor and he is kicking my arse in the meantime"_.

He tried to resist the man`s strong movements, hiding the best he could the extra effort he had to do to not fall to the ground one more time. One swing, two and three and Arthur was exhausted; it was not just a matter of strength or speed –which he possessed greatly- but something far more mystical. It was the magic Arthur had been waiting for, a natural talent indeed. Whoever this man was, he had been born with a gift...

...A gift that seem to disintegrate to the ground as Arthur manage to wield his sword unto the stranger`s shoulder and made him lose his balance. He was of course disappointed but when he approached him to offer his helping hand, a leg that appeared been made out of thin air made him loose his own place and fall next to him with a loud noise. The knights and candidates laugh at the sight and Arthur had no more choice than to engage in the joy with them, after all, it had been clear for everyone who was watching that he did not deserve to win this round anyway.

“ _Congratulations sire, you deserve this_ ” the prince said while standing up and cleaning his armor from the dirt and leafs –saving in fact, time from Merlin`s duties-. Once again, he offered his hand, this time with a smile and satisfaction of knowing he had found someone truly special.

The man took his hand and stood up. Arthur looked at him, staring at his black eyes, searching for an answer to the enigma. “ _What is your name?_ ” he asked with innocent curiosity.

When he took off his mask, Lancelot was sweating all over inside the armor he had stolen. He was not smiling like Arthur and had not laughed like the rest of the men; he was as serious as Uther in a bad-mood day, waiting for the moment of revelation with fear in his heart. Would Arthur have him send out of the castle for once and for all? Or would he show him some mercy to allow him to leave by his own feet even when he did not want it to? As he thought of this, he saw Arthur`s smile disappear from his face and so, he prepare himself for the worst.

“ _What on earth are you doing here?_ ” the prince asked, hiding his words on a quiet whisper so the rest would not know the truth. He felt his jaw tensed while the picture of Merlin with long past tears appeared in front of him.

“ _I am here to help you defeat this beast..._ ” Lancelot said as respectful as he could for him while the picture of the prince teasing publicly his servant presented in his mind like an old movie. Once he remembered who he was in fact and who was the man in front of him, he added quickly as he could a " _Sire"_ to his words even when he did not feel the man deserve much respect.

“ _And what makes you believe I would need help from someone like you_?” he asked, holding his arms in fronf of his chest in a defensive position with the few strokes of strength he still had left in his body. He did not want to hurt the man in public or make a scene that would attract the attention of his father but still, he was mad at everything: at him, the mand and even Merlin.

“ _Because I have seen the beast myself_ ” he said.


	11. The return of the Impossible beast (Part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I though of this story in five books, each one within the episodes that was about Lancelot or Lancelot was there.  
> This is the three part ending of the first book, enjoy (I guess)

Merlin had been running all over the castle as the news had taken him by surprise. Arthur had called him early that morning requesting he should prepare everything to leave for a second quest on the next day and he had been doing his chores ever since, without stopping once to think about the meaning of everything.

In the meantime he was waiting for the horses to eat all their food, he took a moment to understand his reality...

If a second quest was to come, it could only mean Arthur had proof that the beast was real and since he had not said anything about his encounter with the animal to the prince, there was only one other possibility by default: Lancelot was not only still around the castle but he had spoken with Arthur itself. And Arthur had obviously listened to him.

“ _What a terrible mess_ ” he thought with grief.

Luckily for him, the eagerness to cry had stopped since his last encounter with Lancelot in the kitchen but as he walked down the corridor to Arthur`s chambers, the idea of an spontaneous encounter with the knight in the halls of the castle made him feel sick in his stomach. It was after all, nothing but anxiety over the presence of one man. He had never felt this way, not even for Arthur but then again, his encounters with the prince seem so different in comparison: after all, every time he had to meet the blonde-hair heir he had done it by obligation. It was a duty he could not escaped but if he tried hard enough, he could escape from Lancelot. If he did his best, he truly have the chance to ignore him for once and for all, the question was: “ _Did he want it to do so?_ ”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur had been standing in front of the open map in his table for more that he could remember. The soon-to-be knight was standing at his side as well and neither of them had said a single word since they entered the room a couple of hours before. They had change clothes to more suitable outfits for the occasion and had been contemplating the charts of Camelot with a serious face. It was obvious neither of them was pleased with the picture as they both prefer to spend a time alone with a certain manservant but it was their duty to discuss possible attack plans. If only they were actually talking to each other.

They both heard the door open but neither move at the sound. When the shy steps seem to stop for no reason, they both turned their heads away from the illustration and into the petrified sight that it was Merlin.

The warlock hold still without moving a muscle in his body. Things had not gone according with his plan; the idea had been to avoid Lancelot not to walk straight to a room with him in it. And with Arthur as well.

Arthur felt as anxious as Merlin had felt minutes before, especially when he understood Merlin sudden paralysis was caused by the presence of the man. 

“ _Are you actually going to do something here Merlin?”_ he asked, breaking the silence with a mock. He felt Lancelot`s reaction in a heartbeat as he had offended Merlin once again in the presence of his friend and he will be damned if he was going to be judge once more by him. “ _Do you?_ ” he added this time with a more soft tone in his voice.

“ _I did not wanted to interrupt_ ” Merlin finally said after what it seem to be an eternity of silence in the chamber. He had not moved his body from his position as Arthur noticed how his servant seemed to stand as far away as he could from him and Lancelot.

“ _You are not_ ” said this time the last one and Arthur could have punched him in the face for it.

The sweetness in his voice was too much for him to handle at the moment and the idea of surging jealousy building up inside his heart was too unbearable for him. He felt like a child at heart and he did not like it.

“ _Well, I disagree so if you are not doing something important here you should leave at once_ ” he added.

“ _I agree sire_ ” said Merlin with a nervous smile before leaving. As he disappeared from the room, Arthur felt a world of solitude around him. This cannot be jealousy, he said to himself, jealousy is for children and women and I am neither.

“ _Tell me where you saw the beast now_ ” he ordered at the man, using consciously the most aggressive and intimidating tone he had and admiring the effects of his words on him. As Lancelot pointed a small woods not too far from the city`s west side, all of Arthur could do was to hear his voice: “ _You are not_ ”. He grinned internally and thought “ _You are certainly are indeed_ ”.

°°°°°°°°°°°

The morning chosen to leave was not as chaotic as Merlin had feared. Truth to be told, people did seem anxious for the departure of the prince but there was no crowd waiting for him and the knights outside the castle to watch them leave. It was a strange morning in fact:

Merlin had had a bad dream, or so he wished to labeled it like that, as he had spend the night surrounded by images of Lancelot`s smile intertwined with Arthur`s eyes. He felt the weight of a night with no sleep as he walked one last time trough the castle, thinking if he had forgotten something important. As he assured himself he had done his job as neatly as possible, he understood he had forgotten indeed the most important duty of all: he had to speak to Gwen one last time before leaving.

It did not took him long to find her as she was doing Morgana`s bed completely alone. He had not seen her since that terrible morning, succeeding at avoiding each other in the halls of the castle with a skill he wished he had used to avoid Lancelot as well. He saw her there and contemplated her beautiful figure before approaching her as he was insecure about what words to use; he knew how much he wanted to apologize for his childish behavior but he did not know if she was willing to listen to him. He did not know if he deserved to be listened at all.

 “ _Do you need an extra set of hands?_ ” he finally ventured to say. She saw him with her dark eyes and smile at him, making Merlin breathe and relax his body for the first time in that morning.

“ _I would not mind_ ” she replied. They tend for Morgana`s soft sheets in silence, exchanging few sights at each other faces for brief moments. Merlin contemplated Gwen`s features and congratulate his good fortune as he knew how much kindness and love such woman could hold inside her heart and how he was allow to call her a friend. His first friend in a strange city, a bond he had almost destroyed with an outburst of silly jealousy, an action he could have never forgive himself for.

“ _Gwen…_ ” he said with a whisper.

“ _Don`t worry Merlin_ ” she immediately replied interrupting his plea.

The minute she saw the boy standing in the shadows, at the door`s step of the room, she had know what it was all about.

She had been thinking about Merlin every second since he had run away from her house and she was eager to talk with him about it, she had been telling herself she was ready to discuss Lancelot but once she heard the news of the second quest, had seen Arthur announcing at court his plans standing next to Lancelot as if they were so righteous for each other, she lost her will power. And then she saw Merlin and felt she did not hold the strength for it.

“ _But I feel I owe you an apology_ ” he said to her. She saw his eyes and contemplated sadness, an equal sentiment that was growing in her heart. She knew she was not going to be able to hold the pain for both of them this time as she had been Merlin`s rock at the beginning of his time in Camelot, listening to him talking about Arthur –" _That royal prat"_ in Merlin`s words- and the other members of the castle but not this time.

“ _You do not owe me anything Merlin, there was no harm done_ ” she said.

“ _Still I wanted to see you before leaving so I could say goodbye. I could be dead for tomorrow you know?_ ” he said with a somber laugh. He had expected a laugh from her in return, even a smile but she did not look him in the eyes. Merlin knew there was a wound there he could not heal with so little time and he chose to leave her there.

“ _Goodbye Merlin_ ” she whispered as she imagined her friend riding away from her next to Lancelot and into the unknown, into a task she thought was impossible.


	12. The return of the Impossible beast (Part two)

The first day of riding was the worst: the over-all mood felt like a poisonous cloud that covered the minds and hearts of every men riding into the unknown, a cloud that felt somehow special inside Merlin`s chest.

After all, it was not a daily event for Merlin`s every day to be riding within the two men he had feelings for. True, there were confusing and strange feelings he could not quite explain to himself indeed-he could not denied it-but he felt _something_ none the less that made his heart ache at the sight of their eyes. Both brown and blue in equal manner.

It was not normal for him to be this quiet when they had to leave for a quest and Arthur knew that very well as the prince had amused himself with Merlin`s ability to drive the knights insane with his voice and constant talking before. He knew that the most likely cause for his servant`s silence was the presence of Lancelot, he was no fool and understood perfectly well that something bad had happened between the two men but he did not feel the need to be caught in the middle of a quarrel at the moment. He tried to ignore the silence, the presence and the tension between them but failed miserably as he could only think properly of the conversations the two men probably had before. He did not wanted to imagine the words they had exchange but his imagination run wild and the scenarios he envisioned with horror were fragments of the passion between two lovers. “ _What is wrong with me?_ ” the prince asked himself.

Lancelot was no different than him as he had been struggling all the way to not look at the place Merlin occupied next to Arthur. Even when he did not suspect something greater happening between servant and master, he felt an impending sense of jealousy at the liberty both men had for each other: he could only wished to be that close to both of them even if it had to be for different reasons. He wanted to ride at Merlin`s side and talk to him about their fight but he was not brave enough in the matters of the heart as he was at battle to show how weak he felt for him… and how confused he felt over the entire situation. He was riding with the future king of Camelot, he had defeated him in battle and the promise of becoming a knight awaited him in the near future. It felt as his old fantasies had come to life in the matter of a couple of days, a surreal spectacle of his wild dreams into reality but yet, he did not feel the joy he had expected before. He could only felt as if the picture was incomplete.

If someone could have know what the three men were thinking at that exact moment they would have not know entirely if they should laugh or cry at them, something they did not know as well too.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

They had stopped for the horses to drink and then to rest over an hour ago.

The improvised camp was in complete silence and there were no men inside the group of fifteen brave enough to break it, as if they fear such action was against the wishes of the prince but they knew so little. In fact, the silence was close to drive Arthur insane at any moment and most likely, something very peculiar would have happened if they had no heard the distinctive sound of a tree falling in the distance. They were not yet at the location Lancelot had mention but they were very close to the place where Merlin had meet the beast for the first time.

Once the men heard such noise, their bodies tense up and stood there –sword in hand- expecting for something to happen; they were not sure what they expected in fact but they knew that anything capable of drive their prince into two different quests in one week was worth the expectation.

For the moment they heard the noise, Lancelot searched for Merlin`s eyes, looking for any sign of approval, wanting to know if he understood the meaning of this.

Merlin felt the gaze of Lancelot`s sight at his side but he did not looked at him as he knew he was not capable of staring into such dark eyes and not feel his he art ache with the memories. Instead, he focused on Arthur`s position as he was doubting on how the prince could react: maybe he would charged with a raging scream at the source of the noise or he would slowly walked in the same direction. He felt frighten for the idea of Arthur getting hurt so far away from home; even when he could not stand the prince`s attitude most of the days, he had not forgotten he was his destiny.

But Arthur did not move at all and he remained standing next to his horse. He did not reacted immediately because he was not sure if the noise had been real, he thought for a moment he was imagining everything and he was in fact sleeping in his chambers far away from there but once he saw the rest of the search party stand in one moment and looked into the same white spot where there was nothing at sight except for more trees, he knew that something had started to happen.

They had not found the impossible beast but he had found them instead.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The attack was everything except smooth. It only took five seconds between the first noise at the distance and the actual sight of the creature`s body to happen, not enough time to discuss a strategy and certainly not enough time to run away. It flew right over their heads and the winds that his wings hold inside took them by surprise, even tossing a couple of men to their asses. The beast had disappeared once again while they recover from such close encounter and Merlin was still in shock: he was not sure what just happened but he was very convinced that whatever just flew over their heads was not the beast he had met before. Finally he dared to look at Lancelot and when he found his eyes, he could read the same fear he was feeling as if their minds were at sync in one second.

Arthur was shouting at his men to pick up their shields and stand guard. The horses were moving in terror but the prince felt he did not have the time to worry about it. Lancelot had described him the beast before leaving, including a poor sketch of his proportions and once he felt the surprise leave his body, he realized it did not look at all as the man had said. As two knights were in charge of calming the animals down, Arthur walked straight into Lancelot and hold his shoulders, making sure the man could feel his anger.

“ _What was that?”_ the prince asked and the small amount of color he had left on his face leave him when he look the fear in the soon-to-be knight`s eyes. “ _That was not the beast you have told me about, did you lie to me?_ ” he asked once again, this time not upset or feeling the urge to punched him in the face but with fear in his tone.

“ _I don`t know_ ” he said with honesty and Arthur understood that. If he did not know about that, if he was not sure what they had faced then they were all dead.

“ _Sire_ ” he heard.

“ _Not now Merlin_ ”.

“ _I think I can help_ ” the servant replied from a distance. Lancelot`s eyes shipped from the prince`s face into the warlock`s body as he was standing behind Arthur with a serious face. What does he mean? The man asked himself.

“ _And how would you do that?_ ” Arthur asked with irony in his tone, a strategy he only used with his father when he felt the need to hide his fears and look regal at his side but in this time, he felt the need to not let his servant`s know about his fears. If he could be scared, he did not even wanted to think how Merlin was feeling.

“ _That it is not the beast we are looking for, sire_ ” Merlin said.

“ _I am aware of that now, thank you very much Merlin_ ”

“ _But I think is close_ ” the servant added.

“ _Merlin, you are not making any sense_ ” Arthur said. “ _Is it or is it not?”_ He felt Lancelot leaving his side and walking towards Merlin, he saw the two men share a glimpse of a secretive sight and suddenly, felt like an outsider to the situation. One more secret between them, why does he feel so jealous about it? The lives of his men are at stake in that moment and he is jealous about his servant.

“ _I think what Merlin is trying to said is that we were attacked by the beast`s mother_ ” Lancelot this time spoke, now completely at Merlin`s side. Arthur did not want it to focus on the small details but he could not help to see how equal both men seem while every time he had walked next to Merlin, he always seem so small in comparison.

“ _You mean there are two of those things here_?” Arthur asked incredulous.

Merlin smiled but not because he felt happy but because he felt there was no other expression to deliver such dreadful news. “ _I don`t think there are just two of them my lord”._


	13. The return of the Impossible beast (Part three)

They did not had enough time to come up with a decent plan but at least, they all understood the gravity of the incident and their respective positions.

Arthur had protested –in vain for everyone involve- about letting Merlin participate in the battle but all knights and Lancelot –“O _f course he did as well_ ” he thought for a moment- had agreed that since it had been Merlin`s idea he had some right to fight. Arthur tried to convince everyone that someone with no required skills in the combat area would become more like a burgeon than an asset, stating that Merlin`s presence could damaged the entire half-made plan but no one listen to him even when he was the prince and he was in fact lying. He could not care if Merlin`s participation made the knights look less admirable or less honorable: he was scared, he did not wanted to see his - _very vulnerable_ - manservant hurt because of him.

He thought he was not strong enough to face the four beasts that they must faced and he was worried for his safety; it was in fact a very logical thought but since he was not willing to admit his concerns and everyone agree with Merlin fighting, he had to raise his shoulders in resignation.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

They had been waiting for over an hour where they assume it was the nest of the beast. In silence, once again.

Lancelot had been going through the plan`s main concepts in his head over and over again; since it seem it was not an option to openly talk, he did not have any other choice. He wanted to approach at Merlin and tell him all his fears: like Arthur, Lancelot was scare for the terrible endless possibilities that could end up harming Merlin but unlike Arthur, it was not a matter that he seem too weak to face the beast -after all, Lancelot was fully aware of Merlin`s secret ability- but what if, in the heat of the battle, Merlin`s secret got revealed. What if Arthur sees what he saw before, he was certain that their reaction were not meant to be equal. He would prefer to see Merlin being devoured with one bite by this creature than see him perish in a pyre in front of Uther.

“ _What do you think_?” he heard in a shy whisper next to him. His heart skipped a beat with the unexpected sound that broke the peace in the forest.

“ _Merlin”_ he said.

“ _I know this does not look like the best of times but…_ ”

“ _… but is most likely we are going to die_ ” he added. Merlin was sitting next to him with a more natural position that he had used before when he had been with Arthur and he felt happy even when death was at their near future.

“ _I don`t think we are going to die but it is possible”_ he said.

“ _What makes you believe we are not going to die_?” he asked even when he knew the true, even when he understand than the bravery of the knights and prince Arthur was legendary and Merlin`s magic was powerful enough to protect him he simply wanted to talk with him with the simplicity of one friend to another.

“ _Because Arthur is too good to die for something like this”_ Merlin said with a smile.

It was the first time he had said the name of the prince to him and the taste was bitter on his mouth. Merlin had said the word not in the same way the other knights mention it or the other commoners around Camelot, not even with the same level of admiration he used himself. “ _You are also too good for it_ ”

“ _You too_ ”

“ _Well, then we are all too skillful for this and we should leave right now_ ” Lancelot said with a laugh Merlin accompanied gladly. Maybe they had laughed more loudly than they should have or maybe Arthur had been more concerned of listening to their words than he should but the next thing that shook the peace of the woods was Arthur`s harsh words “ _Quiet!”_.

It was best if they stop talking right away and as Merlin placed himself with more liberty next to Lancelot`s position, the knight savored the silence.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin was not entirely certain why he had come to Lancelot`s side but now that he was waiting with him, he felt happy inside. He was still fully aware of the danger that they had to face and how his greater duty was to protect the prince but he let himself one brief moment of liberty next to the dark-haired man. He felt, not happy or joyous, no exhilarating feelings but truly peaceful as he had belonged next to him for longer than he could understand. Maybe it was the man`s simplicity or the idea that Arthur seem more like a distant dream for him to catch but something inside the warlock`s heart said to him that for this time, his place was next to Lancelot.

But the peace and silence, the warmness in his heart like all good things must come to an end. In a violent manner.

The knights once again saw nothing but the sound was to distinctive to ignore, the familiar sound of wings folding in the air with the strength of a lion lurking over their heads but this time, it had not been one pair... or two… but four of them. Merlin had been right, the beast was a mother of three and all of them were ready to hunt and him with the rest were the next best thing on their menu.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

In the time of the battle, the positions were known: Arthur with sir Leon and two more knights were the vanguard, behind them Lancelot will stand with the rest of the men –being five in total- and finally, Merlin will be behind all of them.

When Arthur explained his plan he made sure for everyone to know he had put Merlin in the back because he was less prepared and was less skillful with the sword but he knew very well inside that he was not placing him in any immediate danger. But then of course, as everything has seemed to occurred so often every single time before, the plan did not matter at all and every men was standing as equals to face the worst: Arthur, sword in hand next to Lancelot and Merlin.

When the prince turn back shouting at his men to stay alert, he thought he had seen for the split of a moment how two hands hold each other briefly. The sight had throw him to another place, making him loose his focus and when one of the beasts came back flying unto his direction, there was not much he could do.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot contemplated four figures not so far away from them, standing still in front of his eyes as if they were waiting for the best moment to attack; he felt at peace with himself and prepare for battle but he needed to try something at least one time. The chaos was great and the knights were trying to find the best position, one of the smallest beast had flown again over them shouting a high pitch that seem to enter their minds as a nightmare and nobody was truly aware of each other so Lancelot decided it was now or never.

He reached for Merlin`s hand as he had nothing else to lose. When he felt the reassuring contact of one hand holding with another, his heart skipped with violence and the adrenaline rush that came over his head was all that he could have asked for: here he was, facing a certain death next to him. If it had not been for such rush, maybe Arthur could have died in that place with no honor but he was ready to move and he was ready to attack; when he saw the mother coming over the prince`s place, he did not thought a second more and pushed him to the ground. He saved him and all that Arthur could think in that moment was “ _Why did it have to be you?_ ”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now im sure the next will be the last of this book....


	14. The return of the Impossible beast (Part four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very long but no regrets

Not because Lancelot had saved Arthur, the fight had to stop. The knights came in formation once again and two of the beasts flew over their heads, knocking them straight to the ground; they were unconscious inmediately and the only hope that was left were this three conflicted men.

Arthur was on Lancelot`s arms and Merlin was standing next to them, neither of the three looking at each other. The mother had not appeared again but their children were flying over their heads, almost twenty meters above them; technically, they could considerer themselves safe for the moment but their high screams were something of a nightmare for their ears.

“ _What are we going to do!?”_ screamed Lancelot standing from the ground, helping Arthur by giving him a hand which the prince reluctantly accepted it.

“ _We need to find a way to kill them_ ” said Arthur, cleaning his sword and holding it with a strong hand. He look at Merlin and then Lancelot, staring at the only two allies he had left: one he could not stand and the other he could not watch getting hurt. He wanted to think of some other moment where he had faced a more difficult situation but, he was not sure whether it was the heat of the moment or that in fact, there wasn`t other situation that could be worst that made his mind blank. The truth was that he was doomed and doomed indeed next to Merlin.

“ _We can`t kill them_ ” Merlin said and instantly regret it. Arthur look at him as he had said the most outrageous thing in the world and Lancelot saw him with confusion.

“ _What are you saying now Merlin?_ ” Arthur said “ _You can`t be a girl now, we are going to die_ ”

“ _Merlin, he is right, if we do nothing we are going to die here and now_ ” said Lancelot with a more calm voice.

Merlin look at both of them, he stared at their faces and into their eyes. He was not sure how he could explain what he was feeling or how to justify his reasons; he was no fool, he knew the gravity of their situation entirely but he also knew what it was the need to preserve a family. He had brought death at his side ever since he had come to Camelot and he was not willing to let it be a permanent companion.

“ _I know that we could die but maybe we can find a way to send them away from our borders, maybe far away enough so they will never return_ ” he said with a plea in his voice.

“ _I can`t even listen to you right now Merlin, this is ridiculous_ ” Arthur said. The prince hold his sword in front of his face and prepare to walk to the mother`s position; the children were still flying over them but they were not as big in comparison to their mother so in Arthur`s head, they were not his biggest concern. He tucked away any concern for Merlin`s sanity at the moment and look to Lancelot, searching for a partner in this “ _Are you ready?_ ” he asked to the man and he nodded to his relief.

Arthur only took two steps ahead before darkness came over him and he fell on the ground once again, only this time, there was no knight to hold his fall.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin could not believe what he had saw: Lancelot had knocked unconscious Arthur and let him fell over the ground, deep into a sleep from were he would not awake in a long time.

“ _What did you just did?_ ” he asked with panic in his voice. He ran to Arthur`s side and hold his head over his lap, checking if the prince was still breathing. To his relief, he was but the blow to the head was meant to leave a mark in his precious hair.

“ _Don`t worry Merlin, I don`t think I could have killed him_ ” Lancelot said.

“ _You understand that once he wakes up, he will have you hang from this?_ ” he said and he feared once more, not for the prince but for him. Lancelot, death for treason? By Arthur`s hand? This was indeed a nightmare he could not wait to wake from.

“ _Yes_ ” was his response and the peace in his voice was terrifying. Had he lost his mind and was prepared to die at this moment? He thought for a second but such idea was to insane to considerer it for much longer; suicide was not in Lancelot`s trope, Merlin knew this very well so of course, they had to be a more ulterior reason to do so. “ _Now, without Arthur`s help or any other help from the knights, how are we going to survive this_?” he asked.

“ _With your magic of course_ ” he responded, once again as he had been saying hello to an old friend and not actually revealing something that made Merlin`s stomach appeared over his throat.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Since when have you know?_ ” or “ _How did you know?_ ” would had been proper answers to such revelation but Merlin was never a very bright person and utter silence was the only response he could made. For a moment, Lancelot had thought he had broke a part of his brain or at least, a part inside his head because every trace of color disappear from Merlin`s face.

“ _I know I should have tell you before or at least, at a more favorable moment but right now I trust that you can find a away to solve this_ ” Lancelot said.

“ _Me? Solve this_?” the warlock asked. How he could solve this? He had suggested the possibility of saving the mother and her children but never truly thought of a proper way. “ _I don`t have a plan for this_ ” he said with panic in his voice.

“ _Neither do I but still, I hit the prince in the head for it so it is your turn to act_ ”

Merlin looked into the sky, three figures circling over his head, three figures that were in fact beasts… How could he show mercy at such horrifying creatures? How he could find a way to save their lives when they had not shown the same mercy themselves? He look back at Lancelot`s side, the memory of his hands over his own seeming far away from there, like a dream from a different life. There was only one word and one word over in his head: “ _Mercy_ ”.

“ _Do you think they deserve to be saved?_ ” he asked with the hint of a tear in his eyes. The same blue eyes Lancelot remember when he woke up in Merlin`s bed that first morning; the knight remember the vitality in them, how the surge for something unique had sparkle over the clear blue. He look in Merlin`s eyes and for the first time in forever, he did not saw the spirit of an old man but the soul of a man filled with greatness.

“ _I think they deserve a chance to live for something better_ ” he said.

Merlin understood as he had only needed for his words to tell him the truth. What he had being facing were nothing but creatures of magic who had done wrong because it was in their natures but if something –or someone- could help change that, then not only four lives could be save but a message would be send for everyone with magic around the kingdom: It is not what you are that makes you evil but how you use it that defines your nature. Merlin had magic –he had a gift- and it was his duty to do what was right.

“ _I think I have a plan_ ” he said.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Are you sure this will work_?” Lancelot asked one last time. They had place the knights and Arthur away from where they had been standing and Merlin had told him what was going to happen next but doubt was still lurking over his mind.

“ _Just because every single plan we had had so far has not work, doesn`t mean this will not_ ” Merlin said from behind a tree, looking to Lancelot who was hiding behind another with his sword in hand. Merlin hold no weapon, not even a shield and he knew how risky that could be but he had to trust in his own abilities, he had to trust his magic would be his shield and sword at this fight.

“ _That it is not funny_ ” Lancelot said serious but with a smile he could not help to hide. Merlin smiled back at him and for a moment, everything seem as they were walking through the woods like two normal men. Merlin ventured himself to think a future where such ideas could be a reality and not a simple misplaced dream “ _I am not laughing”_ he said.

And then, it happened.

Lancelot cut the small string that hold the log over his head and two more trees fell on the ground, causing a massive effect of chaos but Merlin had done something the knight could not define over the other men so the sound would not waken them but he had done nothing over the beasts and as they had expected, it awake their curiosity. They both saw how they flew screaming directly to them and they ran to the other side as fast as they could; behind another pair of trees, Lancelot cut a second string and two more fell over them. With no time to waste, they ran three more times repeating the same action: sword, string, trees. Everything was an act of magic indeed because, for a chance they had hoped for, the logics of physics applied in their favor and all of the trees they had drop fell over each other forming a cage made of wood. Merlin surprised himself at first and then, started to run in circles around the logs with Lancelot at his side without forgetting to make as much noise as he could with his hands and Lancelot with his sword and as expected, the beasts followed them around over and over again until they fell on the ground like the trees before, their heads filled with confusion.

Merlin said in a whisper one small enchantment that he ensured Lancelot would prevent them from flying for a couple of minutes. Merlin had thought that they were facing children, babies and nothing more and like every baby, they would prefer a game before anything. It had been a silly conclusion but at the end, it had worked in their favor. What was next was the only logical step: children in danger, the mother would strike.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

They only heard the scream at first, the shout of a worried mother but then, they saw the shadow cast over their bodies. Merlin had thought he was ready but the strike of a claw that had sent him to the ground caught him by surprise.

“ _Are you alright_?” Lancelot asked but he did not had the time for a response as the mother flew towards him; he fought back with his sword but Merlin`s scream send him back to reality “ _No!! We must not hurt her_!” he said.

Merlin stand up from the ground and expanding his hand in front of his face said more words Lancelot could not understand but the gold in his eyes was the only sign he needed it. When the mother was flying directly over Merlin, the words flew through the air towards her and time seem to stop. The beast that once seem impossible stop in front of the two men; her face changing completely and her eyes seeming more human than ever. Lancelot`s heart ached with the sight and for the first time saw what Merlin had seen: a mother protecting her own as he had protected Merlin that first time in the woods.

“ _We are not going to hurt you or your children_ ” Merlin said with tears in his eyes “ _We don`t want to kill you or you kind, I can give you my word that we would not hurt you if you promise to leave and never attack Camelot again_ ” he said.

The beast of course could not respond, not even Merlin`s magic was that powerful but it could certainly understand what he had said. It look at him with eyes filled with distrust and walked with her paws closer to him; the beast saw the eyes of magic and something neither Merlin or Lancelot could explain happened: the beast approach Merlin`s extended hand and place her head beneath it. Merlin smile with hope and Lancelot let go a relieve sigh from his lungs. The beast walked towards her children and smelling them, caressed their wings like Merlin`s mother did it when he had been a child himself. It only took the touch of a mother for them to wake up and before leaving forever, four pairs of eyes stare at the two men not like monsters but like equals. They raise their bodies from the ground and flew far away from them.

“ _It worked_ ” Lancelot said with relief but Merlin did not seem like the happy man he should had been. The tears had not stopped from falling over his face, a face covered in despair. “ _What is it_?” he asked, coming next to him and holding his hand.

“ _Now you have to go_ ” he said. There were so much they both had to said to each other in that moment but neither of them was brave enough, neither of them fell the strength left to said the unspeakable so they sealed their thoughts with a kiss: simple, small and honest. Merlin did not knew at the moment, neither did Lancelot but this was not meant to be the last one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for read this and all the kudos  
> i will treasure every one of them


	15. Lancelot and Guinevere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the new start for the second book in this story

The clack of Morgana`s shoes was the only sound that could be heard around the halls of the main building in the castle.

If Uther could have been next to her, he would have give his ward a petrifying glance reserved only when either her or Arthur behave improperly or embarrassing but he was not there and she did not care about his face. In fact, she did not care at all about Uther at the moment. She was a desperate person with a real trouble and she was counting on Arthur`s generosity, an attribute she was not entirely sure it exist to start with.

“ _It was my entire fault_ ” she had said to the king but he did not want to listen to begin with.

“ _She is been capture and torture as we speak, I cannot simply stay here and do nothing_ ” she said with fierceness in her voice.

“ _She is nothing but a servant girl, we can find plenty of them around the city Morgana_ ” he said with stone cold tone in his voice as if such words would have had any sense of reassuring in her.

“ _She is not just a servant to me… she is my friend_ ” she had said, tempting her fortune with those words; she was not sure if the key to help Gwen rest on Uther`s sympathy for his ward but Morgana was prepare to face the opportunity. Unfortunately, it was an unsuccessful move as Uther`s heart remain in the same place: a servant it`s not worth the risk of a knight`s life. So Morgana went to Arthur, not to beg him to help her but to reach the ounce of honor he could have left inside his heart.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _You are going for her, aren`t you_?” Merlin said while watching Arthur walk around his chambers looking for the coat metal that was resting over his desk.

“ _No Merlin, we are going for her_ ” the prince replied after finding the coat. Merlin stare at the blonde`s face with uncertainty about his words; he already felt in some way jealous of Arthur and Gwen`s relationship –the complicity and the stolen looks he sometimes caught by accident in the castle- but he was not sure if such jealousy was due to something greater. Merlin still hold inside his heart feelings for Arthur but he did not allow himself to let them grow any more than a simple crush, a task that some days seem impossible to achieve as he had to either prepare the prince`s bath or dressing him up in the morning.

“ _The king said it was forbidden_ ” Merlin said, helping Arthur fitting his belt and sword.

“ _I know what my father said, I was there remember?_ ”

“ _Why are you doing this?_ ” he asked, dreading what could be the answer; he mentally scolded himself for such thought. No, he was not jealous; no, he did not care if Arthur worried for Gwen`s safety. In any way, he was worried as well: Gwen was his friend, his first friend here and the history they both share run deeper than any could suspect, especially Arthur. Something to do with a black-haired man and a share night in one`s bed but Merlin never let the memory float heavier in his present. It was the past for him and he was happy about it as Arthur was his present. His destiny.

“ _We are doing this Merlin, not just me. The two of us, remember?_ ” Arthur said checking the sharp edge of his sword.

Merlin had always enjoyed hearing Arthur talk about them as if they were some sort of team but at the moment, he did not enjoy in the same way: together to save the woman he fancied. “ _That it`s just twisted_ ” he said to himself.

“ _So you are saying if we get caught and we must face trial for treason, we will be treated equally?_ ”

“ _Are you insane? If we get caught I`m going to say it was all your idea_ ” the prince said with an innocent smile Merlin devoured with his blue eyes.

“ _Prat_ ” he replied this time with the liberty to speak his thoughts out loud. Oh, how much has things changed since the start.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Gwen was sitting in the corner of what it could only be a shift-made dungeon somewhere far away in some woods she could not recognize wearing the purple dress Morgana had lend her without knowing the consequences. She had been crying at first but her eyes were soared by now, her mind was tired and she was scare; there was no deny in that as she could only hope for a miracle if she was going to make it alive at the end of this. But she was a realistic person and held no expectations in her behalf. Who could be daring enough to come and rescue her? She was still, nothing but a servant girl dress like a queen yet holding no crown; perhaps Morgana would claimed her body to reclaim once again her clothes, she thought with bitterness.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _You are nothing but a coward, Arthur Pendragon!_ ” Morgana shouted at the prince`s face.

“ _Morgana…_ ”

“ _Don`t you dare to deny it. I have taken you for a man with honor but you are as much as a coward as any other ordinary man_ ”

“ _Morgana…_ ”

“ _Gwen is your friend and you are willing to let her die there because you are too afraid of defying your own father. What kind of king could you make acting like that?_ ”

“ _Morgana!_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

Arthur stared at her green eyes, racing his eyebrows as if he was waiting for an epiphany from her side. The lady in the green dress stared at him back, not understanding his silent words. “ _What?_ ” she asked again, this time with a more peaceful yet impacient tone and a more relax posture but Arthur did not respond and simply remain standing in front of her as if he only wanted for her to admire his clothes. It only took a couple more seconds for her to see what she need to see: his clothes.

Arthur wearing his armor, Arthur carrying his sword, Arthur ready to leave for a quest. “ _You are going then?_ ” she asked.

“ _Of course I`m going_ ” he said as if he was reciting the alphabet to her, as if she was listening something too obvious to explain with words.

Morgana breathe releasing all the tension her body held inside. “ _Good, you should leave now then_ ”

Arthur smiled at her and nodded as if he was obeying her orders and marching to war at her beat.

His smile only grew wider when he found Merlin waiting hidden in the stables behind a mountain of straw holding to his backpack as if his life depend it on. The sight was everything that he needed it to fill his chest with courage for the future.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The man walked around the dirt with a silent step. No animal could feel his presence and certainly no man could see him unless he wanted to. He was a ghost in the woods, a ghost in a mission he could only fulfill with joy: he was a knight searching for a damsel to save.


	16. The rising of the sickness -Part one

They had been riding for almost half a day before they would stop so the horses could rest and they could eat something. Merlin did not pack many things, as the rush of a clandestine escape had been brief yet exhilarating; he does not think about the terrible implications his actions imply, he doesn`t think about how Arthur had possible risk his life for Gwen`s and he does not ask himself whether he could possibly do the same thing for him. Why should he? Why put more wood into the raging fire that it is his heart? He remembered the fury he had felt before while watching Arthur flirted at Gwen with the liberty of a young man and a young woman that can enjoy the perks of being young and able to love. He does not need any more depressing thoughts with him to carry on his head.

“ _You are awfully quiet today and that is very disturbing Merlin_ ” the prince said to him while they drink crystal water from the river they had found.

“ _I`m just tired of riding all day sire_ ” he answered, hoping the prince could let this strange silence pass to oblivion.

“ _Sire?_ ” he asked with a grin on his face “ _You haven`t been this formal to me since the first day you came to Camelo_ t” he said.

“ _Is that so_?” he asked. He doesn`t want to have this discussion, he doesn`t want to have to talk with Arthur at this moment; he only feels like being alone, alone in his bed and waits for this to be a dream, or more so, a nightmare.

“ _And if I do remember correctly, your politeness towards me only lasted about... three seconds?_ ” Arthur replied. Merlin curses himself as he smile with the memory.

“ _Well, I remember you only deserved one second of my politeness_ ” he finally answered with the same tone of always.

“ _There he is_!” the prince responded with a smile in his face. Merlin dares himself for one second and looks back at Arthur`s place, at his smile and he can`t help himself to smile back, he simply cannot resist such expression. He simply can`t resist to his prince.

Because Arthur it is his, even when he dreads of speaking the truth out loud. After all, the man is his destiny so why can he be his as well? He asks himself.

“ _Please tell me you are not worry about what my father will do when we return?_ ” he heard the prince reply. He has walked to his position and has cleaned his face for every drop of fresh water around his mouth; Merlin stared at such lips for one second before turning his attention towards Arthur`s eyes and with a will-power he never thought he could have, raised his eyebrow with an innocent smile as if he was saying; “ _Me? Scared of Uther?_ ”

Merlin wishes his lucky stars that Arthur doesn`t see beyond his expression and as they leave to ride once again, he sees how the prince turns his back to him with a care-free smile on his face as if he was saying this time: “ _There you are!_ ”.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot knew this was never a part of his life-plan but he can`t resist himself to do what he feel is right. And not only what he feels like but what it is truly right, and brave, and courageous. Save the damsel in distress, be the knight he feel he is in his heart, be the man he used to be once upon a time when he was in Camelot. “ _Camelot_ ” he thinks for one brief second but Lancelot doesn`t let his thoughts to slip very often to the capital of the kingdom. He knows better about that, to not let his mind wander off to a place he knows can only be a synonym of pain and lost… which it is still more than enough reason to do nothing at this moment, to let this pass and look away, to not be honorable or legend-worthy, to not go to save Gwen because he knows better.

She knows too much, she means too much for him and one glance at her beautiful face could bring back the death from his heart and one million more faces to flash over his eyes, one million faces of dark hair and blue eyes. But Lancelot is not a coward and could never be the man who looks away when someone is in need of a helping hand. Curse my kind spirit! He would say if he enjoy speaking ill of himself but then again, Lancelot knows better.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur tells himself he is not doing this for Morgana, he repeats himself over and over again how he is risking his life for Gwen, because she is her friend and because of all the people in Camelot, she deserves better because Arthur knows how much _Gwen knows about him_...  but he can`t see to shrug out the feeling of guilt he has been feeling ever since he left Camelot; he can`t help to not enjoy the time he has being able to spend with Merlin alone in silence. He tells himself that a quest to save a woman should not feel this good but he would know that it is a lie, because for Arthur this is not a quest: this is a date and he feels terrible about it.

The horses cross a small river as the daylight seem to come to an end and the prince knows it is time to find a shelter. He looks back at Merlin and sees his manservant trying not to get too much water over the supplies bag he is carrying in the back of his horse. He smiles at the sight; he is has never been very sure why but he had never been able to not see Merlin as more than a frail creature he needs to protect at all costs. Arthur looks at his face and sees the creature that belongs to him.

As they tend over their belongings over a small pyre of fire, he watches Merlin massaging his feet with a frown on his face.

“ _C`mon Merlin_!” he says breaking the silence over the camp “ _It has not been even one day worth of ride, you cannot possible be tired now_ ”

The sheer glance of pure hate he gets in response is more than enough for him to feel calm for the night; he had been worried about Merlin`s state ever since they left the castle early in the morning, his silence and distance did not match with his usual self. He feared perhaps he could be ill and to not disturb him, he would not mention it. Arthur could not truly understand proper reasons about it but he simply enjoy too much how he end up with the only person in the entire kingdom able to call him a prat straight to his face and not care for repercussions. For a moment, Arthur allowed himself to feel fortunate about it.

“ _How can you be so foolish?_ ” he heard all of the sudden, breaking the small bubble of satisfaction that he had let grow around his body. He looked at Merlin with shock in his eyes only to find the eyes of the boy cover in tears.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He never meant to scream at Arthur but the frustration had been building over his head all day long and he simply had enough. He felt the tears rising over his eyes and he could not stop himself of being a huge baby; he looked the shock expression in Arthur`s face turned from surprise to concern and he felt his heart fall deep into his stomach.

“ _I`m… sorry… si…_ ” he started to splatter out but the words had no meaning in his head. He wished he could leave at that moment, leave back to Ealdor and never return or at least, to never have said such words but he could not run even if he truly wished: his feet were naked in the air and too sore to even stand for one second. He felt so stupid.

Arthur came near him, not close enough to be sit next to him but not far enough to not feel his body heat. He wished to read his face but he was not brave enough to face him in the eyes, the tears rolling down his cheeks and hands shaking with cold.

“ _What is it_?” he heard, the sweetest voice he had ever heard before and he felt like a child that most be reassure that there is no monster under his bed. And such feeling made him felt even worst about himself.

“ _I`m not a child_!” he screamed while standing in front of the prince. He looked at him waiting for a response but Arthur only looked back in silence. He wished to apologize once again but his head hurt and felt sick to his stomach. What was wrong with him? One second he felt perfectly fine and the next, completely enraged with himself and everybody, even with Arthur.

“ _I`m not a child_ ” he said one more time, this time only as a whisper to the wind. He breathed as slowly as he could, searching for a peaceful place in his mind to hide as he asked himself one more time, what is wrong with me?

“ _I know th a_t" and he waits for more but there isn`t, not a single comment or mention to his outburst " _Are you ill?_ ” the prince asked instead.

“ _I`m not sick_ ” he responded, not sure whether he is saying this to Arthur or himself.

“ _You can move?_ ” he heard and he nodds in response “ _Then bring back your arse to the fire or you`ll freeze_ ”. He takes a step forward as he felt the hand of the prince in his, leading him near the warm of the flames; he did not look back and he stared at his hair for what it seem an eternity.

They did not speak anymore for that night and Merlin fell asleep thinking of the warm hand of the prince that had been his for one second.  


	17. The rising of the sickness -Part two

Merlin woke up not quite sure about what had happened the night before.

Did he screamed at Arthur, the prince itself? He vaguely could remembered a shred of tears falling through his face and... a hand, but the whole scenario felt more like a dream than actual reality. He inspected the camp around him and his eyes directed themselves as a magnet to metal towards Arthur`s body; Merlin could not believe his sight and remain silent while watching the prince –his prince- sleep next to him, holding his sword in his hand like a child holding his most precious toy.

He doubted whether to wake him or not, he even questioned if he was awaken himself or this was a continuation to his nightmare: maybe he was sleeping in his chamber back at the castle, maybe the journey to save Gwen had never occurred, maybe last night was nothing more than another dream. If that was the case, Arthur would not be truly next to him and his face would not even be real; his hand approached him with fear as if one of his fingers could ripped and break the bubble of his dream, and gently as he could, caressed the prince`s cheek.

His head ached more than usual and he felt dizzy but he assumed it was because he haven`t eaten properly since he had left the castle two mornings before. He felt so worried about his own health than just for one moment he forgot where his hand was and lost control over his actions. His hand had found his way to Arthur`s neck and while he touched the mild skin of the prince, the blond sleeping beauty beside him moan in a soft whisper.

Now Merlin was truly convinced this could only be nothing but a dream.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Get up_!” the man screamed and she had nothing else to do but obey. The fat and bearded creature standing in front of her smell like garbage and filth, all combined into one person and while he grabbed her arm with a strong hold, she used every ounce of power she had left to not smell him and to abandon her place in that moment. As he dragged her through what it seem an endless corridor of halls and rooms, Gwen close her eyes and pretend she was walking through the castle she had learnt to love instead; she pretended that what she was holding in her hands were not shackles but Morgana`s clean sheets, she pretended that it wasn`t someone more similar to a beast than man holding her arms but Merlin who was taking her to the knights`s yard so they could watched Arthur practiced with the knights. She so foolishly wished for this to be real but she knew very well that all the fantasies in the world could not save her from her reality.

She saw the man standing beside what it seem to be a cage made of wires and wood, staring at her with a smile of self-content and she wished for a dagger to crossed over his neck.

He walked towards her and when the smelly beast finally set her arm free, he hold her hands in his and look straight into her eyes.

“ _Good morning Lady Morgana_ ” he said and she could see the brown teeth in his mouth. She felt the breath of a dead man and the empty stare of a corpse and as the fear grew inside her, she looked back at his eyes and after taking one last breath replied: “ _Good morning to you as well sire_ ”.

The man smiled at her and let his hands wander off hers, feeling every finger with his and moving his way up to her elbows. He touched the gentle fabric of Morgana`s dress, the purple silken path around her hips and did the best she could to not shiver uncontrollably at his touch.

“ _Tell me something my lady_ ” the man said while still holding her hands in his and moving closer to her face, so close she could actually have counted the number of hairs in his black beard “ _Why does Uther Pendragon`s lovely ward has the hands of a serving girl?_ ”

She could not hide it for much longer and let the fear of realization escape from her eyes. As the man laugh at her silent response, she told herself how this was her end, she was doomed at last to a violent death. “ _Kerren!_ ” the man screamed looking at her back and the half man-half beast came back to hold her in his grip even when she truly had no further strength to fight back. 

“ _Send her back to her cell_ ” and she was passed around from one pair of hands to another and another. As she left the room beside another equally revolting man, she looked one last time as the bearded man send the man called Kerren into the cage with his sword. The last thing she heard, where a man`s screams of absolute terror and the dreadful howl of a beast.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Had he been dreaming of Merlin once again? He had made the promise before to not let this happened but it seem that to control his mind, in the future he ought to not sleep next to the man he so desperately tried to ignore. He wasn`t sure what had the dream being about this time but he could remember the vividness of his touch around his body; if he had been a man to easily blushed at memories, his face would have painted red entirely with the recollection of where he had let Merlin`s dreamy hand walk through his body.

When he woke that morning, Merlin was already up in his feet and preparing breakfast; he shrug himself any sleep left in his body and watched as his servant when through one place to another of the small camp.

He remembered perfectly what had happened the night before but he was afraid of Merlin`s reaction as he was still unsure if he was completely well at the moment; he watched him carrying fresh water from the river to boil in a new pyre and he tried to convinced himself that Merlin`s “ _strange reaction_ ” – he had no other way to call it- had been something to ignore. He knew better and cursing him, he prepared for one heated discussion.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Merlin_ ” he heard. He had noticed the prince`s eyes over his actions while he made breakfast and had failed at trying to ignore him. He wasn`t sure why he felt so much fear at the moment but a part of him was weary at the idea of Arthur realizing where his hand had been minutes before. He sit by the fire and drank a very poorly made bowl of herbal tea to warm himself up inside and gain some strength; his head still felt a little bit rusty but he assumed that after one good meal, he would be fine once again.

Arthur walked and sat in front of Merlin, serving himself tea and drinking it without taking his eyes off the inside of the bowl. When he was finally finish, he cleaned his mouth and let out one small burp that made Merlin grin more relax.

“ _How are you_?” he asked and he was surprised with the loose tone in his voice; Arthur had never speak to him like this before but he did not read too much into the lines and quickly respond with “ _Fine_ ” even though his head was starting to become a bother.

“ _Merlin, if you are filling unwell, we can return back to Camelo_ _t, you know?_ ” he said and the shock would have been enough for him to spill his tea all over Arthur`s face if he hadn`t already finish it. “Lucky prat” he thought before staring at the prince`s eyes with suspicion.

“ _I said I`m fine_ ” he said with a stone cold tone.

“ _I heard you but all I`m saying is that if you feel like maybe there is something troubling you, we can go back_ ” Arthur replied, taking every bit of his time to speak all the words. There it was again, the same patronizing way he had heard the night before; he felt the rage surging over his blood but took a huge breath to calm himself. Where is this coming from? He asked as he had never been a truly hot-tempered person. “ _You don`t have to treat me like a child Arthur, I can take care of myself_ ” he said.

“ _I `m not treating you like a child Merlin, I`m worried about you_ ”

“ _Well, don`t be_!” he said raising his voice a little bit more that he intended to. Arthur seem surprise by this and leaned closer to the fire –closer to Merlin- with a more serious expression.

“ _Why are you so upset with me? I only care for your safety, I dragged you here, you are my responsibility and if you feel unwell, it is my duty to help you_ ”

“ _And what about Gwen_?” he said and bitted his tongue in return. He should not have gone there but once the damage was done, he thought there was nothing else to lose.  “ _You do not care for her too_?” he asked.

“ _Of course I do_!” Arthur responded, this time being his turn to raise his voice “ _What is that suppose to mean_?” he asked.

“ _Nothing_ ” he said not knowing how to answer without giving too much about the feelings in his heart.

“ _No, you`ll tell me what are you thinking right now. It`s an order_ ”

“ _And why should I? I`m your servant, not your friend_!” and he finally stand in front of Arthur and walked away from the heat of the flames.

“ _And I thought Gwen was your friend as well, I thought you will be glad to come here and rescue her_ ” Arthur said, still maintaining his place.

“ _Yes! She is! She is my friend and I want her to be save as well_ ”

_“Then what is the problem? What is wrong with you?_ ”

“ _I told you over and over again, there is nothing wrong with me... I`m fine_ ”

“ _Do you think I`m such a fool to actually lie to my face so boldly_?”

Merlin was unsure what to say next as the heat in his head had risen beyond his control; he felt the cold sweat dripping down over his back and even though he was away from the fire, he felt as if he was standing in a pyre himself. He could not breathe very well and his chest ached with every movement.

“ _Why can you tell me what is bothering you so much? Why can you tell me why has enraged you like this? This is not you; this is not the Merlin I know_ ”

“ _Well then, maybe you don`t know me at all_ ” he meant to said but the words never left his mouth as he plummet instead deep into the ground.


	18. Lancelot`s road

He could only attribute everything that had happened to a matter of fate.

He had seen the group of men near the river by accident as they were near his everyday-path from his small home deep in the woods to the nearest village. He did not give much thought about their nature but something inside him told him they were not to be tested, so he continue to walk ahead of his path as if he had seen nothing. He only lasted about twenty seconds till he heard a pair of female voices and the sound of raging horses marching deep down into the forest. He stopped right at where he was and stood by, waiting for a second sound to confirm what he hopped was a fabrication of his bored mind but as the second scream –“ _definitely a woman_ ” he thought- pierced through his ear, he looked back and started to run in that direction. He never once thought he could get in the way of the riders and continue to run instead, leaving his path and home behind.

He would had like to said he was doing what was right and what any other man with a shred of honor would do but deep down in his heart he knew there was only one reason and one reason alone: he was bored. Bored of the country life, bored of being alone in a small and sad house, bored of not having an excuse to use his sword or armor without looking like fool to the rest… because when he told people he had been a knight of Camelot, people had looked at him as if he was mad and pitied what they thought was his wild imagination.

But while he ran in the search of the danger he had heard, he felt once again like that knight of his pasts days, like the man who could defied everyone and defeated them with one sword. Lancelot knew someone was in danger, possibly in the risk of dying at the hand of mysterious riders but at that moment, he had never felt more alive.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He lost track of the horses much sooner than he had hoped for and he found himself far away from his home and with no true directions to follow. He was still catching his breath when he heard the distinctive sound of a horse`s pace and very timely, he hide behind a bush just before a small group of five men passed where he had been standing seconds before. While laying there, holding his breath and praying to not be found, he took a quick glance at the small convoy: five horses, five riders, all very normal and as he was looking away he saw a small purple dot behind the horse`s shadows. He looked once again and he could not believed what he found: he found _her_ , walking with her hands tied to the back of the smaller horse wearing the most elegant dress he had ever seen in his whole life.

Had he gone mad and was living in a dream world where she had become a princess at last? He asked himself.

He thought of making a small signal for her to catch but he would have been tainting his luck. There were five of them and only one of him, he was still struggling to catch his breath and had not face an actual fight in what it seem like an eternity. He was too rusty to save her at that moment but as he saw her passing by his side, he promised her in his mind he would do everything he could do to free her.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He thought there was a storm inside of him as the simple sight of Gwen`s face had awoken the ghosts of his past. He once again looked back at the wall of Camelot`s castle, the court room and the knight`s yard where once he had beaten the prince himself in a fight. He looked all of this as if he was watching the story of somebody else`s life, the contrast being so pure with his actual life as now more than ever, the walls of his home felt smaller and weakest in comparison.

He remained behind the bush for a moment longer, keen on not letting the trail of horses out of his sight but he could not go any further without taking a moment to regain some composure. Gwen`s presence changed everything for him, not in the sense he was doubting of coming to her rescue but in the sense that she meant so much for him: the evocation of her name brought with it many others. He remembered so many people from his time in the castle, the rest of the knights, the King itself, the prince, Gwen, Gaius, but there was only one name he feared even to speak in his mind.

“ _Him_ ” he thought, not brave enough to say the six letters he had said for so long in his lonelier times. He did not need fanyone telling him how much he had missed him but now, he thought it could do no wrong for him if there was someone to say his name in his behalf.

Finally he stood up and took a side-way road to the path the riders had taken as it definitely was not in his plan to get caught so early on the journey.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

As he walked through the dark forest he did not knew so well, he let his mind wander off to the times where he had been with him. He knew it was a dangerous task to open such a frail wound but he wasn`t sure what it was inside of him that made him feel as if this time it was okay. He simply felt it was right.

Soon the night fall over him but he did not worried as he had followed the trail correctly and he was standing in front of the shy light the candles inside the house produced. “ _So this is where you hide_ ” he thought, never having felt braver than right at that moment. He found a place to spend the night, far enough to not been seen but close enough so he could not lose any major movements around the place.

He closed his eyes and as he felled asleep, he felt a pair of shy lips over his own, sweet as honey and as real as before.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The sunlight caught him by surprise and as he stood in his made-up lair, he watched at the men`s home. Now with a better light, he could see more clear it`s details and following his instincts, he instantly start searching for the entrances and horses. He knew he could not face this enemy without proper equipment and sadly, the only weapon he held was his sword. He did not have his armor or shield and instantly felt tired after realizing he had not eaten since the day before; he wished he had taken a bigger breakfast or at least, that he could have packed with him any other weapon but he reminded himself that all of this had been an event of fortune. Whether it had been good or bad fortune, there was still to be determine.

He took once again a side road and roam around the place`s east side searching for an entrance or a window he could sneak in to see the inside. He found a small square window in the last corner of the place and after checking there was no one in sight, he walked quietly as a cat towards it. He did not know who to thank this time as the first thing his eyes saw was her frail figure sleeping in a corner completely alone.

He whispered as quietly as he could her name but she seem so profoundly sleep he thought for a moment to not wake her and let her rest. Who could knew what she had been dealing during the night? But he thought then, the sooner she knew she wasn`t there alone, the stronger she could feel to face her future. He whispered once again, this time throwing a rock at her head; he wished there could be a more gentle way for him to do this but he had no time to waste considering this. If he was caught there, then they were both as good as dead.

Finally she woke up and looked over her head to find his eyes. At first she stare at him as if he wasn`t even real but once she realized he was actually there, she jump next to the window given her the warmest smile in the entire kingdom.

“ _Good morning princess, I`m here to rescue you_ ” he said at last.


	19. A prince`s monologue

“ _You are certainly are a deep sleeper, aren`t you Merlin?_ ” Arthur said after placing more wood into the fire but the only response he got was pure silence.

After all, it has been half a day and Merlin hasn`t awaken yet. Arthur does not allow for this to cause him any fear -or so, he tries- but every minute that passes and Merlin remains as if he was dead, not feeling fear becomes more and more difficult to achieve. But he keeps trying and doing his best.

He had tried every little thing he could remember from the days he had seen Gaius working with the sick but he is not a physician, he is not even a simple nurse to care for the smallest and simpler of injuries but Merlin is ill and he most do something. Anything.

So he looks after the fire and places his frail black-haired head on top of his bag -so you can be more comfortable, he thinks-, he holds his hand with his own, intertwining his fingers with his, and touching with the gentlest of touchs his cheeks, trying his best to not think about the horrible truth: Merlin is ill and he can`t help him. Somebody has to help him because god knows, he is too close to lose a battle he cannot even fight.

But they are the only ones here to be seen, no one could help them and he doesn`t dare to ride back home with him on top of his horse, what if something else happens? What if he encounters a thief or a beast? Or both? He is a good knight –the best of all, he remembers- but he knows that as skillful as he could possible be he could never protect himself and Merlin at the same time.

“ _If I dare say it Merlin, this is possible the worst date ever_ ” he says with a sad smile “ _I don`t think I could date a man who falls asleep so easily_ ”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He touched his forehead and the heat was like a blazing sun in his hand; he placed back his blue scarf he had damped with fresh river water on his skin and remained there, watching the slow movements of his chest going back and forth for what it seem like an eternity.

He wasn`t entirely sure about it, but he had calculated about five hours since he had seen him plummet straight to the ground after their fight. Was it a fight? He asks himself, maybe it wasn`t, maybe it was the fever talking… “ _Yes_ ” he finally says while nodding his head in approval, “ _it was definitely the fever_ ”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _How could you be so foolish_?” he asked to the man in the same tone he had used with him just the night before. “ _If you felt unwell, why didn`t you speak before leaving? Why did you force me to be your nurse when you know so well I`m utterly useless at it_?” he said. He is struggling to make the smile appear on his face one more time even when he knows no one could watched but he feels he needs to smile even if is only for his own pleasure.

The prince is alone and defenseless in a fight he cannot win with his sword; he has not ventured for too long on his walks, trying to find a soul that could help him but either he is not looking properly or he is indeed the only person there. He needs to remind himself that that is not true: he is not alone, he is with Merlin.

Good old Merlin, _poor old Merlin_.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He is not even sure anymore how many hours have passed since he left this world and enter the one of dreams. Five? Seven? Or maybe just one? Maybe he is the one that is asleep instead, with Merlin at his side back in the castle.

Once he realized he is very much awake and very much lost in this, the guilt that overrides his heart starts to see almost unbearable for him: he is not sure how many hours have been but he is definitely certain he has not wasted a single second thinking about Gwen`s fate. Perhaps he has been right all along; perhaps he does not deserve her as his friend.

But then again, both young boys are tied up in a bond they cannot break so easily, neither do forget their story because if there is one person in the entirety of the kingdom that knows the truth that is locked inside the prince`s heart is the sweet-eyed maid that could be very much death at this point. Why did he confide in her? Why did he had to be weak enough to trust her with such powerful knowledge?

He remembers to pass alone the time... It had all happened at the feast.

The court was celebrating the latest tournament with lots of wine and food and the sweet tastes of liquor had risen over his head, making him lose his temper and awareness of his surroundings. Everyone seem so happy around him, congratulating him on his victory, padding his shoulders with empty smiles filled with a joy he did not share. He had made his way to his chambers alone, stumbling upon every wall and pillar that had dared to crossed his path: he tried to open his door but his hands did not seem to respond to his commands so he started shouting with no remorse, searching for his useless servant. Where Merlin had been that night, it had remained a complete mystery for him till this day. He doesn`t remember precisely what it was but out of the bloom Guinevere had appeared by his side and taking his arm with her own, she opened his door and helped him made his way to the inside. The precise words eluded him to this day but the memory of her warm skin around his hand hasn`t wear off till today.

He remembered looking at her face and how her lips had curved around her cheeks forming a kind smile of compassion. She was beautiful at the moonlight –or so he thought it was what he should had been thinking at that moment- so he had done what could only be expected from any other man.

The kiss had been vague, feeling it with no real taste of thrill but he could not retreat once he had made his move, and she had stayed there by his side, she had kissed him back. He took her in his arms and laying here there in his bed, he had seen in her dark eyes and waited, waited for that magical aspect of expectation to rise within his inside but his chest felt as empty as the bottles of wine he had assaulted before. He tried to fight back the lack of feelings, leaning over her body and kissing her in the neck; he still remembers how her skin smell that night and how the scent seem to haunt him for weeks as a ghost of a bad dream. She had held his back with her arms, trying to hold into something that could feel alive and he kissed her in the lips one last time... but before he could stopped, it was too late: the tears on his eyes had started to fall from his face.

The shame he felt in that moment, he could not wished the same luck not even to his worst enemy. He pulled back from his position and sit by her side while she regained some composure of her own; they remained silent for a minute before she stood up and walked away. He remembers stating an apologize as a whisper to the wind while he watched her leave… and now that he is there once again, sitting alone with nothing but shame, now he can remember how the only words she said to him were: “ _It`s not your fault Arthur, it`s mine. It`s mine because I will never be him. Not for you, not for anyon_ e”

“ _Where were you that night_?” he asked with hatred in his voice “ _Why can you return already to me now_?” as the tears fall freely from his eyes once again.


	20. A triplet of ponderings

What would Merlin do? He always seems to find a solution to the most impossible problems and riddles, so Arthur cannot help but to question, what impossible solution he would find for this problem? But he is not even sure he is looking for a solution; in fact, he would content enough if he knew one next step further for him to take.

The night was a cold time for someone to stay alone and even when he had let the fire alive for most of the day, the trees seem to disappear around him inside the darkness and the thread of someone attracted to the heat and their lives seem more vivid as the time went by. What to do? The prince asked himself but the silence of the trees was the only response he got.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin was walking down a meadow, barefoot and with the rising and shining sun all over his pale cheeks.

This did not make any sense, he thought. Where is Arthur? was his first thought but there was no one in sight and therefore, no possible way to find an answer so he kept walking. Where was he going? He could not know for sure.

It seem he had been going around the same place for hours or at least, he felt he had been staring at the same picture of clear green grass and bright blue sky for an entire lifetime. He had not seen any kind of living soul, not even animals around; he had not heard any other sound except the one if his breathing. He doesn`t want to think about it but every seconds that passes it, everything feels more and more bizarre.

When by all accounts, it should already be night yet the sun has not stopped shining, he sees the first change in the picture: a small, wooden cottage with a live fire and smoke leaving into the air from a fireplace. He has never seen this home in his life before, yet he cannot help to feel it as if it was as comfortable as his own home back in Ealdor… or his chambers, back in Camelot.

He speeds up towards the entrance, feeling the drowning from his ever-lasting hours of endless wandering over his body out of the sudden but when he is as close to the door as if he could feel the carving of the dark wood with his fingers, this one opens up by itself and Merlin freezes in his place: the smile he had thought he would never see again is the first welcoming sign he encounteres... but the smile is not alone and the tall dark-haired knight –because for Merlin, he never stopped being one even after everything he had done- is waiting for him.

He doesn`t know who could be commanding his legs, or his hands –who could be the master of his body at that moment- because he doesn`t stop to ask for any reasons or to even considerer this another part of the ever-lasting dream: he only walked straight forward to the welcoming smile and sealed the greeting with a kiss.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It tasted as if it was a brand new feast: Merlin had never been kissed liked that before. He felt the magic surging through his veins and even though he was dreaming, he had never felt more alive and awake in his life. Who could have knew that the cure for a disease could be the kiss of a knight?

He moved his hands around the man`s hips, holding the belt where his sword hanged with the strongest of grips. He felt the second pair of hands over his shoulders as if the man was trying to seal the act with an embrace of their bodies. Oh, how he wished for this embrace to never end.

He let his fingers abandoned the other one`s hips and started to move around the rest of his body, as if it was his private property, as if it only could belonged to him. He felt the heavy attire of a proper knight –the heavy metal coat- and heard the sound of his boots clicking with the ground; Merlin realized how odd it seem for him that Lancelot would have chosen the same outfit he had wore on the day of that last battle. “ _Don`t you ever change clothes?_ ” he was about to ask with a care-free laugh but he did not had the opportunity for as the moment such thought rise inside his mind, the bubble exploded and he was left alone to face the truth. There could only be one reason for him to be wearing something like that, to be wearing the last clothes Merlin had seen him with: “ _You are not really here_ ” he said, breaking apart that –wonderful, exhilarating- kiss and pulling his face to a safe distance between the two but as he was saying this words out loud, he could see with desperation how the knight disappear from his place.

He only heard in the softest of whispers and in a very vaguely tone the words: " _Oh but I will be"_ before his smile dissapeared. And so, once again, Merlin was left alone by him.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot had to be honest with her: he did not had a plan with him, and as he explained how he ended up with her at that place in that exact moment, he could see without a shadow of a doubt that her heart sank back in his place with disappointment.

“ _Don`t worry about it_ ” he tried to add with a tone of voice where she could find comfort –or so he wished for-, “ _I will get you out of this, I promise_ ”.

Only when he left the window to return to his previous position his mind started to ramble on with possible options for the two of them and as he when back and for with the idea of assaulting the five men by himself or finding an entire battalion to fight alone side him, he realized like a pour of cold water over his head that of all the people who would have gone to rescue Gwen, _he_ would have been the first one… and the prince would have followed.

He did not want to ponder for too long about such possibility but he could not deny how much sense it made: after all, she was _his_ friend and _he_ was a loyal man. Saying that he would help a friend in danger was as obvious as saying he wished to be a knight but still, something felt strangely odd about it… if it made so much sense for Merlin –and yes, he thought his name at last- to come and try to rescue Gwen, where was he? He could not have misjudged the man so wrongly or so he wished for that to happen.

Gwen had told him she had been taken for two days and he knew –he wished to believe- that Merlin would have leave at once after hearing the news. He watched a map of the kingdom in his head; if he had leave from Camelot two days ago, he should be very near but there was no sign of him. Or the prince for all that matters. Something was wrong and even when he could not know what it was with precision he felt the hunch inside his heart with no shadow of a doubt.

“ _Something is wrong here_ ” he thought.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur had made up his mind; this could not go any further and he could not stay there next to Merlin, crossing his arms together waiting for a magical solution to arise. He was the prince of Camelot for god`s sake, he was born to become a King and he will be damned if he could not keep a single man alive on his own.

He tried the best he could to place Merlin in the back of his horse as he was scared of breaking into half the frail man; he put his body crossed to the horse`s back and tenderly as he could, fixed the messy hair that stand there alone as the sole proof he had spend the night sleeping in the floor. Besides, he had always liked Merlin with a cleaner look.

He picked up the rest of the small camp and tried not to think how Merlin should be doing this instead. He put inside the bag the bowl where he had drank his tea the morning before as quickly as he could so the images could not assault his head; he tried to fight back the pictures that rolled inside his mind: Merlin in the morning, shouting at him, drinking his tea without looking at him, Merlin smiling back in Camelot, Merlin falling to the ground… he shrug his head to make the memories disappear the best he could.

“ _Don`t worry Merlin, we are going back home_ ” he tells him while mounting his own horse and taking the lead from the other one. He should have felt happy about it or at least, relive for the prospect: there was no doubt that Gaius could help him in no time at all once they were back at the castle but of course… Arthur did not feel one inch more relieve in his heart. In fact, he only felt worse.

He knew he was letting not only Gwen at a side but also Morgana; he had made a promise to her to bring her friend back, to save her and now he was letting everything at a side for Merlin. Was he a terrible man? What was he asking himself? Of course he was! He was letting this sweet girl die because he did not know what else to do, because he did not consider her as important as Merlin was for him; he was letting so many people down with one action he actually started to feel sick with himself. How could he look at himself in the future knowing and acknowledging his actions?

“ _Merlin… it is all about Merlin_ ” he repeated to himself like a mantra. Maybe he could find a way to live with the guilt as long as Merlin was at his side and the only way to guarantee the existence of a future with him was taking him back to Camelot for help. Who was he kidding? He had already made up his mind about it: he was leaving, he was breaking his vow, he was letting a damsel in distress behind him, he was doing what was unworthy but if Merlin lived, he could find a way to live with it.

He left the place of the camp with a simple movement of his legs and as the horses started moving away from the place, he nodded himself as many times as he could as if he was convincing someone it was the right thing. “ _It is, it is, and it is_ ” he said. He was anxious to get back home as soon as he could not only for Merlin`s health but also because he felt the woods would be the place where his shame would rest; he felt that maybe, it all could stay behind him, buried deep inside and between the trees of that place, the harm dome would be inferior.

He tried to speed up the pace of the horses but still, remain weary if he was going too fast and Merlin could fell off of the settle so he summoned all the patience that he had to endure the very, _very_ slow way back home but when he saw it… oh how he wished he would have ran as fast as the wind and as far away from him. He had to control his legs from commanding the horses to speed up and did the best he could to hold back any expression in his face. When the man approached him and Arthur saw how his eyes wander off from him to Merlin behind him, he could feel an old pack of emotions rising inside his chest.

“ _Your grace_ ” the man said with a low vow from his side.

Arthur had had enough of self-control for one day and the anger he had fight so long to convey for himself saw an opportunity to get loose for a moment so he did not think about it, he did not control his movements or worried about what was right. Arthur simply got off his horse and walked straight forward to the former knight, placing a sweet –oh so sweet- punch in his handsome face.

“ _Sir Lancelot_ ” he said at last with a grin in his face.


	21. Honor, duty and magic

Arthur had dreamt about that moment for more than a year but when he finally got the chance to land his strong fist against Lancelot`s face, the moment felt bittersweet and he cursed Merlin for taking away the fun with his illness of a moment that should have been his crowning one: nobody hits the prince of Camelot in the head and walks away later.

Lancelot rose from the floor, holding his bruised cheek with his hand, moving his jaw checking if everything had stayed in his place; luckily for him, the prince had not used every bit of his strength in the action. He stood up in his place and stayed silent while the blonde man shook his hand relieving some pain from the impact; it wasn`t his place to say something about the prince`s actions and even so, when he had certainly deserved it. After all, if you hit a man you must be prepare to receive an answer… even if such response taked ages to actually happen.

When he saw it again, he walked from Arthur`s position to Merlin`s, as if his legs were responding to a different mind; the moment he had seen from a distance the pair of horses trailing back in the opposite direction of Gwen`s camp, he knew his suspicions had been right all along but when he got near enough to notice the details in the prince`s face, his heart started to pound inside his chest with nothing but a cold fear. Merlin was ill, he is ill… dear lord, he could have been dead at that moment.

So he let go a big sigh of relieve once he was by his side and could notice his chest going up and down; he was not death, he was just sleeping althought it did not seem as if he was taking a nap on top of a horse. “ _Merlin is ill but at least he is alive_ ”, he thought with sweet relief.

“ _What are you doing here_?” Arthur said after he checked if he had broke his hand and confirming he had not.

“ _Sire…_ ” the man started to said but he interrupted him with a slight sense of anger “ _Do not “Sire” me now, it`s no time for courtesy. I want to know what you are doing here_ ”

 “ _Well, I suspect for the same reasons you are here_ ” he added while his hands slipped for one brief second across the horse`s back and to Merlin`s one. Arthur, of course, noticed it and bitted his tongue to suppress the urge to make a second hit “ _But you are going the wrong way, Guinevere`s captors are east from here_ ”

Arthur stared at his feet, feeling the surge of shame accumulating inside of him once again. He knew at some point he will have to face his actions out loud, to actually say the words he despised; he look at his future self saying it -“ _I couldn`t save her_ ”-, he would have to speak to Morgana and look her in her green eyes so he could see as clear as the day her disappointment and rage… but he was not going to let _him_ to witness his lack of sense and duty.

“ _I know that_ ” the prince said conveying his most arrogant tone of voice, something that he felt was not as his usual self as it used to be “ _But as you can see, I`m not in a position to walk straight... into the… into the camp, of course! I have Merlin here_ ” he added with a false sense of superiority but at the second he had said his name out loud, he could notice how Lancelot`s attention shifted from him to his servant. He rolled his eyes inside his head –“ _I thought I was over with _ _this jealousy thing_ ” he thought angered at himself- and walked to the other side of Merlin`s horse so they could be both next to him.

“ _What happened to him_?” Lancelot asked, letting his sight travel through every one of Merlin`s features, searching for a sign of a wound or an infection but besides his unusual position, he was the face of fresh health… except perhaps for the bags below his eyes.

 “ _He is ill_ ” the prince said to him without taking his eyes from Merlin as well.

“ _What is it_?” he asked but he did not need magic to notice how the prince ignored the source of the illness. The man that once stand beside him as the soon-to-be-king of Camelot, the man who was the pure sight of power and strength, seem more like a frighten young man waiting for someone to bring a solution for his problems. If Arthur did not know what to do with Merlin, how could he venture himself upon a quest to rescue Gwen? It would be reckless and ac act of faith more than an actual quest…

“ _You are not going for Gwen, aren`t you_?” he said and felt the terrible realization that he had misjudged his own king.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin did not felt very well so he decided to search for a sit inside the cottage but oddly enough, the place had no furniture at all. In fact it was only one single room with one big window at his right side. Merlin was perplexed, there wasn`t even a fireplace inside. “ _What is this place_?” he murmured in a quiet tone.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Both men fell beside a tree without taking his eyes from the precious cargo on top of one of the horses, neither of them able to stare at each other’s and feeling more compelled to focus in that somebody else who could need them. Both of their minds ramble with no control, going through a staggering variety of options. Both men contemplate the possibility of leaving the other one behind and going on their own; in equal manner, Arthur thought he could stayed with Merlin while Lancelot leave to save Gwen and Lancelot thought the same... the truth was neither of them desire to leave the other alone with Merlin and in fact, at that exact moment, both have forgotten about Gwen`s situation.

“ _I came here because I knew you would have come as well_ ” Lancelot started to said but he did not knew if there was much for him to add at that moment. He simply felt the silence was intolerable to handle. He shook his head back and forth, trying to fight the sense of guilt that was starting to build inside of him.

“ _I can just leave him alone here and go for her_ ” Arthur added with a sad tone. He let go the act of the “arrogant prince”, there was no point in continuing with an act when the audience did not care for it or he did not care for the audience as well. “ _But I can leave her as well to die_ ”

“ _I thought if I find you, a plan would bring itself from the two of us... or three, actually_ ”

“ _I have a tendency to be a disappointment for some people_ ” the prince said.

“ _I did not mean to said that, sire_ ” Lancelot said. If felt even worse for him to know he had made the prince ashamed of himself, not matter if he deserved it or not “ _I could have never expected for Merlin to be ill_ ”

“ _I did not know neither_ ” Arthur quickly said; he did not know why but he felt the compulsion to defend himself and not let him think he had endangered Merlin`s safety from his side or do something harmful on purpose. “ _It simply happened_ ”

“ _There were no other signs_?” Lancelot asked and he could see how Arthur bitted his own lips, as if he was trying to withhold something important. “ _There were others_ …” he thought but he was unsure on how to react; if he had knew that Merlin was unwell before leaving and left anyway… but he reassured himself with the idea that Arthur could not have forced Merlin into leave for Gwen and more likely, it had been the other way. It was most likely this had been all Merlin`s fault.

“ _He wasn`t himself_ ” Arthur finally said, convinced there could be no further damage if he did not speak the entire truth. He even thought that if Lancelot knew the entire story, if he was aware of all the symptoms maybe he could know a solution… or at least, he could find an explanation “ _He was more hot-tempered, he wasn`t himself, he was shouting and when he spoke, he did not make much sense_ ”

Lancelot frown with the prince`s explanation, hearing his words and trying to come to a proper explanation himself. He revised the symptoms in his head, thinking that maybe there was an old illness he had faced before when he lived in his old village that could match with it: “ _hot-tempered, bad mood, rambling with no sense… lack of sleep?_ ”

“ _Was he sleeping normally_?” he asked remembering the bags under his eyes.

“ _I could not say it_ ” Arthur responded truthfully. How could he had been so self-centered and not noticed if Merlin had not been sleeping properly? Most likely, he had made a comment about it –joked about not being able to sleep like a normal person because he had too many obligations- and he simply ignored or did not even cared about it. “ _Why? Do you know what is wrong with him_?” he asked with a slight tone of hope in his voice but when he saw the man denied it, any small trace of hope sunk back into darkness.

“ _What now_?” he asked and Lancelot finally search for his gaze. Both men looked at each other and noticed the lack of ideas in between them but as well, both men knew at that moment that even when they did not had an actual plan to stay there, sitting next to a tree could not be the solution.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The man of the awful beard called for her name but she did not answer as she was too preoccupied looking outside her small window for any sign of Lancelot. She tried to fight back the tears that climbed to appear from her eyes when she finally assumed he was gone but she did not feel very strong to do so.

She felt someone turning her around to the other side with one movement and slapped her in the face to wake her from her drowsiness but it did not hurt her. She felt numb and empty and could only noticed how the action had made the tears fall from her eyes with full liberty.

While she was being conducted to another room, feeling the edge of a small dagger in her back, she repeated in her head Lancelot`s words of hope: “ _Good morning princess, I`m here to rescue you_ ” and how she had believed him but now, it was all pointless. He was gone, he had lied and there was no one to save her.

She had always defend herself in the past, not letting anyone to tell her she could not do something because she was either a servant, a peasant or a girl. Her father had trained her when she was younger, he told her the best way to hold a sword and how to defend herself with a shield, his father had taught her how to fight back and how to use the same weapons all knights fought with… but she had no weapons there and felt her entire strength leaving her body. She was nothing but a false-princess in a purple dress.

“ _This one is broken_ ” she heard the man said to another but she did not bother to try to differentiate their faces. What difference could be between this or that bearded men? She was shoved inside another cell, or so she thought it was but being honest, she wasn`t present in the moment. Maybe the man was right after all, maybe she was indeed broken… like an old rag that no one cared for, a piece of cloth that everyone had forgotten.

She did not pay much attention when she should have but when the moment came she finally woke up and it was all too late. She had not been put back into another cell for her to rot inside… it was a cage, the same one where her previous jailer had been thrown the day before, where she had heard the agonizing shouts of a desperate man and the howling screams of a distant beast. And now she was inside.

She was petrified with fear but she did her best to hold a grip to the bars even when the rotten wood and wires made her fingers bleed. She could hear the sound of a gate rising behind her and the distinctive sound of an animal breathing with rage; she could even smell the beast`s food, that terrible scent that it was old discarded meat and did her best to not think too much about such meat. When she heard how the gates had been lifted completely, she panicked as anyone should and started to scream. She wasn`t even thinking about it, she only cared to live, to survive so she screamed and started to yell for someone to come for her... but when she understood nobody was going to, she changed her tactic. With one second she forgot about Lancelot coming for her, she forgot about Morgana leaving her, she forgot about Arthur ignoring her and even, she forgot about Merlin hating her…

“ _Please! I can be of service! I can! I swear to you I can_!” she screamed with tears of terror falling freely over her cheeks. It was only after a couple of seconds for all to be over with and she was almost prepared to feel the claws of the beast over her body but she only heard the gates coming their way down one more time. She thought at first she was already death and the gods have been merciful with her to spare her from feeling pain but when she heard the cage been opened and a man turning her to his side, holding her face with his own hands, she knew she was still alive.

“ _What do you know_?”

“ _Secrets…_ ” she said trying to recover her breath again “ _I know secrets... I know how to get into the castle for example_ ”

When the man finally smiled at her, showing his brown teeth over his beard, Guinevere knew that if no man was coming for her, she would be the one to save her.


	22. Black and bitter kiss

Merlin wasn`t entirely certain when or why he had come to such decision but he was running around the meadow that once seem so peaceful for him. Something inside simply spoke to him and told him: “ _Run, leave this place now_ ” and he wasn`t the type of person to discard such obvious warning, especially taking in consideration the previous events.

Lancelot`s appearance had been like a bucket filled with ice cold water where he had been thrown at with no mercy.

_This was a dream and he was caught in it._

Normally for him it had only take that brief self realization that the place around him was not real to wake up from it and be back at what he considered his safe place back in Camelot but now, now there he was knowing so well this was a dream and yet he remained there. It simply wasn`t amusing anymore, he had had enough and was ready to leave this place… but since he wasn`t entirely sure where this place was exactly and in all fair sense, every place must have a start, he thought it would be faster for him to find an exit if he speed up his pace. And so he did.

But he soon found himself not only tired with the effort but frustrated with the lack of results and as the seconds went by and he insisted on running, it seem for him that the landscape was starting to change. The grass did not seem as green as before and the sky seem darker than he remember. It was as if the night had decided to come all of the sudden to this place and Merlin could do nothing about it.

He was sweating all over his body and the sky seemed even darker than before; he was tired and even worst, he was irrevocably but lost. He could not see the cottage anymore and the meadow seem to expand everywhere; anywhere where Merlin laid his eyes, all he could see was grass. _What to do?_ He asked himself but the only answer he got was the urge of his body to continue to run… and so he did.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

When his run finally came to an end, it had not been because he decided to do it no more but because he had fell on his feet down a hill and beside the stream of a river.

When he recovered from the fall and made an account he was still in one piece, he looked around the change of setting: the meadow was definitely gone and the texture of the grass was completely different. There was a string –a very vague one- by his left and Merlin could have started to cry from the emotion of hearing a sound that wasn`t his own breathing; he crawl next to the water, thirsty and desperate for something to drink and thought that if the string had been bigger, he would have had no problem with taking a full-body bath. Just when he was about to drink it with joy, he heard a distant voice from behind him whispering: “ _Run_ ” but he decided he had had enough of it.

In fact, he had had enough of many things in such shor time but he simply did not wanted to run anymore, he wanted to rest… actually, he wanted to wake up but he would take what he could get. And he had found water, he wasn`t willing to let pass such opportunity even if the sensation of the fluid was nothing but fiction.

He only took one sip before realizing he should have run when he had been told. The water was, to his great shock, bitter and tasted it how a beast smelled like. He felt instantly sick with the sensation in his mouth and started to gag as a reflex to get it out of his system. He felt the bitterness of the drink all around the insides of his body, as if it was replacing the magic that usually surge through his veins. Merlin felt even more desperate than before and started to take his clothes off in an act of despair. He felt dirty and filled with something rotten; he wished he could take his own skin off himself to let the rottenness out of his system but all he could do was to walk away, half naked, as far away as he could from the water.

“ _Make it stop! Make it stop_!” he started to shout but no one was around to hear him.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

They decided to go for Gwen even if Merlin`s safety was at stake. Neither of them was happy with the decision but both of them thought it was only logical to keep his own words of loyalty –Arthur to Morgana and Lancelot to Gwen herself-; they both decided that it had to be worth the risk they were taking. Besides, if Lancelot was correct the camp where she was being held prisoner was only a four hour long ride from where Arthur had been camping. _Maybe_ , thought Arthur, _maybe it we are fast at this we will be back at Camelot tomorrow morning_ ; he ignored the fact that it was a two day ride from both places and kept on leading his horse while Lancelot did the same with Merlin`s one.

It had been an unconscious decision to let him take the lead of Merlin`s horse but he did not see any other way to express his anger without revealing too much about his own feelings. So when the knight get up from the ground and walked towards it, Arthur looked at the sun as if he had seen something rather more interesting than that.

“ _Just a four hour walk_ ” Lancelot thought while listening Merlin`s heavy breaths behind him. “ _Just four hours and everything would be done with it_ ” he added. Perhaps Arthur wasn`t the battalion he had hoped for to fight the five men but it was more than him and he was still the most skillful swordsmen in Camelot. He had faced worst scenarios before, he remembered and decided to not worry about it. But of course it would have been far too easy for those four hours to have passed without a problem because as soon as they have passed over the river where he had drank his waters the morning before –meaning they were half-way through the quest- Merlin had started to shake so uncontrollably he thought for a second he was going to break into a million different pieces.

“ _Sire…_ ” he started to said but there was no need as Arthur had appeared as fast as an eagle next to him and had taken the rein from his hand. “ _Help me take him off the horse_ ” the prince said and so did he obey to his words. Once Merlin was off, he could see with his own eyes how the area around his lips –oh those beautiful and sweet lips- had started to go dark as the night.

He was still shaking, all of his limbs moving with no sense in the floor and he was petrified with fear. Arthur had never seen this before, had never actually witnessed the terrible consequences of a real disease and felt the same way he had felt before, when he was nothing but a small child and his father had taken to witness his first execution. The same sensation of guilt and disgust inside of him came back to life with the sight of Merlin – _his Merlin_ \- losing a fight with an invisible enemy.

“ _Merlin_!” he started to yell not really knowing what was he doing and with no concern anymore to guard any appearances for Lancelot. He held his shoulders with his own hands and started to move him as if he was trying to wake him from a terrible nightmare. “ _Merlin_!” he kept yelling at him but nothing happened.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It was finally a kissed that made everything come to an end for him.

He had fallen back to his own feet and held his legs next to his chest, in a crawling position that reminded him of when he had been younger with his mother. He still felt the same terrible taste in his mouth and inside of him as well as he felt the entire world around him going on circles but the kiss had stopped it all. It had been a magical kiss for him.

He had opened his eyes and saw Arthur standing in front of him, with that big arrogant grin in his face he had learnt to love. He knew better after his encounter with Lancelot not to trust on the visions this dream showed him but for a second –just for one second- he let passed the fact that everything was fake, that he had felt like dying just moments ago and relished on the beautiful sight that it was the face of his prince.

But the moment was soon over and he remembered everything: where he was and what had happened to him. He had no business trusting this vision of Arthur and he wasn`t willing to let his guard down, no matter how dreamy the man could look. He pushed the man to a side, picked up his scattered clothes and started to run once again. This time, he crossed the river trying to ignore the memories of the water and the presence of the prince behind him; when he was far enough, he looked to his back and was startled with the fact that Arthur still remained where he had left him.

Maybe he wasn`t another construction of his nightmarish world, maybe he was as real as he was. He took a step back to where he had left but as soon as he did it, he saw how something changed in Arthur`s position: it wasn`t how a man stands to greet a friend, not even how someone will stood there waiting for the person he had kissed but more likely, it was the position Arthur used right before he was ready to attacked an enemy. Merlin knew this very well; he had seen the prince in action many times before and as soon as he understood what it all meant, he turned his back and started to run one more time. Only this time, he wasn`t brave enough to looked behind him, scared as he was of what he could see.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

When Merlin stopped breathing, Arthur stopped himself. “ _Oh god no_ ” he thought, “ _he is dead, oh god, Merlin is dead_ ” He did not know what else to do; he was left there petrified in his position without any idea left. While he stood there with his mind fully blank, he never noticed how the knight took off his belt from his hips and kneeled more properly next to his body.

He only noticed how he sealed everything with a black-painted kiss that for him look covered with bitterness.

As Merlin finally opened his eyes with one huge breath of relief, all that Arthur could think of was the fact that it had been Lancelot`s kiss the one that had brought him back to this world and not his.


	23. Queens have no need of knights

Gwen was sitting in front of the man that once held her captive in a position that place her as her equal... or at least, as somebody who was no longer being held captive. Or so she wished to believe.

“ _Why should I believe you_?” the man asked her with a wary gaze, leaning forward from his own position and close to her face.

She took a big breath before speaking mainly because the man smell like a dead animal from the old ages but also because she need it to hold to any ounce left of courage inside her chest.

“ _Because you will lose more by not trusting me_ ” she replied holding the man`s gaze with her own, trying not to blink or let the hesitation to come too apparent in her tone because if she ought to be honest, she had absolutely no idea of what she was doing or whether her words would be successful.

She did not realize at that moment but she was doing her best to sound like Arthur sounded when he was trying to be the menacing and strong heir to the throne he need it to be and once she noticed the resemblance, she though “ _If Arthur is capable of doing this then so am I_ ”

“ _You sound very confident for a woman who was covered in her own tears just moments ago_ ” he said defiently.

“ _If I was crying, it was only because I value my life_ ” she replied pulling her face further away from the face of the bearded man; she tried her best to control her posture and body, to look as regal as possible but her hands were shakings with uncertainty “ _More than enough reason for you to trust me_ ” and to her relief, the man smiled and leaned back to his own sit.

“ _T o be a simple maid, y_ _ou do know how to choose your words_ ” he said with a cold grin in his lips. She ignored once again the nearest-to-black teeth inside that mouth and stared him deep in his eyes. 

This time, the words came more easily than she had expected: “ _I`m not a simple maid, remember?_ ”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The men gave her a simple sword for her to carry back to the castle, a new cape and a small piece of dry breath for her to eat. She fought back the smile that was threatening to appear in her face with the realization of how they were treating her like royalty now they knew she was common born.

Another man gave her a pair of gloves to cover her hands for the cold of the morning and night to come while other show her -although very briefly- a map of the nearest path so she would not get lost. They remind her how useless would be for everybody if she took the wrong turn at some point and fall to her death. She bitted her lips with those comments.

To tell her to stay alive in her current position was truly unnecessary.

When she felt the heat of the sun over her face for the first time in what seem an eternity, the parade of five men were still standing behind her, holding to the chains that clung her wrists. She needed to be very careful at this moment, not to let any emotions passed her posture, not to let the excitement of near freedom to get the best of her.

Before she could take a step forward, one of the men –the one holding the nearest link of the chains- remind her with cruelty how they were still her captors and how she was not free yet. The man pulled the chains with one strong movement that made her lose her balance and fell to her feet; while she tried to take back her belongings from the dirt -staring at the breath now more uneatable than before- she heard the laughter from the other men who were now surrounding her with their sour presences.

“ _Do not forget it, if you even think of betraying us, you are going to stay down in the ground forever_ ” the bearded man said to her, spitting right next to her face while she still remained on the ground.

It was nothing but a cruel reminder of how meaningless she actually was.

But she wasn`t going to let them see how terrified she actually was, so she stood up in the most dignified way she could find and while cleaning her dress, she searched for the eyes of the leader and said to him: “ _I will not_ ”.

After they had opened the manacles from her wrists and kicked her out of their sight with a strong and unique hit in the back, she wondered whether they had seen the lie in her eyes or not.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It only took her a few minutes after she lost sight of the cabin where she had spent two nights –or has been three? She was unsure about the details- as a prisoner to realize she had absolutely no idea of where she was. She stumble upon rocks and tree branches, trying to bring back to her mind the map they had shown her but she was not very skillful at map interpretation and possibly, it would had take a master of the art to understand properly the rough lines and scribbles in the piece of old paper the men possessed.

She tried to remembered her father`s words about orientation in the woods but to her, the position of the sun meant nothing and the orientation of the musk in the bark of trees seem as strange as explaining why the wind blow from time to time.

She tried not to feel too desperate about it but she could not deny what was so evident: _she was lost_.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

She tried to follow the straight line the men had told her to follow but with every step she took, she could not help to think that she was taking the wrong one, as if she was going further from the place she should be going to. It was such a strong notion, as if an idea had been branded inside her mind, she had to take every so often a couple of seconds to refrain herself and think again the reason of her decisions.

Was she truly going on the right direction or had she been set up by her captors to die, to face something far more terrible in the wildness of the forest? Was this the meaning of her hunch or was there something else hidden in it?

She remembered the words, " _Follow these lines and you will find your way back to Camelot and once you are back, send for us or we will find you none the less_ ".

If that had been a bluff, then they had been far to believable for Gwen to took any chances and risk her life betraying them; she only hope that once she had returned, she would not longer be alone to face the terrible deal she had signed with her life. 

She started to walk once again but there it was... that feeling of wrongness inside of her. If it was a gut feeling, it was by far the most powerful she had ever felt in her life. Something inside her was telling her to stop walking, to stare at her feet and realized she was going on the wrong way.

She felt scared with the certainty of her own uncertainty and cursed her for what she was about to do, but it was a sentiment she could not easily ignore, at least not anymore.

So she took a step aside and started to walk following a path she did not know where it would lead her.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It was only half an hour later she understood the meaning of her owns feelings –although she could not know the actual reason behind them- as she step inside a scene both peculiar and terrifying... but she did not had the time to react or to think about what she was actually watching, if it was real or a fantasy.

All that Guinevere could say –or rather, scream- at that moment was “ _Merlin_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the obvious plot twist... but i need to get this four together at some point!


	24. The sickness of Black Magic - Part one

They were so confused with the situation, it simply seem the most logical response to remain silent at the apparition so once Gwen was closer to the three men that remain standing there doing nothing –one of them in fact, unconscious on the floor- she felt slightly worried with the two pair of eyes that seem to leave their own orbits.

“ _What is wrong with Merlin_?” she asked but all she got was silent.

She touched his forehead, it was burning hot but the rest of his body seemed frozen in comparison: it did not make any sense and yet, it wasn`t the worst part of all. The blacken area around his lips was simply too terrifying to see, the dark purple veins growing around his jaw and the tip of his nose resemble to the colors of a corpse so vividly that Gwen could not look at it for too long. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

“ _Guinevere…_ ” was the first thing Arthur could said but there wasn`t very much he could add to it. He did not know what was wrong with Merlin and could not made sense on Guinevere`s presence except to clarify the fact that she was no longer captive. He looked at Lancelot even though he wished not to, searching for an answer to her question or at least, a clue to what they could say but he seemed as perplexed as he was.

“ _Arthur… your grace_ ” she corrected. “ _I need your help to place him in a better position_ ” she said while picking up Merlin`s frail head “ _and... I will need for you... Lancelot... to go and fetch some water to clean him, he is cover in his own sweat_ ”.

While Lancelot searched for Merlin`s canteen in the back of his horse, he tried to not look at Guinevere`s direction but still he could sense the movements around him and the horse: Arthur picking the skinny and sick body of his servant and Guinevere guiding him to the closest shadow under a big tree. She had been captive for two days, she had found her way out and now here she was, helping to those in need. She was indeed too good for anybody in this land.

He took the canteen without looking at it properly so when the wooden sound hit the dirt near his feet, he jumped slightly surprised and he realized how on edge his nerves were. He picked up the wooden bowl and stare at it: it was still dirty, with some old leaves inside and smelled like an old-time forgotten drink.

“ _Are you going to bring the water now or later_?” he heard distinguishing by now the voice of the prince; he would have felt appalled if he had heard such harsh words coming from his mouth before but after everything they had dealt with, he did not hesitate with his response: “ _I`m coming_ ”

He noticed how nervous Gwen looked when he gave her the canteen, her hand shaking slightly while she soaked a cloth and scrubbed Merlin`s forehead. Perhaps she seemed anxious because he had yelled at the prince himself –that would make any other commoner to cringe at, he thought-. He did not wished to considerer even for one second the idea that maybe she was nervous because of Merlin`s bad prospects.

He did not want to ponder on the possibility of losing him… even when, in fact, he wasn`t his at all.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

To summarize everything that had happened, all he could determine was that first of all, he was dreaming and in second of all, it wasn`t a friendly dream.

So, what was next for him? Well, Merlin could be many things in life: he could be too frail or even too clumsy, maybe he could talk a little bit too much out of order and he could get distracted rather easily but still –and he felt the compulsion of saying so out loud: “ _S_ _till_!”- he was a sorcerer, and a powerful one in fact. Or so he thought.

So at the end of it, it was up to him to find a solution to his problem because he reminded him once again how lonely he actually was.

Of course, it would have been impossible for him to know how mistaken that sentence was in fact.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The three had seated in silence, surrounding Merlin`s body. Arthur had offered Guinevere for a piece of bread which she declined. Lancelot stared at his feet for what it seemed like an eternity and Gwen longed for the prospect of taking a bath. It was an awkward picture in fact and one that could no longer continue: they had to do something; they need it to have the discussion.

“ _Forgive me Guinevere_ ” Lancelot said and he could hear the silent groan coming from Arthur`s mouth –“ _How noble are you, don`t you_?” the prince was thinking at that moment- “ _I gave you my word and I failed you_ ” he continued. He was doing what was right for him to do; he was doing once again the noble deed without questioning it and yet, he could not take away his sight from his worn out boots.

“ _There was no harm done_ ” she said but he did not believe her. And neither did Arthur.

“ _If you most know, Guinevere, I was going… I mean, we were going after you before Merlin got ill_ ” the prince said, as if he was competing against Lancelot to prove who was better at admitting a fault, an occupation Arthur truly disliked but it came to be necessary at the moment.

“ _I`m sure your grace meant well by it_ ” she said with all the politeness available in the world but Arthur thought he had heard a cold tone in her voice. Perhaps he was paranoid or perhaps, he had no right for Guinevere`s kindness anymore. Remembering the incident at the party, he agreed with sadness that it was most likely to be the last option for him.

“ _And I cannot thank you enough for your concern_ ”

“ _But I failed you_ ” Arthur said with the bitterness inside his throat.

“ _We both did_ ” Lancelot added and at last, both men raised their eyes to meet hers. She had a small tear appearing on the brink of her eye but at least, she was brave enough to face their faces at once. She smiled for one second and then, she got up and started to walk away.

“ _Where are you going_?” Lancelot asked.

“ _I just need a moment on my own_ ” she said without looking back at them.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin was crawled inside a cave, with no light and absolutely no idea of where he was supposed to be. Of course he understood this was all but a dream but none the less, the place where he had been cursed was beyond his reach and understanding; he did not know where he was standing at all and he still felt frightened with the prospect of meeting again the reflections from his past.

He was unsure whether he could be able to resist a second encounter with Arthur or Lancelot and was not prepare to prove it.

So now, there he was inside a dark cave shivering with cold and a strange sensation inside his mouth as if he had eaten something sweet and sour at the same time, trying to remember every possible spell he had uttered in his life. He knew deep down that the answer for his predicament was within magic, the problem was, he did not know if he possessed the magic with him.

The sky outside his shelter seemed so dark as a night with no moon or stars and the warlock had never felt more lonely in his short life time; he simple longed for a companion, a voice that could soothe him in this times or a simple conversation. Anything.

He remembered his last words to Arthur, the rage in his voice and the exasperation with his own situation. If only Gwen had not been capture, he could be spending the night in his own bed, next to the prince or more like, next to home.

When he could not found a spell that would bring sense to everything, the thought of him spending the rest of his days trapped in a dream-like place completely alone started to rise inside his mind and without restrain, Merlin started to sob in a deep murmur of his voice.

So long Camelot, so long Arthur…

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Gwen was sitting far enough for not been seen by neither Lancelot or the Prince yet close enough to hear the sizzle of the fire they had made together when the night started to fall upon them. She tried to forget everything that had happened in the last days: Morgana and her speech on how tired she was with life at court, the screams of agony of a man being devoured alive by a beast, the bearded man and his breath in her hands, Lancelot appearing like a dashing knight to save her, Merlin on the ground losing the battle for his own life… she tried to forget all of this and simply remember who she was and how ordinary her life was meant to be. She was Guinevere, common-borne and a maid of Camelot and nothing more.

Just when the last of her tears reached the edge of her chin, she heard the distant sobbing of another person… she knew it could not be a dream or illusion, her instincts told her otherwise, and she get up as fast as she could searching for the source of this ethereal sadness.

“ _It can`t be_ ” she thought, “ _it`s impossible_ ” she said and with terror inside her voice she asked in a quiet murmur: “ _Merlin_?”.

The wind blew carrying inside one small and shy word back: “ _Gwen_?”


	25. The sickness of Black Magic - Part two

“ _It can`t be_ ” Arthur said and a genuine tone of terror lived inside his voice; he felt once again like a small child, tiny and defenseless in front of death.

He had started to make his mind up with the idea of loosing Merlin, trying to convince his heart to let him go as fast as possible so the pain would be less but now, now this was too much. “ _How can you have spoken with Merlin_?” he asked after Guinevere had come back to their camp with an expression filled with both terror and happiness.

“ _I don`t know how or why but at least we know he is somewhere_ ” she replied kneeling next to Merlin`s pale body on the floor and holding one of his hands with her own.

“ _And where did this somewhere would be_?” Lancelot asked.

“ _We will have to ask him_ ” she said.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

At first, he had thought it was another bad trick from his sickening mind that had decided this time to bring him Gwen instead of Lancelot or Arthur just to fuel the sense of guilt that was already eating him alive. But when the voice that seemed to appear out of nowhere and yet very close to him replied to his question, he started to considerer that maybe and just maybe, this was real.

“ _I don`t know where I am_ ” he replied to her question and in just that second, after listening to his own words he realized with stupor that he did not know as well where Gwen was. Wasn’t she imprisoned? Weren’t he and Arthur on his way to rescue her? Perhaps he had missed a thing or two while being in this perpetual sleep.

“ _Where are you? Are you alone_?” he asked her and he wished for her to say no.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He could hear Guinevere asking but he could not hear any answer in return.

Had she lost her mind after being captive for so long? He asked himself with a slight sense of dread.

“ _No I`m not alone, Arthur… I mean, the prince and Lancelot are here with me_ ” she said. 

“ _Oh Guinevere, I think you could save valuable time if you just call me Arthur_ ” he said. She looked at him as if he had said the most ridicule thing in the world and he hold her gaze as if he was trying to make her remember the night of the feast with his eyes, as if he was trying to tell her “ _We are far past the point of formalities_ ”.

He wasn`t sure whether she understood him because she quickly looked back at Merlin`s face and frown with a worried face.

“ _The prince… I mean, Arthur, just spoke_ ” she said and the expression in her face became even more serious than before. “ _Can you not hear him_?” she asked and Arthur realized the question was directed to him.

“ _I haven`t heard a word from him_ ”

“ _Me neither_ ” Lancelot added standing next to Arthur with his arms crossed over his chest and an equal serious face. The beating of Arthur`s heart seem so strong he feared the knight could listen it; “What does this means?” He asked himself, “Why couldn’t he hear Merlin as Guinevere did? And couldn`t Merlin hear him as well?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

For what Gwen was telling him, apparently his words were pure silence for the rest of the camp.

At first he chocked a little inside his throat after hearing that Lancelot was there but decided he need it to readjust his priorities if that was the most important piece of information he had received from her.

Now what? He asked out loud but Gwen had no reply for him.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _I don’t understand why you can hear him but us don`t_ ” Arthur said as he started to pace in circles around Merlin and Guinevere crouched on the floor. Of course there were many things he didn’t understand at the moment, but the idea of Merlin being out of his reach was the one that caused him more grief. Perhaps he needed it to reorganize his priorities.

“ _There must be a detail we are missing out_ ” Lancelot said approaching Guinevere`s side and placing a hand on her shoulder. She did not look at him in response, maintaining a concentrated face upon Merlin`s one. Arthur imagined Merlin probably rambling about something at that exact moment and envied the possibility of Guinevere getting lost trying to follow every train of thought in his servant`s mind.

“ _What could it be_?” he asked with anxiety in his voice.

He just wanted to hear Merlin`s voice for one second, to hear at least one small word –he would even be happy if he could hear him complaining about over-working- or at least to have a single proof that he was somewhere and that none of this was a part of Guinevere`s mind.

Perhaps it was Guinevere over all presence next to his body that had triggered some sort of portal between the sick man and the maid. What was so special about her that set her apart?

“ _You are not thirsty are you_?” she asked and he gave her a half-smile she did not see. What would be the point of Merlin being thirsty right now? It is not like they could just give him water wherever he was at the moment.

He saw Guinevere holding the wooden bowl in her hands while she tried to pour some water on it and suddenly something clicked inside of him.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin smiled with Gwen`s kind offer.

It was impossible for her to help him with a thirst he did not know if he had but he appreciated as always her concern. He was about to replied when a voice he could never forget stumble upon the silence of the cave.

“ _Merlin, can you hear me_?” he heard and his heart stopped for a second. Of course he could hear him but as he wasn’t expecting it and he had made up his mind to never listen to his voice again, a small gather of tears started to rise from his eyes.

“ _Arthur_?” he asked, scared that it may be another illusion, another false fantasy.

“ _Who else would it be you idiot_?” and the words seemed so sweet in his heart, the tears simply fell down through his face with a smile. “ _I`m going to get you out of this_ ” he said and for the first in time in what it seem forever, Merlin felt hopeful for his future.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Arthur never thought he was going to listen Merlin`s voice again and was thankful that tossing Guinevere aside and grabbing the bowl from her shaking hands had been rewarding but he reminded him quickly how rude that had been so he picked her up from the ground, apologizing for his behavior.

She cleaned her dress and said without changing her facial expression “ _I understand_ ” and Arthur hopped Lancelot didn’t hear that.

“ _Can you listen Merlin_?” the knight asked and he smiled at him like a child that has won a price to another kid. He smiled at him as if he was saying: “ _Yes and you can`t_ ”, hoping he had let jealousy grow inside the man`s heart but as he smiled back at him, he wished he could just kick him in the face… that handsome and noble face of his.

“ _So, is the bowl that allows us to communicate with him_?” he asked and as Arthur stared at it in his hands, he felt the sudden urge to hide it away from the world or at least, from Lancelot`s reach.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The next time a voice appeared it had been Gwen`s because apparently and as she told him, there had been some sort of struggle between whose turn was to speak to him. The simple thought of Lancelot and Arthur fighting over to chat him up made Merlin blushed and was certain that if the cave where he was hadn’t been so dark he could have lighten up the place with the redness of his cheeks.

“ _I still don’t understand Merlin, what is so special about a bowl_?” she told him and he nodded with her even though she could not see it.

It made no sense at all, a bowl? A wooden bowl where he had last served some tea? If that was the source of his magical powers, he may as well just stay inside the cave and never to leave it out of embarrassment.

“ _I don`t know why neither_ ” he said and he was being honest. He did not know what was wrong with him and he did not know why the only improvement in his predicament was a kitchen`s utensil… but then, suddenly, a question he should have made before appeared in his head. “ _Gwen…_ ” he said in a soft whisper he knew she could hear none the less.

“ _What is it_?” she asked.

“ _How did you escape_?”

“ _It doesn’t matter now_ ” she said but he didn’t believe a single word. “ _Of course it matters_ ” he said with stubbornness. “ _No it doesn’t and if it did, I would not like to talk about it_ ” she said.

“ _Is it because they are listening_?” he asked.

“ _No_ ” she said after remaining silent for almost half a minute “ _It`s because you don’t really care_ ”.

“ _I do care_!” he said defensively “ _I do care about you, you are my friend_ ”

“ _Am I? Truly Merlin, am I truly your friend_?”

His mind was left blanked. He remembered his relationship with Gwen in the past; she had been his first friend, the first smile he had seen on his first day at Camelot. They always got alone before, they had been the closest friends since the start and yet, something had changed between them. Of course, it did not take too much of an intellect to understand the cause, to understand the source. To understand the man responsible… or perhaps it had been two of them.

“ _Gwen… I_ ” he started to say but the sentence never came to an end.

“ _Merlin!_ ”

“ _Lancelot_?” he asked astonished. He wasn’t ready to listen to the man`s voice, not when he was concentrated on something else. “ _What is it? How are you? Where do you live_?” he started to ramble with no sense and he nipped his tongue to silence himself even though there was no need.

“ _Sorry Merlin, I would love to discuss everything about my life but we have a small problem here_ ”

“ _What is it_?”

“ _Bandits…_ ” he said as if he was trying to catch his breath. “ _Lots of them_ ”


	26. The sickness of Black Magic - Part three

Merlin was heavier than he looked like and Arthur realized it not in the manners he had dreamt of in the past.

He carried the boy`s body crossing over his shoulders, feeling a slight hint of the presence of his lips and chin near his left ear; it was a terrible intimate moment as well as it was terribly inconvenient to feel so much pleasure at the slightest of touches.

He need it to focus on the moment and not in the weight of Merlin`s bum over his right shoulder and in this particular case, the moment was surviving… or at least, making it to nearest hiding place alive.

He looked to his left, trying to avoid the touch of Merlin`s face with his own cheek and searched for a sign of Lancelot or Guinevere running next to him but he saw no one. In a normal day, the chance of being left alone with Merlin would have been extremely pleasant but not when one is being chased by a hoard of bandits that had simply appeared out of nothing and charged against them. He may be already used to being attacked by strangers before in his life –being heir to the throne of Camelot came with some difficulties- but at least, most of the times he was certain or at least, he had an idea of why he was being attacked.

This run for his life was plainly gratuitous.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Lancelot was holding to the wooden bowl as if his life depended on it, which was in fact not true since his life dependent more on the skills of his legs to move faster than the legs of a hoard of bandits that has lashed over them.

He had been watching Gwen talking with Merlin in the quietest of tones, watching her expressions changed from concerned to upset and the itch of curiosity started to bitted him in the back of his head. He didn’t want to come closer and let her notice that he was trying to eavesdrop but he wished to know what was going on between the two. Besides, he wanted to speak with Merlin himself because and even when he did not want to admit it, he had felt slightly jealous with the fact that Arthur had talked with him and he didn’t.

After all, didn’t he had more right to approach him given the fact that he had actually kissed the man? Unless of course, Arthur had had the privilege as well.

“ _No_ ” he said to himself, “ _No, it can`t be. **He** wouldn’t._ ”

He wasn’t entirely certain who the “ _He_ ” was in that sentence but he knew he didn’t want to found it or think too much about it.

None the less, he didn’t even have the time to ponder about it because from one minute to another, they found themselves surrounded by almost ten armed and grubby men charging and screaming against them with spears and axes. He didn’t got much time to think about a strategy and neither did Arthur. He saw the prince running towards Merlin and Guinevere`s position, placing the man on his shoulders and sprinting away as fast as he could. He ran next to Gwen who was already leaving him behind, grabbing her hands with more strength that he wished to demonstrate to her and took the bowl from her grip. He held her right hand and went deep inside the darkness of the woods, listening to the wrathful screams behind him.

He lost sight of Arthur –and also Merlin- almost immediately after he got inside the deeper part of the woods and Gwen was running next to him but not holding his hand anymore. Strangely, she did not seem scared or disturbed but instead maintained a very serious expression while zigzagging through the trees.

It was as if she wasn’t even surprised with the sudden apparition; in fact, she looked even more determined than himself felt at that moment.

Lancelot wasn’t thinking about a strategy, he wasn’t even considering an escape route or where could they found a place to hide. Oddly enough, he never gave much thought about the idea of facing those foul men with his own sword. He was moving out of pure instinct and in fact, he was just following the trail that Gwen marked with her footprints on the soil. He wasn’t concentrated on the immediate threat; it was as if his “knight-mode” was off from himself and it was all of Merlin`s fault…

Because his simple and ignorant questions were all that filled Lancelot`s mind at the moment. God, how he had missed him!

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Since Lancelot wasn’t being too explicit about what was going on and he couldn’t just stay sitting in a cave for much longer knowing they could be in serious danger, Merlin set his mind to find an actual answer to his troubles.

He knew that if he had been awake at the moment of the attack, Arthur and the rest`s chances of surviving would be greater. If a couple of the so called “bandits” would have fallen of their backs mysteriously by his magic, perhaps they would had had a better opportunity at facing them instead of simply running away. Merlin knew how much both Arthur and Lancelot hated the idea of running away from a confrontation but at the same time, he felt relief with the notion that they were strong enough to remain alive without him.

Just in that second, Merlin considerer the fact of his unconscious body inside the picture of the three of them ran through the woods. Oh god, he asked himself, what if they just left me there in the ground? What if I was stumble upon by a pair of dirty and massive feet? What if they got me as a bounty treasure? What would they do with my body? Maybe they were doing something right at the moment...

Like a madman, Merlin started to palpate his body, not quite sure of what could he be looking for: perhaps, a simple signal that his physical form was still intact or at least as whole. But he felt nothing.

“ _Lancelot, where am I_?” he asked not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

“ _I… don’t… know…_ ” the knight replied and Merlin could hear him trying to breathe and speak at the same moment.

“ _You don’t know where I am_?” he asked almost as if he was screaming “ _Where did you left my body_?” Oh god, he knew this would be the day to be left behind so a hoard of bandits could use him as their own personal doll.

“ _Oh_!” Lancelot said and Merlin knew he had heard a small laugh from the man, “ _That_!”

“ _Yes that_!” without any hint of a smile from him “ _Of course I mean that_ ”

“ _Arthur has you_ ”

Arthur? Me? He couldn’t stop himself from picturing it: Arthur carrying him around the woods, running like a madman and probably sweating out of the extra effort he meant. “ _Although, to be completely honest Merlin… I`m not sure where he took you_ ”

Great, he thought, he wasn’t a prisoner from a band of outlaws but instead Arthur`s hostage... He felt that was an arrangement he could live with.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He wished he could say something to lighten up the mood, as if “ _God Merlin, how could you be this heavy_?” but there was neither the necessity nor the opportunity. He was still trying to catch his breath while placing the body of his servant behind a bush when he heard the new rising of shouts from the men. He thought about what a poor strategy that meant, announcing their arrival and wasting the precious element of surprise in an attack but he didn’t considered the possibility of approaching them with some thoughts about how to improve their tactics while he was placing one more time Merlin on his shoulders and resume his run.

Arthur thought that the worst part of all wasn’t being chased around by a potential group of murderers but that he had lost any form of contact with either Guinevere or Lancelot. It wasn’t that he missed them –perhaps he could come to missed Guinevere`s presence further on- but that they had that holy and mysterious bowl with them.

What was the point of having Merlin`s body closely safe if there was no way of communicating with him. Of course, Arthur knew many things one could accomplished with a body all by himself but he didn’t not relished with the idea of having Merlin`s figure and not his conscience. Where was the intimacy in that? He thought.

He must have been running for more than ten minutes without stopping when the screaming ceased. Arthur wasn’t very certain whether that was a good or bad sign; perhaps they got tired and decided to retire or perhaps, they found something else to focus on and by something else, he knew it meant they found Lancelot and Guinevere.

What if they destroyed the bowl? Or worst of all, what if they took the bowl and decided to have a little chat with Merlin? With that thought in mind as he found an almost subterranean cave to rest, he wasn’t sure whether to feel anger towards the men or pity them for having to endure a conversation with Merlin.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The screaming finally became too distant to be an actual threat so they both used the opportunity to rest for a while. They sat on the floor silent, besides some big and crooked trees and did their best to recover their breaths back.

Guinevere looked at Lancelot, not his perfectly shaped face or his luscious hair but his hands. She saw the strength of his grip over the bowl and she could easily replaced the objet with a subject: she saw Lancelot holding Merlin`s hand within his and looking both like the most ravishing couple in the kingdom. The thought would not had seemed so hurtful if the same picture wouldn’t been so easily to replace; in fact, if Gwen focus a little bit, she could stopped looking at Lancelot with Merlin and looked at Arthur with him.

In the end, it didn’t matter how the equation went, the only thing that matter to her was the she always ended up out of the picture.

She saw the man playing around with the bowl in his hands, as if he was searching for every detail that could exist in it. She saw with disdain how little he was going to find in it: a small and simple bowl, that was all and yet, it somehow found a way to open a portal between two realms. How was that even possible? That had to be the work of mag…

Gwen stood up from the ground as if she had been stroked by a lightning and took away the bowl from Lancelot`s hand with the same rudeness he had showed her before. She examined it this time, not looking for the outside details but the inside itself. She didn’t understand how could she have been so foolish? Of course it had been magic that was the reason all alone! But it couldn’t be the bowl itself, she already knew that: it was completely ordinary.

There had to be something else, something that made it special. As she watched the dry leafs at the bottom of its inside, a second click seemed to click her mind.

“ _I know what is wrong with Merlin but..._ ” she said with a triumphant smile.

“ _What is it_?” Lancelot asked with hope in his voice.

“ _We need to find his body first_ ”

Unfortunately, that wasn’t something she was so sure would be easy for them achieve.


	27. The sickness of Black Magic - Part four

Guinevere had never been the best of healers before and there were many things she didn’t know about medicine but she had seen her few share of diseases in her past and remembered as well the tales her father told her when she was younger about all the variety of sick people that had fallen ill because of the use –and abuse- of black magic. The only reason to why she didn’t think about it sooner was because she never thought the use of magic would be involved with someone like Merlin in such a random situation.

It seem like any other strange disease, a cold or infection proper from foreign lands but once Gwen tied every loose end together, the words “black magic” seemed to float around inside her mind.

She was sitting next to a cedar tree by its shadow with her back still soak from the sweat of her previous run, daring not to place her eyes upon the bowl. She thought about her father even when she tried to flee from such actions; she thought about her kind and good-spirited father who had died after getting involved with black magic. The only family she had at the moment and she lost it because of magic. Gwen wasn’t quite sure if she was ready to get involve once again with it; she wasn’t sure if saving Merlin was worth the try…

“ _You may be thirsty_ ”

She jumped surprised having forgotten about Lancelot sitting next to her. He had been quiet ever since she said they need to find Merlin`s body and had stayed behind her ever since they started walking but they were both tired from the run and could not keep up the pace for much longer. They had to rest for a couple of minutes.

“ _And hungry and tired_ ” she said “ _But it doesn’t matter, does it_?”

“ _We could find a spring somewhere near_ ”

“ _We shouldn’t deviate from our path. The sooner we find Merlin, the sooner everything will be over_ ” she said.

He was staring at her, making her feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. She was tired of being observed by men around her, men making her feel so small in comparison.

“ _We should start walking again_ ” she said as she stood up from the ground, no longer worried about cleansing her dress or fixing her shoes. Her feet were sore from all the walking she had endured but she was too timid to see the blisters that most likely had been born in her soils. She started to walk once again, following the imaginary path she presumed would eventually lead her to Arthur and Merlin although she truly had no certainty about it. Lancelot followed her as he had done it before without saying a word.

It only took about two minutes before she slipped her feet with a stick and fell deep into the mud; she felt the blow in her bum and did her best to drown a scream of pain but at last, a dry-out shout slip from her mouth.

“ _Are you alright_?” Lancelot said, running to her side and trying to put her back on top graving her arms. Once she was back on her feet, bum soared and dress completely messed with mud, she threw away his hands from her arm… perhaps more aggressive than she intended to.

“ _Guinevere… have I wronged you somehow_?”

She did not look at his eyes, staring at her feet trying to clean some of the already dry mud from her shoes so she could start walking again.

“ _Why are you ignoring my words_?”

She kept on walking.

“ _Guinevere…_ ”

Kept on walking,

“ _Guinevere…_ ”

Just keep on walking.

“ _Gwen!_ ”

“ _What!_?”

She finally turned around, meeting the dark haired man standing closer than she was expecting to. She let her eyes go from the top of his hair to the end of his squared chin, feeling the air that went out from his nose and the heat that provoked. It was a strangely intimate moment between the two of them, a moment they have never shared before and yet, something inside of her made her feel that everything was right.

She did not know what it was but something made her lean on her toes, closer to his lips and closer to his chest… closer to the scent the knight meant. And she noticed him moving forward as well and in that moment pieces, that seem to have been scrambled around the floor ever since she heard the news of Lancelot running away from Camelot after assaulting Arthur, seem to fall all to their right positions inside of her.

“ _Lancelot_ ” she said in a quiet whisper only he could have heard and she meant it that way: she wanted to share a close moment, only between the two of them, alone where nobody could cause any trouble. She waited for a response, waited for one proof that could show her the nature inside the heart of the man… and then, the bubble she build broke with heartbreaking violence in its core.

“ _Merlin…_ ”

She felt her heart sink back into her chest and all the way down to her stomach.

“ _I mean… I`m sorry, excuse me..._ ” he said and looked back to his hands. The bowl was there and Merlin as well. Merlin was always there. “ _What is it_?”

She watched him stepping back, away from her and starting to whisper to a kitchen utensil. An appliance that matter more than her…  but that wasn`t what it was, it was just that Merlin matter more than her.

She started to walk again, trying to drown the tears that threatened to appear in her eyes with one strong step at the time.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It was not that he was jealous and it wasn’t as if Lancelot belonged to him but… but he couldn’t control himself of interrupting them. And he hated himself for it right after he did it.

It wasn’t as if Lancelot seen more right next to him and it wasn’t as if Gwen didn’t deserve someone who will treat her as kind as Lancelot would but… but yet again, he saw him first! He met him in the first place, knew his name before anybody else, held his hand for the first time… he had even been his first kiss, but then again he had left him before. He had left him alone for an entire year without as much of a goodbye than that sweet kiss he didn’t want to remember so vividly.

Perhaps it was a sign; perhaps it was a way for the universe to tell him than maybe they should not be together.

And in all fair contest Merlin wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to be with Lancelot anyway… because there was also Arthur. There was always Arthur somewhere in his mind, somewhere deep inside his heart. Even when he didn’t wanted to think about the blonde prince, somehow, his face seem to slip by and placed itself in front of him so he could relish and admire the god-like features of his master. Maybe he wished to be with Arthur more that he could wished to be with Lancelot… but the prince seem so far away from him, like an impossible dream that he could never have, a goal too difficult to catch, so far away from his grip while Lancelot had always been closer to him. And at least, he could always tell what the knight thought and what he felt about him while with Arthur, it was as if he was reading a close book buried deep down in the caverns of the castle.

Maybe he was indeed wasting his time thinking about a man he could never get, a man that will never looked at him in the same way he did, while he stood an actual chance with someone closer to him. Perhaps it was already time to start forgetting Arthur, he thought and the mere idea of moving away from his side seem more painful than any other thing.

What was it that Merlin desire? Or more precisely, who?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

No matter what anybody said, Arthur was not touching Merlin`s hand. He most definitely wasn’t combing his hair with his fingers and certainly, he would not waste any of his precious and regal time washing the dirt from his face, paying special focus on his lips. What would he do that? He was the prince of Camelot, he had no business in the matters of simple servants like him… but then again, he knew so well how Merlin wasn’t just a servant than the simple fact of thinking he was made him feel sick for the lies.

He wished none of this would have happened and in the back of his mind, he blamed Morgana for it. If only she had never gone to the river with Gwen for a walk, she would never have been abducted and he could be at this moment back in his chambers with Merlin polishing the armor next to him pretending he didn’t want to work anymore and him pretending he was reading a very important paper when in fact, he was glancing from a corner of his eye to the black-haired man crouching in his feet only a walk away from him. He would probably insult him for every move he made, hoping that his words would drown the fact that he indeed did not miss any move he made. Arthur smiled to himself with what it had become his idea of a comfortable home… but he knew it had nothing to do with the heat of the fire or the smoothness of his sheet, it was all Merlin`s undoing.

Arthur knew he could feel himself at home whenever he was with him and even though, he had always fancy the strange and awkward features of his face –I mean, who could resist those cheekbones?- it was Merlin`s words, Merlin`s laughter and more than anything, Merlin`s inability to feel intimidated by him. As far as he was concerned, he wasn’t the Arthur than once would inherit a kingdom but the Arthur who couldn’t comb his hair properly unless somebody would assist him, the Arthur that didn’t know how to cook a single meal and the Arthur that always seem to have convenient troubles when it came the moment to pull up his trousers. Arthur would probably died of embarrassment if Merlin ever learned he faked all of that, maybe not the hair part but most likely the trouser`s one.

He leaned back with sadness next to Merlin`s body; he seemed so peaceful like this, as if he was only taking the longest nap in the history of naps and he was guarding than nobody would come to him and disturb his record. He leaned sadly because he realized that if he ever got back to his chambers, he would be assigned a new servant –perhaps someone really squared and boring, named like George or worst- and that he would never had the chance to fake his wardrobe`s incompetence because he only wanted Merlin to know all those small details about him. He knew with a terrible yet definitive way that he would only want Merlin and nobody else at his side.

What would he do if he died? Probably nobody could ever know how much of a broken heart he would carry forever with him. His father would be completely out of the question and not because he hated him –he loved his father very much, with all his flaws and strengths- but he knew nobody would ever understand him. How could they? He was the prince, future king and it was expected for him to marry a beautiful princess equally blonde as him and with impeccable manners. Who could understand his desire to spend all of his days next to a scrawny and uncoordinated servant?

He realized that to be the most profound secret inside his heart, there was an awful amount of people aware of it. There was him but there was also Guinevere, or so he thought, and of course Morgana could not tease him about Merlin once every few days if she didn’t suspect anything. And there had been Merlin`s mother too; he remembered the way that lady with kind eyes had seen him as if they both shared a piece of knowledge he didn’t know at the moment. Or perhaps he did know all about it… perhaps it had been love at first sight after all. Arthur made an expression of distaste, as if he had tasted the sourest of all fruits, after the realization of this thought.

“ _Good lord Merlin, it seems you have turned into a girl just like you_ ” he said. “I`m not a girl” he would have said and they both had laughed with each other, teasing like brothers but not this time, this time all that Arthur got was silence. Or so he thought.

“ _Arthur!!!!!_!” he heard but at first he thought it was his imagination. After the third time and after realizing the sound was in fact approaching him, he stood up sword in hand ready to face anything: a new hoard of bandits, a patrol from an enemy kingdom and even whatever creature of magic that could be possessing these lands. He was ready for everything… and yet, his force wasn’t necessary. He saw Guinevere and Lancelot walking towards him and he wonder how powerful most be Guinevere`s voice to surpass that much of a distance. He could only remember her speaking in whispers and the sweetest of voices all the time, who knew she had such a powerful sound inside of her all alone? But it had been Lancelot who screamed, it was Lancelot who seemed so eager to find him… it was Lancelot who had always been the most enthusiastic about being with Merlin.

Maybe in the end, he wasn’t his Merlin after all.


	28. The sickness of Black Magic - Final part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very long but one more and this is done! :)

Lancelot was frightened but he couldn’t just simply admit it, not to Guinevere and certainly not to Arthur. He was a brave knight; he had defeated a beast and had even punched the heir prince in the head. He had leave the man he cared about before just because it had been the right thing to do but now… now Lancelot had his legs shaking with anticipation and dread. He had been following Gwen all alone the path back to Arthur and Merlin`s body, holding to that wooden bowl but not daring to say anything to the other end of the line. What could he say? Was there anything that he could add to the situation that could fixed everyone`s problems?

He had almost kissed her, almost had her in his arms… and Merlin had heard everything, every word and every silence that was kept between the two of them but still, that wasn’t the worst part. The thing that he feared the most at the moment had been how much he found himself hating Merlin in that second he called for his name and had interrupted the wonderful possibilities he dared to see in his mind next to her. He had never felt so much loathe for him before and to be quite honest, he never thought he could possibly feel anything except adoration and attraction to Merlin. Now, he had uncovered a new side from him and he wasn’t sure whether he was happy about it.

He juggle with the thought of trying to regain the hostile –yet intense and attractive- discussion with Gwen once again, this time leaving the bowl to a side, far away as possible from him and her but just at the moment he had breathed to form the words in his lips, the blonde and almost crooked figure of Arthur had appear in their horizon. In that moment, when he had seen both the prince and the body they had searched for almost an entire day, all the hate and all the anger he could have felt for him vanish like thin air so quickly and strangely as it had appear at first. He couldn’t restrain himself and the words that he had hesitated to say out loud seconds before transformed into a new set that seem so sweet in his mouth.

They as ran fast as they could with their soared legs and wounded feet next to the prince and once they finally stood side by side, the blonde man took the bowl from his hands and walking to a side, started to talk in whispers to the inside.  The second that Lancelot felt the relief of finally letting go the burden that it meant to have Merlin by his side listening to every one of his words was the moment Lancelot`s fear returned to his heart.

He was happy he was away and he was scared of what would happen once he came back.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Gwen said she knows how to fix this_ ” Merlin said from the other side. Fix it? Arthur thought, could that possible be true? Could Merlin be actually returning to this world, to his side before nightfall? The hope that had seem to disappear from his heart flow back inside of him with new life like a frozen string with the first heating rays of the new spring.

“ _Then what is it_? _What is wrong with you_?” he said and in the moment he felt his voice covering the angst he had actually felt for the safety of his manservant, the thought of Merlin suspecting the true nature of his feelings hit him like a slap in the face. “ _I mean, I know there are many things wrong with you… anyone can see that, I meant, about this disease_ ” he said feeling the urge to hit himself with embarrassment.

“ _Thank you sire, I appreciate the kind words of comfort you provide_ ” he replied and damn it, he could not help but to grin at him. Merlin had always found a way to find Arthur`s soft spots that nobody else could, not even his father, and the idea of being vulnerable and completely exposed to someone else made him feel very small in comparison to his true self.

“ _You know how I like to keep the spirits high in my knights Merlin, is one of my many duties_ ”

“ _I`ll just be glad with knowing how is my body_ ”

Arthur considerered answering with one word but saying “ _delicious_ ” to Merlin may have send all the subtlety of his flirting to the trash, so he bitted his tongue and said “ _Still in one piece_ ” with the most neutral tone he could found for his voice.

“ _Has any of my limbs fell back while running or everything is in its right place_?”

“ _To be honest, I did think that you were going to fall apart at some point_ ” he replied looking back to the body he had guarded for a day. “ _Seriously Merlin, don’t you ever eat? It`s like you body was a bloody ragdoll with nothing but straw inside_ ”

“ _Just because you have a very rounded figure doesn’t mean with all have to be like you_ ”

“ _Are you saying I`m fat_?” he asked with a mixture of real and fake shock and outrage.

“ _I`m not saying you are frail, sire_ ”

“ _You know I could have you executed for disrespecting your prince like that, don’t you_?” he said following the mocking tone of Merlin.

“ _I think we can both agree sire, that I have suffered my fair share of punishment for a lifetime with this, won`t you_?” And just like that, the easy and relaxing mood between the two of them died with such simple words. Just the thought of Merlin enduring a type of suffering which he could not defend him made his heart ache. In that moment, Arthur made a promise he knew he could not keep to watch over him once he had come back to this land and to protect him so he could never have to endure once again another punishment. He knew very well this was an impossible task but the idea of setting a goal in his heart to guard over him brought some sort of peace in his chest.

“ _This still doesn’t mean you can have a day of_ f” he added after he realized his silence could say more than he intended.

“ _I would never dream of such pleasure sire_ ” he quickly responded and once again, the grin return to Arthur`s face.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _It seems Arthur will be having quite some time talking to Merlin so we better get started with thi_ s” she said while starting to overview Merlin`s body, as if she was looking for something. Arthur was standing almost five meters away from him, with a smile from side to side in his face as if he was listening to the most outrageous jokes and since he was maintaining a conversation with Merlin, it seem as the most likely option.

“ _Are you sure you know what`s wrong with him_?” he asked, joining her side and following the path her hands draw all around the frail figure in the ground. The hands seem so kind to him and yet Lancelot never questioned how it could be possible for a body part to have a personality. He simply assumed that there could not be any part in her body that could hold a grudge to another person and he enjoyed that idea of her; perhaps, it wasn’t very healthy to place someone so high above from the rest, but he could not see her in any other way. She was kind and good and almost holly and he wondered how he could have missed that about her for so long.

“ _No_ ” she said quickly and without taking her eyes from Merlin`s body “ _But it’s the best chance we have_ ”

“ _So, what is it_? Is it an infection, a disease? Perhaps something that Gaius has taught you before…”

“ _It`s magic_ ” she said, not loud enough for Arthur to listen but sufficiently for Lancelot to hear it and let his heart sink back inside his stomach. Did Gwen know about “the secret”? He remembered Merlin`s words and panick after he had confessed how he found out. Nobody was supposed to know but then again, he had been apart from Merlin so long it seemed possible some rules about his life had changed. “ _How can it be magic_?” he asked, tempting the ground still uncertain if Gwen actually knew the true entirely.

“ _Because of this_ ” she said and her hands were holding Merlin`s feet. He was left befuddled. What did Merlin`s feet had to do with his magic? Did the source for his powers come from his feet? He hopped that was false, otherwise it felt completely embarrassing that one of the biggest wielders of magic he had ever known relied from his stinky and tiny feet. “ _I don’t understand_ ” he said and he was being honest.

“ _Well, if I`m right Merlin was cursed with black magic_ ”

“ _Through his fee_ t?”

“ _At first, it didn’t add up. The symptoms seemed too specific to be a normal disease, too scattered to be an enchantment and then I realized…_ ”

“ _What was it_?”

“ _The bowl… the key had been the bowl all alone_ ”

“ _Are you saying someone cursed Merlin through a wooden bowl_?”

“ _That was what I thought at first but then I understood, it wasn’t about the bowl but what was inside of it_ ”

Lancelot looked at Arthur who seemed to be sharing a very heated argument with Merlin while smiling like a child that has been handed the biggest sweet of the platter. He knew somehow magic had to be involved, it seemed like the only logical answer and yet he still wasn’t sure why would somebody would go through all this trouble to get after Merlin. How much of a thread a skinny and uncoordinated manservant could actually meant? 

“ _The tea_?” he asked and she nodded.

“ _This isn’t an ordinary tea, it`s filled with black magic and who ever drinks would face the same symptoms that Merlin doe_ s”

“ _But Arthur took it as well, why isn’t he sic_ k?” but Gwen did not answer. She look to the prince who was now walking from one point to another while still talking to Merlin –how long can a man have a conversation like that? Lancelot wondered but quickly forgot it; something far more important was happening-. He looked at her and noticed her hands visibly shaking with fear. Could that be? “ _Gwen, what is it_?” he said while he hold her hands in his.

“ _If I`m right…_ ” she said in an almost unlistenable whisper with a broken voice “ _If I`m right, the curse can only work like this for those who have magic as well…_ ”

Lancelot felt the reflex of dropping her hands in that moment, out of fear and panic for her realization. Magic was Merlin`s greatest secret, a detail of his life that could actually get him killed if the wrong people learn it. Was Gwen the wrong kind of people? And what if Arthur knew it? He made not be quite like his father the king but Uther was still the one and only ruler of the land and his hatred for everything magical was very well known. Lancelot doubted that Arthur would be cold enough to send Merlin to die in a pyre; he looked again towards the prince`s directions and thought with tenderness that a man that would smile so big just for the fact of being talking to Merlin could not end the life of the warlock. But then again, his father was still his father and Uther`s law was still the only one.

“ _I have known Merlin for almost two years… he is my best friend here, how could he not tell me_?” Guinevere said, seeming as if she was almost one second away from breaking into a loud sob. That could not happen, if Arthur managed to look at where they were and see Gwen in such distress, he could start to suspect something was terribly wrong. He took Gwen`s hand in a stronger grip and as gentle as he could, took her away from Merlin`s body behind a tree for Arthur to not see her.

Once she realized what was he doing and saw herself in the safety that the hiding post provide, she finally let go out of herself all the frustration and sadness that had been building inside of her for the past days. It was a cathartic moment, just to cry and cry and let everything inside of her chest out of her system.

“ _How could he lie for so long_?” she asked him.

“ _If anybody would have found out, they could have killed him_ ” he said, cleansing the tears from her cheeks with the back of his hand. Guinevere finally seen to be calmer and her breathing seem to normalize with the seconds passing through.

“ _How did you know? Did he tell you_?

“ _No_ …” and he smiled fondly with the memories of simpler times “ _No, the first time we met he was practicing a spell in the forest and I saw him_ ”

“ _He was practicing and he got caught_?”

Lancelot nodded and could not help but smile with the idea of it: Merlin, a powerful sorcerer caught while enchanting some flowers deep in the forest. He knew this wasn’t a funny moment, it was a very serious one; if Arthur found out or someone from Camelot knew it Merlin could die so why was he laughing? He looked at Gwen and she laughed as well.

“ _It`s not funny_ ” she said and all he could replied with was another laugh. It was infectious and surprisingly relaxing to let the tension fade away while enjoying Merlin`s ineptitude.

Everything would have stay as relaxing as it would until Arthur seemed to materialize from thin air next to the tree, staring at the two of them as if he was looking something truly bizarre. Something that was in fact true because as far as Arthur was concerned, Merlin was still sick and a hoard of bandits were after them.

“ _I`m sorry my lord_ ” Gwen said while she tried to smother her laugh with a serious face.

“ _Forgive us_ ” he said.

“ _Do you know how to get Merlin back_?” Arthur asked and the laugh between the two of them finally died off. What could they say to Arthur that would explain Merlin`s condition without revealing his secret?

“ _We don’t know how to get him back sire… but we do know what is wrong with him_ ” said Guinevere.

“ _What is it_?”

“ _He was cursed_ ”

“ _How could that be? I was with him the whole time, surely I would have notice someone cursing my manservant_ ”

“ _The curse was in the tea_ ” she said with a calm voice while Lancelot`s heartbeat seem to double inside of his chest.

“ _But I drank the same tea as he did_ ”

That was it… Lancelot wonder if Merlin would get upset at him for revealing to Arthur his secret but then, he thought with sadness, he would be too busy being burn alive than to be mad at him for too long.

“ _It`s on his feet, sir_ e”

He and Arthur looked at the same time at Gwen, with the same expression of incredibility.

“ _His feet_?” Arthur asked.

“ _Yes_ ” he said and jumped, taking from his hand the wooden bowl and explained everything that Gwen had told him before: the tea was cursed but such magic could only function properly if the person drinking it would had his feet filled with mud as Merlin did in the moment he drank it.

Arthur listened to the knight`s words, wondering if perhaps they all had gone mad or maybe he was the one losing his mind. Merlin being the subject of a curse was no new news for him, it had happened before and with his servant`s inability to function like a normal human being he had no doubt that it could happen in the future but suffering this type of magic through his feet was definitely a first for him. A personal record he would say later.

“ _But you don’t know how to break the curse_?” he finally asked after listening to the man`s dissertation about the topic.

“ _No… but I know someone who could_ ” Lancelot said.

“ _Who? Gaius? I don’t know if we could find our way back to Camelot fast enough for Merlin to get better_ ” he said.

“ _Not Gaius... but Merlin himself_ ”

“ _And what could possibly Merlin know about curses and magic_?” he asked.

Arthur didn’t understand the quick glimpse both Lancelot and Guinevere shared with each other but when they both said “I _t`s worth the try_ ” he agreed. Anything that would take to have Merlin back was worth a try.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin had heard Lancelot`s explanation with a skeptical ear. His feet? He had been cursed and his feet were guilty of it? He had suffered all this hardship, this never ending nightmare because he had taken off his boots and felt the mud with his feet?

“ _Lancelot, are you sure of it_?” he asked.

“ _Yes Merlin, they are your fee_ t” the man said with a condescendence tone in his voice. That could not be right, Lancelot was never condescending or patronizing, he could be straight forward and direct in his words but always kind. He was hiding something.

“ _I don’t know how to break a curse that started in my feet_ ” he said being painfully honest.

“ _I`m sure you know how”_ he said again, in the same tone as if he was explaining something incredibly obvious to a small child.

“ _No, I don’t_ ” he said, answering with the stubbornness proper for the child Lancelot thought he was dealing with.

“ _Yes, you do_ ” he answered back. If only he could be there to kick the perfectly rounded bum of that man to prove his point straight. He went back through his memories, trying to find a page from his spell book that would explain his condition but there was nothing in it, nothing he could remember… because getting a curse from soil exposure was utterly ridiculous. How could he believe something like that, who would listen to such explanation and think that it must be the truth?

“ _You are hiding something_ ” he finally said but Lancelot didn’t reply this time. So he was hiding something from him! Merlin knew it. Lancelot could not be this rude without having an ulterior reason behind it. “ _Lancelot, tell me the truth_ ”

There was nothing but silence for almost an eternity of time. Merlin felt somehow more tired than he felt minutes before even though he hasn’t done anything for a long time. He felt his legs were heavier than seconds before and there was a huge yet invisible weight over his shoulders. He knew it had everything to do with the long exposure to this dream-like world but unless Lancelot spoke the truth with him, he still didn’t see a way out of it.

“ _Merlin_ ” he heard and it was a whisper he almost missed.

“Why are you whispering? What is going on there?” he asked feeling equally scared for the safety in the outside and tired for himself in the inside.

“ _Gwen knows, Merlin_ ”

He didn’t have to say more about it. What else could somebody knew about him except he had magic? And now Guinevere knew; if someone else were to found out he would be dead before he would be out of this world. What if she were to tell Arthur about it? He knew deep inside Gwen was her best friend and that she cared deeply for him but he also knew that ever since Lancelot had appear almost a year ago, a wall had seem to be build between the two of them. But “no” Merlin thought, “Gwen would not be capable of doing that”.

“ _She thinks the curse affected you because you have magic but we had to told Arthur it was because of your feet_ ”

“And he believed you?”

“ _Yes”_

“ _Dollop-head_ ”

“ _Merlin, there isn’t much time but you need to find the answer and think what kind of curse would affect you this way because of your gift_ ”

Merlin`s heart shrunken with such words. For men like Uther Pendragon, his magic would be a disease or something to be extinct but for men as noble and kind like Lancelot, magic was something to treasure and be proud of. In that moment, Merlin remembered why he had grown so fond inside of his heart for him. “ _What if I don’t know any curse with those characteristics_?” he asked with fear.

“ _Best not think about that option for now_ ” Lancelot replied but Merlin knew it would be impossible not to considerer it for now on.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _Arthur…_ ”

“ _Have you found an answer ye_ t?” the prince asked, doing his best to hide the fear and anxiety from his voice.

“ _No… but…_ ”

“ _Then don’t waste any time talking to me and do it_!” he said.

“ _Arthur…_ ”

“ _This is hardly the time to talk Merlin, you need to think. I know it`s hard for you to do it sometimes but now it`s the time you really try_ ” He knew this wasn’t the best of times to be insulting him like this, going back to his old ways when he treated Merlin as if he was less than the pile of dirty clothes he left by his bed every night but when Arthur got nervous or afraid, he tended to be more like a prat than like a prince.

“ _Arthur_!”

“ _What, Merlin? What is it_?”

“ _I just wanted to tell you that if things don’t go as they should, at the end of everything I`m glad_ ”

“ _I`ve seen you in the battlefield before Merlin and I know you don’t care much for living, but you can`t be glad that you may die_ ” he said, no wanting to look at his body as if Merlin could be there sitting, looking for his gaze with the intensity of his own eyes that made Arthur shiver inside.

“ _I`m not glad I may die but I`m glad the curse got me and not you_ ”

“ _Merlin…_ ”

“ _And I`m glad I got to served you for these two years…_ ”

“ _Merlin…_ ”

“ _And that I saw you turn into a good man…_ ”

“ _Merlin_ ”

“ _And now I know you will become a great king…_ ”

“ _Merlin_!”

_“What?! I`m trying to be nice to you_!”

“ _I know and I appreciate it but don’t you feel slightly different now_?”

“ _What do you mean_?” and yet he knew Arthur was unto something. The heaviness in his chest seemed to have faded out of the something and his legs seemed slightly stronger than before. He felt strange, as if he was lighter than before and the landscape around him started to blurred in his sight. What this it? Was this how it felt to die and leave this earth? If it were, Merlin could be glad at least it would not be a painful end at last. So many years living afraid to die inside those raging flames and now, he was encountering death as if he was waking up, waking up from a dream…

“ _Merlin, your leg is moving_!” Arthur screamed and Merlin knew what he was talking about. His right leg, the one that felt death minutes before was now gone from his sight and yet he felt with all the clarity left in his mind. He could feel his own leg miles away from him and even though he was standing in that moment, it felt as if it was resting in the ground. “ _Merlin, are you doing this? How are you doing it_?” Arthur asked but he didn’t know. The only thing he had done was saying goodbye to Arthur. Was that the key?

“ _Whatever it is you were doing, do it again_!” Arthur said and Merlin would have laughed after listening to the excitement in the man`s voice if he weren’t so worry about understanding what was happening.

“ _I was saying goodbye Arthur_ ” he said and somehow, he could feel the blonde man moving his hand with disagreement. Arthur was right, that had not been a farewell but more like recognition of all the things he felt for him. If the universe was telling him that the key to his salvation was to speak all the truth to the prince, than the bastard had a very gritty sense of humor. What else did he have to lose now? Might as well venture himself to do it, it was now or never.

“ _Arthur…_ ” and even when saying his name alone, he felt stronger already. Maybe it was the solution after all.

“ _Merlin…_ ”

“ _I don’t think you are as much of a prat now that you were before_ ”

“ _Thank you for that_ ” and now his left arm was gone.

“ _Unlike what most people think, you are kind, deep down inside yoursel_ f”. Left leg, gone.

“ _Even though I`m your servant and you treat me like one, I feel very proud to serve you_ ”. Right arm, gone.

“ _I know you will be a wise and just king in the future_ ” and now his belly seemed to disappear.

_“I`m glad I came to Camelot and met you_ ”. Almost gone… but what else did he have to say? What other truth was left inside of him for the prince to know?

“ _Arthur…_ ”

“ _Merlin…?_ ”

“ _I love you…_ ” and he was gone from there.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Merlin finally open his eyes – his real eyes- and the light that went through the tress above his head almost blinded him but he didn’t had the time to fear for his sight for Arthur`s bright smile was the first thing Merlin saw. And in that moment, Merlin finally knew it would always be the first and last thing he would see for the rest of his days.

" _Me too..._ " he said " _Me too_ "


	29. Epilogue - The brightest hour

Morgana looked through her window and for a second, could not believe what her eyes were showing her: the tattered and ragged group of people entering the gates of the castle seemed to have appeared from the deepest ends of the kingdom. At first, she wondered how could four outlaws have trespassed the security perimeter but once her eyes settled to the muddy sight, she almost scream with a mixture of panic and delight at the same time. Arthur was back and not only he had found Guinevere but also a dark haired man that she could not quite remember when she had saw him. She ran through the castle`s corridors, moving away both servants and knights that might seem to stop her from going to the entrance but once she was finally there and the scruffy looking group was only a couple of steps from her, she doubted whether it would be wise or not to walk and hug her maid in such visibly fashion. Uther would certainly not approved of it but then again, he did not approve a search party for her at first so how much worse could a hug be?

“ _Gwen_!” she finally said and walked the extra steps between the two. The hug was quick and chaste but for the two of them, it felt just right. “ _I am so sorry for this. If something would have happen to you, I would have never forgiven myself_ ”

“ _No harm was down my lady_ ”

“ _Of course it did! Look at you! You need a bath urgently_ ” she added, holding her maid from her wrist and making a move inside the castle to tend for her. As she was about to leave, a sort of cough interrupted her path. She looked and Arthur with his golden hair completely dirty, his face filled with dust and the scent of a man that hasn’t take a bath for ages stood in front of her with his eyebrow raised as if he was waiting for something. “ _Yes_?” she asked with all the poise in her inner self.

“ _We are quite alright as well if you wanted to know_ ” he said.

“ _Yes I can see that, no need to make fuzz about it_ ”. She turned before he could make another remark and while she was entering through the grandiose doors of the palace, she remembered something as if someone remembers a petty and insignificant detail. “ _Oh, and Arthur?_ ”

“ _Yes_?”

“ _The King would like a word with you once you are presentable_ ” and with those final words, she enter the castle leaving what was meant to be her future king rotting the atmosphere of the outside world with his stink.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _You disobeyed my orders_ ”

Uther`s voice seemed to filled every corner inside the council room and even the inside of Arthur`s head. He had showered as quickly as he could all by himself since Merlin was still in need of some medical care from Gaius and Lancelot was more than willing to be of some service but this time when he had seem the two men leave him behind, the usual sting of pain in his chest didn’t appear. There was no need for it now, now that he knew Merlin was for him and him alone.

“ _Yes father but if we hadn’t left we would have never discovered this group of bandits waiting to infiltrate our borders_ ” he replied with a steady voice. Nothing could disturb him today as he felt he was walking in clouds and flowers… he tried to hide the smile that formed in his face while sitting in front of his very angry father when he thought that maybe, Merlin did have turned him into a girl. “ _We ought to send a patrol at once and stop this menace_ ”

“ _Of course I know that but that is not the point. The point here is that you didn’t do as I told you to, how do you expect to become a wise king if you don’t follow orders_?”

_“I thought kings were the ones meant to give those orders_ ”

“ _It`s about a sense of duty, Arthur. You need to understand that now while you still can learn_ ”.

Arthur just remained sitting there, thinking of all the times he had done everything in his power to prove himself worthy to his father but he still didn’t see it in him. He didn’t need a speech to understand what it was duty in his life but there was no point in arguing against his father, not at this moment when he was determined to not let anything kill his good spirits and bliss inside his heart. He stood up and bowed down to his King, his back still soared from the nights spend sleeping on nothing but the ground.

“ _I`ll send a patrol this afternoon… try to get some rest for today_ ” Uther said and Arthur realized why sometimes he couldn`t stay mad at his father for too long because even though he may not be a perfect man and he made mistakes, he was still his father and he loved him for it. Arthur leaved the council room, not as joyful as he was before but still filling the bliss of knowing that he is indeed loved by the one he loves.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“ _You and Arthur, then_?” Lancelot asked him while he placed him on top of his bed. His body was still soared and weak from the ride and the effects of the disease but he didn’t feel the need to complain about it. He felt somehow happier than before. Lancelot`s question doesn’t caught him off guard as he was expecting any second for an opportunity to discuss the latest events.

“ _I don’t know yet…_ ” he said and Merlin was being honest about it. So many things have happened in the last days, his head was filled with thoughts he could not order and his whole body was tired; Merlin fell he could easily sleep for an entire lifetime before having to talk about him and Arthur but he owed some sense of honesty to Lancelot… or at least, some sense of openness.

“ _I`m happy you are alright now_ ” Lancelot said, with a fond smile that could have melted his heart in the past but that now, seemed like the amicable smile of one friend to another.

“ _I`m sorry for before_ ” Merlin said without wishing to met his eyes as he was still ashamed of his childlike behavior before. “ _I should have not interrupted you and Gwen_ ”.

Lancelot started to walk around Merlin`s small room, trying to tide up some of the scattered clothes around the floor and his small desk. Merlin smiled at the fact that even though they had gone through some hellish couple of days, Lancelot still felt the compulsion to do what it was right. “ _You don’t have to do tha_ t” he said.

“ _It`s not like you have your own servant to clean your things_ ” the man added. Both men shared one long glance at each other before they could smile without a sense of tension between them. Merlin realized that somehow having Lancelot there, to talk to him as his friend and to joke with him like he used to do with Will felt… right.

“ _You should go and talk to her_ ” he said.

“ _Looking like this_?” Lancelot asked, pointing out to his dirty pants and greasy hair. “ _You think she will receive me in this state_?”

“ _You are right… Morgana would probably have you executed before letting you touch her_ ” he added and the both shared a good laugh.

“ _Yes… the lady Morgana hasn`t change at all_ ”

There was a brief silence between them, a moment of quietness for Merlin to adjust his position on his bed and for Lancelot to try to fix his hair with his dirty hands.

“ _You should stay_ ” Merlin said without really thinking.

“ _And do what? I could never be a knight her_ e”

“ _Would you prefer to go back and live alone in the woods_?”

“ _What else could I do here_?”

“ _Stay, find an occupation and wait… wait till the day when the laws of Camelot will change_ ”

“ _You really believe things can change here_?”

“ _I have to_ ”. They both smiled once again.

“ _Do you think Gwen would let me stay at her home again_?”

“I _think you are going to be very happy there_ …”

Lancelot took one last look at Merlin`s chambers, the small room where he had woke up almost a year ago and smile with the turn of events that had let for the two of them to share this moment. “ _So will you, Merlin_ ”

While he was leaving, Lancelot crashed slightly to the prince that was walking down the corridor into the same direction. “ _My lord, I`m sorry_ ” he said but this time Arthur did not refute his tone. “ _No harm was done Lancelot_ ”. Both knight and prince stood there for a couple of extra seconds before Arthur pulled him into a quick and instant hug; they parted ways without saying another word.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_“Am I finally getting my day off sire?”_

_“Yes… it starts today and finished tonight. You better enjoyed it”_

_“And how do you plan to get by without me for one day?”_

_“Simply enough… I`m not planning to leave you alone anymore”_

_“And if I tell you I am tired of your presence?”_

_“I will hit you in the head because I know how much of a terrible liar you can be”_

_“That`s sounds unfair”_

_“You were the one that said I was meant to be a just king_ ”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

That day wasn’t the day for kisses and displays of affection around Camelot since the four of them were exhausted and can only wish for a comfortable night with no dreams… but that does not mean that there would not be kisses and hugs and tender looks of love for them. As Gwen dried her curls with one of Morgana`s sheets and drank a warm glass of milk for the night; as Lancelot opened Gwen`s house with a key she had lend him making himself a bed on the floor with old straw, fearful to stain her simple bed with his clothes; as Arthur made himself comfortable on Merlin`s bed, on top of the sheets while his servant slept tenderly after talking about the future for almost four hours… as all of this unfolded inside the realm of Camelot, the cursed leaves of tea rested on top of a secret pantry no one was meant to look. They may not have served their purpose this time but that did not mean they could not be useful in the future. While the tea rested there a voice interrupted the quietness of the night.

“ _My lady? I`m going back to my home now_ ”

“ _Yes, of course Gwen, have a good night_ ”

“ _Thank you my lady, I hope you as well_ "

As Morgana closed her eyes now inside of her bed, she lingered with the idea of how bright the future seemed now filled with endless possibilities for her in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end.  
> than you all for the commentaries and opinion :)


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